Secrets of the City

I don’t even know what to say about last night’s Vikings game against the Cardinals. What a disaster! After watching the Redskins almost defeat the Saints and the Giants beat the Cowboys 31-24, watching the Cardinals cream the Vikings — given our previous streak — was like accompanying a Hennessy Beaute du Siecle Cognac with a Swisher Sweets Cigar. (Sure, smoking references are so passé; but either would surely make you gag.) The Vikings were outplayed in offense, outplayed in defense, outplayed all around. The Cardinals dominated us. With just three interceptions in the first 11 games, Favre was picked off twice (almost four times!) and sacked three times. Yes, three times! And to top it off, Henderson broke his femur. Gruesome.

Watching the Tweets come in was gruesome, too.

“WTF are you doing you stupid motherfuckers?” “Did they leave their defensive (and hell, their offensive) skills at the dome?” “I can’t throw a completion to my own team worth a shit so might as well try for the other team instead.” “Classic Favre.” “So this is the Favre they warned us about… ” “Ooh they keep batting down passes. Whooptie fucking shit. Let’s stop them from scoring instead. Fucking worthless millionaire douchebags.” “The MPLS PD was supposed to put the restrictor chip in the BMW not in Adrian.” (A little funny, at least.) “Brett Favre is finally playing like a Viking.” (Not funny at all!) “More classic Favre.” “First Tiger, now Favre, it’s a hero meltdown.” “Favre is not in this game. He can join Peterson in owing us pushups everytime he fucks up.” “Dear Vikings: You’re not why I left Minnesota, but you definitely make it easier to stay away.” “Sadly – Vikes all looking as old as Favre tonight….” “What’s up with the viqueens?” “Our Vikes are getting slapped around like Tiger on Ambien.” OK, that one is funny; but @billhelm was right in his assertion, “I need to stay off Twitter when the Vikings are losing. A lot of you are so goddamn fairweather.”

Tough game, but in the end… we were outplayed. Right? What say you? Did we suck, or were they just on us?

Hence the term “any given Sunday.”

It seems turnovers have become a way of life for Vikings Running Back Adrian Peterson. So much so that after a second fumble against the Bears last Sunday, “broadcaster Troy Aikman said that very few coaches in the NFL would have the patience to put up with these turnovers.” And while no football-loving Minnesotan in his right mind would want to see such a valuable player sidelined for long, Vikings Gab writer Adam Warwas suggests that Coach Childress should bench Peterson to teach him a lesson for his irresponsible behavior — after being caught driving 109 mph on Highway 62 in Edina. “Whatever it takes to get him to truly learn his lesson,” writes Warwas, “then that’s what I am willing to see him given as a punishment.”

“I don’t care if you’re the Vikings best player, a good friend of mine, or the freaking President… driving like that is irresponsible, reckless, and dangerous to those around you.”

Thoughts? Should this even be a concern on the field? Or is it just one more indication of the Peterson way?

Skol, Vikings! (Sunday’s game against the Cardinals is already sold out!)

While we’re certainly all (or at least most of us) very happy that the Vikings are doing so well this year, this likely won’t translate into a new stadium for them, ring or no ring. After his annual turkey presentation — in which the turkey went rogue — Gov. Tim Pawlenty said that “whether the Vikings win the Super Bowl or not it should not affect the state’s decisions on funding a stadium.” Sorry, Vikes!

On Monday, a group of legislators visited the Mall of America Field (ok, the Metrodome) to assess the space first hand. What are the issues keeping the Vikings from renewing their lease after 2011? The roof is eight years past its warranty and expected life. The concourses are narrow. There are inadequate restroom facilities for women. The scoreboard is in need of replacement. And so is the turf.  The annual maintenance costs are projected to be $4 to $6 million per year. And, unfortunately, renovation are highly unlikely, as the mechanical plant contains parts from the ’70s and has become outdated.

What then? If the Vikings leave, the dome is dead. Bye bye, Metrodome?

The Vikings play the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday. Predictions?

Here’s a game preview from Vikings Gab.

“The Vikings will dominate this game as the Seahawk’s will provide little more than a few speed bumps as resistance.  Home field advantage, nearly at full health, and superior talent spells a victory for the Vikings.”

Seems like a no-brainer. Put money on it.

As for the home field advantage, however, looks like it’s going to be the Metrodome for a while still — which the Vikings aren’t very happy about. The Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission approved a plan to force them to extend their Metrodome lease by two years.

During the Hank Williams III show at First Avenue on Saturday night, I couldn’t stop thinking about possible parallels the foul-mouthed grandson of a country music legend could potentially have with Brett Favre. Williams splits his shows into two different sets, the first hour he plays a rowdy brand of hillbilly country that pays tribute to the country legends of old while mixing in elements of punk rock. The second hour he ditches the stand-up bass, banjo, and steel guitar, unbraids his mid-back length hair, and headbangs to death metal anthems that send country fans running for the exits and metal fans rushing the stage.

Hank doesn’t care that some fans of his country music can’t stomach the metal portion of his show. He also doesn’t care that he makes his metal fans wait through the country set before unleashing the heavy guitars and double-bass drum pounding. For much of his career, Favre didn’t seem to mind crossing over two different styles either. He embraced his heavy metal side: Making risky throws into double and triple coverage, flinging underhand pass as he’s inches away from being sacked, and launching the 50-yard bomb when a receiver may have been more open underneath. He also showed a country side: Throwing conservative slants and screens with precision, involving his team’s tight ends to pick apart coverages designed to eliminate his downfield threat, and speaking frequently about sitting on his lawn tractor in Mississippi. (more…)

Unhappy with the September decision to allow Minnesota Vikings Kevin Williams and Pat Williams to continue playing, despite violating the league’s antidoping policy (they were using an over-the-counter weight-loss supplement called StarCaps, which contains diuretic bumetanide), N.F.L. Commissioner Roger Goodall is asking Congress to change federal labor laws so that state labor laws cannot interfere with league policies. Are the Vikings hiding behind Minnesota workplace laws? Is the N.F.L. oozing out of its britches by trying to interfere with labor laws? Or… should sports only be played in countries with centralized governments? (Or have we had just about enough of this ridiculous case?)