Secrets of the City

When you see a tweet like this you just have to click the link, right?

@MPLSSTPL – “He didn’t marry me for my personality or because I give good blow jobs.” http://bit.ly/9FBhpv

The link takes us to Heavy Table’s review of the Gopher Bar.

“Fuck you,” says the guy behind the counter. “I’m not talking to you. Fuckin’ middle of lunch.” Behind him a grill covered wall-to-wall with charred hot dogs and buttered buns sizzles and spews a cloud of smoke so thick it’s audibly choking the overhead exhaust fan. The guy takes a swig from a bottle of Bud, sets it back down next to a pack of Marlboro Reds, and squints at us like we’re wearing panties on our heads. “Talk to my wife.”

The guy is the owner of The Gopher Bar, where — according to the sign taped to the back wall of the bar over half-empty bottles of J&B and Black Label — you’ll find “The best fuckin’ Coney Islands in town.” This is why we’re here.

The results:

It’s hard to know what makes the Coneys at The Gopher Bar so damn good. Is it the soft, lightly grilled, buttery bun? The snap of the hot dog? The spicy meat sauce? The sharp bite of the cheddar? The crunch of onions? Or is it a result of the orchestration of all these things? So many textures and flavors come together that you almost forget you’re sitting under a Confederate flag.

The Gopher Bar isn’t a bar, it’s a moral dilemma. One that goes right to the heart of the economic climate we live in. At a time when every dollar is harder to make, and even harder to make last, are you willing to support a business that has no problem asking, “How about an ice cold bottle of SHUT THE FUCK UP!?”

Sarah McKenzie reviews Donnie Dirk’s Zombie Den, the reincarnation of the old Stand Up Frank’s space — only she doesn’t really say what she thinks of it. I’ll step in — two thumbs up. If the atmosphere and drinks aren’t good enough for you (which they are, plus they have Strongbow), they have some of the greatest staff in town.

[Owner Leslie] Bock said the idea for the bar started with her desire to have a place focused on “smart drinking and conversation.”

And I have to confess, that’s exactly what I’ve had there — full-on boozy debates with the bartender. Booya!

“As for the theme, it’s more of a riddle than reality. Just as there is no Psycho Suzi and that our pizza parlor is hardly a motor lodge,” Bock said. “The naming of Donny Dirk’s Zombie Den was meant to be a bit grandiose, obtuse, confusing and delightfully flawed. Like a former Miss Teen America still telling the story of her crowning moment 45 years later with menthol cigarettes and whiskey made in Idaho on her breath.”

And you have to catch the closing show.

Alexis McKinnis, our local sex columnist and Girl Friday blogger, has been working hard over the past few weeks (and, yes, drinking can be very hard work sometimes) putting together her holiday drinks piece for Vita.mn in order to brighten our spirits. “This is the time of the year when twinkling colors are as much a requirement on the rim of your glass as they are on the glowing strands on your Christmas tree,” she writes, “when whiskey isn’t mandated for a hot toddy, and tequila turns into an affair you’ll actually remember.” (If I recall, which I really don’t, I may have had one or two of these affairs myself recently.)

“The holiday season is full of festive flavors and smells that professional and home bartenders are blending together in inventive, potable ways — and bestowing them with appropriately punny names,” writes McKinnis before introducing us to five exemplary cocktails from La Belle Vie, Om, The Strip Club, Azia, and Clubhouse Jäger. The best part — recipes included! But don’t feel limited by the list; if you have a favorite holiday cocktail, please share it with us here!

Looking for some eats to accompany your holiday drinking?

Here are a few solid articles on dining in the Twin Cities and beyond.

Stephanie March tells us her first visit to Subo, the newest restaurant to occupy the old Hell’s Kitchen space, was full of “good food with impressive flavors.”

Rick Nelson reviews Il Gatto, claiming “the reincarnation of Figlio in Uptown is decidedly feline, but quite feisty.”

Tom Horgan tells us a little bit more about the new NE hotspots Honey and Ginger Hop.

David, of Minneapolis MetBlogs, informs us that Duluth’s Hell’s Kitchen will be reopening as Hellburgers.

Philip Dorwart serves up some beef jerky tips for deer hunting season.

And Steve Marsh introduces us to Jim Christiansen, Corrine Sherbert, and Landon Schoenefeld, three of the area’s hottest up-and-coming chefs.

TC Eats tries Ubuntu.
We Got Served goes to Good Day Cafe.
The Heavy Table publishes a recipe from Tampopo.
Aaron eats pizza at Pazzaluna.

The Heavy Table tries out Salut.
We Got Served visits Azia.
Camacho Watcho takes a trip to Blackbird Cafe.
TC Eats asks if Stabby’s has the best breakfast.
Lazy Lightning eats at Girvan Grille.

Skyway Gourmet gives Au Bon Pain three out of four walleyes.
The Strib reports on Bellanotte closing.
The Heavy Table gets Barbette’s chef to share her dill pesto recipe.
Jeremy Iggers enjoys bargain dining at Cafe Biaggio.

Shea points to the opening of a Galaxy Drive In in St. Louis park.
The Suggestion Boxer goes to The Butcher Block.
Nachopatrol hits Tequileria.
Art & Emily try out Cowboy Slim’s.
Skyway Gourmet visits Cheetah Pizza.

The Heavy Table reminds us that it’s strawberry picking time.
TC Eats goes to Burger Jones.
Your Dress Would Look Better On Me explores The Red Ox Cafe.

South 12th looks at regional hot dog variations.
Edible Cities looks at the Uptown Market debut.
Iggers goes to Jeremy’s Chop and Railhouse.
The Heavy Table looks inside Spoonriver Restaurant.

The Heavy Table goes to La Alborada
Jeremy Iggers notes the Filipino food is coming to Cedar-Riverside
Lazy Lightning goes in search of the world’s hottest pepper, and finds some cool ethnic groceries