Secrets of the City

Been hearing a lot about this author of late.

Also just realized I have been following her on Twitter (@HMcElhatton) without making the connection who she was…

I recently finished this book and I LOVED it. I laughed out loud through much of it. McElhatton’s writing is dark and very funny, she takes the main character into crazy situations that are so hilariously horrible, you know they must have happened to someone. I also give her kudos for turning the chick-lit genre around a bit. Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Single takes on what it means to wish desperately for that rich, handsome husband and whether or not that actually fulfills all your dreams. You don’t hear that a lot and I liked it very much.

As for my worst date…It involved my date complaining about how expensive our ice cream was, then buying some roses from a wandering rose seller, then not having any change for the homeless man with one arm that came to our table waving his scabby stump at us. (I had some change and also offered the man our roses, date was not pleased…oops). Then, after ice cream, he purposely lost to me in a game of pool. Nothing says “I like you” like being patronizing during billiards.

My worst date ever was a guy who looked like Popeye. Well, if Popeye was 5′4″ and Somali. I was set up with him by his cousin, whom I worked with. He kept telling me about all his cars and his awesome job selling phone cards (I kid you not.) I wanted to pass, but was convinced by another co-worker to try one date.

Well, yes he had a Navigator, he also had the smallest apartment I have ever seen, with piles of phone cards everwhere, and a dorm fridge.

I suppose I never really went on a date with him. After 15 minutes of waiting for him to get ready at his place, I bailed before we could actually go out. I think I pretended I wasn’t feeling well or something.

But seriously, who has a Navigator and other huge SUVs, but doesn’t buck up the $100 more a month for a full size apartment?

Been to North Minneapolis much?

Different cultures put different values of status on different items.

@kc!: It’s hard to be seen driving around town in a full-size apartment. The apartment wouldn’t have the same “bling” value that an SUV would. I’ve yet to meet a woman who is more impressed with a rented dwelling than she would be with a healthy bank account.

I was smitten when I spotted her at Minnehaha Falls, dancing among the trees (literally), the seeming embodiment of autumn joy. She gave me her # and we met later at a coffee shop, where the conversation began amiably, but then got weirder as she began telling me about the mystical power of triangles. “I made one drawing with hundreds of triangles. It was too powerful–I think I opened a portal. I can’t destroy it, but I keep it covered up in my bedroom so nothing comes out.”

“You mean like demons?” I laughed.

She just looked at me. “I don’t think you understand the force of evil.”

Oh, don’t get me started…

I had a date once…

Wait! let me finish! I had a date once where all she could talk about is how much her reputation was besmirched and exaggerated. She assured me that she was not a slut. Bummer…

I had the typical match.com date once….

Her picture on match.com was apparently taken before she was forced at gunpoint to eat 40,000 big mac meals and lay on the couch for 18 months.

This is such a small town in a way, I bet there are plenty of stories of people dating people who dated their exes, and similar tales.

Or a blind date where two folks meet and it turns out they are already dating! Each other!

I had a blind date once where the guy told me he felt guilty every time he had sex, because his religion said that “sex was bad”. He then went on to tell me that he lived in a one bedroom apartment with three other guys, and they had bunk beds.

I hightailed it out of there.

I had a match.com date where the guy said he was 5′9″. If he was 5′9″ then I’m 5′11″. Why lie about something that can so easily be called out?

Reading the NPR piece, you can’t help but wonder if the writer dated this guy.

My friend had a roommate in Spain who used to date my date’s old roommate’s best friend. That’s how I found out my date was married.

Janet, woah, incredible!

I’ve had too many bad dates to name, but one guy I went out with proceeded to wax eloquently about the virtues of poppy tea and the vasectomy he got…at age 24. We were supposed to go out again, but he canceled because I wasn’t into taking drugs.

I have since ceased any and all dating online.

@aliecat: I stopped online dating after about the third or fourth “invitation” from Russian scammers.

Did you know a US visa in Russia costs $400.00?!

(Darn. That last sentence should have been bracketed with [sarcasm].)

I met my husband through online dating.

I also went out on a date with a guy who insulted me the entire time. The next day he emailed me to ask me out again because he thought we had a lot of chemistry and that I was his “dream girl.” Needless to say I told him to get lost.

Worst date I ever had was with a woman who, upon entering a club, made a bee-line for an old boyfriend and spent the rest of the evening with him. I guess all she really wanted from me was a ride there.

I am still holding out hope that I am someone’s missed connection. And that connection doesn’t end poorly.

/dying alone
//FML

I’ve found the biggest danger in dating to be having to talk to women.

Oh, Bixby. So sad.

I thought I had a date once. Turned out to be just a fig.

You gotta be careful with that online dating. For example, I did it for a while and wound up married.

Not to a fig, I hope.

Funny thing about online dating. I haven’t had bad experiences with it, yet I am alone.

I’d date a fig.

/again, FML

Figs make excellent spouses. They’re sweet and don’t talk much. Plus they don’t complain when you bake them in a tart.

What?

That’s sick, Alie. Sick, sick, sick.

@aliecat: That “fig”ures.

All this talk of figs. It’s all so newton to me…

I think it’s far simpler to be single!

Where are good places to find dates in the Twin Cities? It seems like everyone is married and living happily. Hard to find a date to start with.

mplsfind…as soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.

Oh wait, no I won’t. THEY’RE ALL MINE!!!!!111!!

I have always found online dating to be incredibly superficial. have read a lot about it different blogs and books (download mainly from http://www.picktorrent.com )anyway, I have rarely actually got to know someone online -by know someone, I mean know if I can trust them or not, know if I would like to spend several hours in their company, even just have a relatively clear idea about the facts of their life (age, profession, marital status).
And then, the whole first date thing – you’ve been flirting with this person for two weeks, and you finally meet in a bar, and you realise that physically there is nothing there… It’s a very awkward situation.