The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

Huh. I never even tried to fuck on Spoonbridge. I tried on that bridge that crosses over to Loring Park though.

(Operative word: "tried.")

The profundity of Ashbery's poem totally kills the mood, doesn't it Rex?

Well, I think the Spoonbridge makes a better sex contraption than a sculpture. (It couldn't be a much worse sculpture.)

That, or it could be the key ingredient in a really large cocktail!

Speaking of public art, has anyone else tried to scale and dry-hump Mary Tyler Moore?

Another thing The Rat and I can agree on, though we should be so lucky if outsiders were to develop an impression of Minneapolis based on anything but the weather.

But since we're stuck with this thing, we'll simply have to comission a work to top it -- maybe not the Mary Richards statue, but perhaps some sort of eigth-wonder terrestrial/orbital system of solar (re/de)flectors to moderate our seasonal temps. Sure, it's a little far-fetched, but don't we all kind of wish we'd had this long-time-coming May back in March?

Isn't one of the keys to public lovin' NOT to be verifiable? Because that's when the cops review the tape and put your schwantz in a lineup?

Whatever happened to parking the car on a dirt road and doin' it in the backseat? Old school.

There are no dirt roads in Minneapolis.

There are still dirt alleys in Minneapolis, though.

Rich makes excellent points. Aside from verifiable first-person accounts, I will now happily accept plausible innuendo regarding a guy you used to work with.

Oops, I think that's called "double-posting."

I've seen a couple making out to the point of dry-humping on one of the other sculpture park sculptures (the one with a platform hanging from chains), but not on the spoon.

The couple stopped when they heard me giggling and rustling around in the bushes.

I think the last time I got busy outside was last summer in Matthews Park in Seward.

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

"Wow, I'm so old."

Anyone who graduated high school in a year beginning with a 2 has no business saying these words!

For that matter, anyone graduating from college in a year beginning with a 2 has no business saying they're old, unless they were old when they went to college.

Kurtis, I graduated from college in 2000, so am I just sort of old?

By Kurtis's standards, I'm almost old, but my husband is definetly old. HA!

Rich makes excellent points. Aside from verifiable first-person accounts, I will now happily accept plausible innuendo regarding a guy you used to work with.

What about grainy photos that look like it's possible there are two people doing something that approximates a sex act?

When I graduated they hadn't invented fire yet and the wheel was just a glimmer in my caveman dad's eye...

Hee!

When I was a kid we both feared and worshipped lightning, because it created the primitive protein strands that we called "us."

Tommy Tutone was probably in grade school at the time.

Wow, this would be an outstanding television program pilot. The trials and tribulations of little Tommy Tutone, nee Heath, growing up in the Bay Area and facing the trials and tribulations of growing up in the tumult of the 1960s. It would be like "The Wonder Years" meets "Max Headroom."

I KNEW IT! LIES! LIES!

Why do you lie to me so, Minneapolis? I believed this was a city where a man and a woman (or man and man, or woman and woman) with special feelings for each other could physically express those feelings, simply and purely, on top of a Swedish man's oversized Pop Art sculpture late at night. And I was wrong. I was mislead.

Sometimes I don't even know what city it is I live in.