Secrets of the City

Every Monday??! I never knew. I’ll be hitting that up real soon. I love stand up, and even more when it is free.

“Anybody here ever try out an open mic night, as performer or audience?”

Yeah, I have a feeling somewhere here has. Where is she?

I went to ACME once as an audience member. It was OK. Lots of mediocre/forgettable, one pretty good/memorable and one ghastly/imprinted on my brain forever.

Kind of like a Twins or Vikings game?

I think I’d rather have uncomfortable dental work than attend and event that featured the Air Force Lesbian and Ultra Minnesotan Accent Bug Lab Lady.

Our own bixby will be performing at Acme on Tuesday, Aug. 4 for the Funniest Person in the Twin Cities contest.

Come cheer her to victory!

The headliner that night does Mormon standup.

“so I turned to my wives and said….”

(rimshot)

“take my wives, please”
-Henny Young, famous Mormon comedian

That’s no lady, that is one of my five wives!

I hope none of you thinks about participating…

“…I wouldn’t go to this event if you handed me a ticket on a golden plate…I’m talking to you, Moroni!”

–Joe Smith, founder of the Mormon Comedy Club

That’s no lady, that is one of my five wives!

Famed Mormon alt-country musician Lyle Lovely & His Large Band-Aid?

My whole routine is going to be an angry rant about Anoka County. Sure, it won’t be funny, but do you guys think I’m anything but serious about my plan to move Anoka County at least 2 counties away from Hennepin. Besides, I’m convinced that it’s not a natural born county anyway. So, it really needs to leave and go back to Wisconsin where it was born.

What about Ramsey County? They’re named after a condom, practically.

Also, what’s a hennepin? Is that what rooster gives his steady?

And how about Dakota county…

Wait. That’s racist.

Also, speaking of mormons and comedy, the headliner the night I’m performing is a mormon dude and he’s hi-larious. Hit me up if you want tickets. I’ve got about 5 or so…

We’re going. You’ve already got us covered, right?

Yes, I’ll put you down for 2 who plan on fighting in the revolution against Anoka County. We have to stop fighting at sundown though. I’m scared to be there after, say 930.

Anoka’s OK. They have OK in their name so they must be.

Feel free to us any of these at open mike night, Bix.

The also have NO in their name.
A, NO OK, A

Haters. You are all just jealous. I have lived in Anoka County for 22 years now. Love it.

I cant wait to go! haha im already laughing.

Speaking of comedy, Happy DeRusha Day, everyone!

I heard that the Mayor of Maple Grove is presenting him with the Garage Opener to the City.

That’s a universal opener, too. It opens every garage in the city.

Inre: that picture of Jason: I interned at a television station in college. The sportscaster often came to work directly from golf course. He used to do his show in sport coat and tie and behind the desk he was wearing shorts and sandals.

Small market TV.

I accept g_rote’s point about NO being in Anoka. I reject Jpb’s re: OK. Also, there are a few silent letters in the that no one ever remembers to include in the proper spelling: Anokgetoutwhileyoucana

But seriously, I haven’t even started on my routine yet, which isn’t unusual but I’m not particularly happy with what I have up to now. Then again, it doesn’t really matter as anyone who knows anything about what happens every year knows I will lose no matter how funny everyone in the audience thought I was. This is a fact.

Anokkka.

I’ve been to the Acme’s open mic a few times. In my experience it’s 2/3 bad, 1/3 good, though there have been rare 80% good nights. It is free, though, and the bartender does not stiff you on alcohol.