Secrets of the City

My mom and I were surprised this year that no one at the Minneapolis farmers’ market sells Blue Spruce anymore. The only short needle tree is Frasier Fur.

For some reason the farmers market tree operation scares me. I don’t know why. FYI, I paid $40 for an 8-foot tall Balsam Fir at the lot I linked above.

I refuse to support the tree holocaust for your filthy pagan-cum-christian-cum-consumerism celebrations!

Urban Earth Co-op, http://www.urbanearth.coop, has a bunch of Frasier Fur trees left, they’re kinda expensive, but they do last a long time and the needles don’t drop. The co-op also has quite a few table top trees too – see their website for pics.

raindog – the stench of your misery is really overwhelming at times. Please, take a deep breath then go shower.

We go every year to a vacant lot that a couple guys rent on Central Avenue near the Wilde Roast Coffee House. They work out of an old, beat-up shed that looks like an old fishouse. I’ve seen one of the proprietors wear as sweatshirt that reads Santa — Satan.

Nice guys. Nice trees

no, I’m seriously not raindog, but I do hate dumb fucking holidays.

I use an artifical tree. I have a rather small house and a real tree would take up the majority of the living room. Also it only takes about 3 minutes to drag it up from the basement every year. Don’t want to cut into the Nog Russian drinking time.

Nog Russian:
2 oz Vodka – Mid priced from the freezer
2 oz Fake Kalua
1.5 oz Egg Nog

No one is forcing you observe them

artificial.

Dick

IT’S FAKE! CALL IT FAKE! FAKE FAKE FAKE! NOT REAL!

Christmas trees are a big freakin’ mess. But if I get one, it’s usually from one of the neighbors.

I’m not in the hole “Kill a tree for Christ” brigade either. However, I do not celebrate the holidays – er – uh – Christmas (Sorry Bill) at my house. So, it doesn’t make any sense to do purchase one.

The only winning move is not to play.

Every year, you can cut down a tree to use as decoration and potential fire hazard for a couple weeks, buy a space-taking reusable facsimile that can be reused for years and years, or choose something more “contemporary” from a place like Pier 1, and throw it out when it looks hideous in a few years’ time.

I go back to visit my family for the holidays anyway, so why would I buy a tree?

I tend to go for the 24 footer custom ordered from Bachman’s.

Very “Eden Prairie”.

I just stick with the aluminum pole.

I like the smell of a real tree. They’re grown for the purpose of being cut down most of the time. It’s not like it’s going to be saved if you don’t buy it.

The smell is cool, Rat. Some candles come close, but I’d argue that more homes burn down because of candles than burn down because of trees. I have no facts to support that, but I’d argue it nonetheless.

Fake. Ugly-ass Charlie Brown version I bought at Big Lots for $10. I cover it in my collection of antique and vintage ornaments.

Then I turn on the blinky lights, turn off all the other lights, lay under the tree and listen to Fleetwood Mac. No, I really do this.

Jason, I’d wager that more homes burn down because THEY’RE MADE OF WOOD than any other reason.

The lights you buy now burn cool. You don’t have to put anything on a tree that could be fire hazard.

We should ban wood.

Some of my favorite Christmas music are old CD’s of the Traveling Wilburys. I think I bought those around Christmas and I always think of Christmas when I hear them

For anyone looking for such a thing, they sell sustainably grown, non-spray-painted trees at the Seward Coop. They are all bundled up in white netting and need to be released to breathe free in happy, guilt-free PC homes.

Death to the infidel trees.

Jewish Chistmas Music…it’s a commercial conspiracy!!! Neil Diamond & Barry Manilow & Barbara Streisand. Just who buys these? I imagine that Barbara’s “Christmas Memories” consisted mostly of going out for Chinese food in Brooklyn with the extended family.

As I said before, I don’t do the tree. However, the Do It Yourself Woodworker in me has a design for the perfect tree…

It would be a stacked series of round tables of decreasing size ala tree shape. Perhaps there would be hooks at some places to connect ornaments and/or lights. On the tables you place the presents. Thus, the gift wrapping would be the primary decoration. If you did not want to put presents on the tree you could use candles, etc. There you go, free of charge!

We need a final solution to the tree problem!

I like to adorn my Festivus Pole with various ornaments, followed by a demonstration of feats of strength and airing of grievances.

Damn – Michael Richards has ruined Seinfeld forever!

I wish us Jews could have Christmas trees without feeling like sellouts. I really like them, but the nagging feeling that I’ve already over-assimilated keeps me from putting one up.

i like to adorn my festivus pole with a stripper.

Festivus..it’s for the rest of us.

I have a Christmas tree. I figure it’s a pagan symbol anyway.

Yeah, hello–nothing Christian about a Christmas tree. Go for it, dude.

Like other Jews, I likes me some Christmas tree. Sorry Grammy, I hate to say it, but Chanukah sucks.

We should ban wood.

That from Jason’s wife, actually.

My perfect tree is alive and in the ground.

New Slogan: Buy a christmas tree and let Bill O’Reilly dammed on you for it.

Santa’s helper, the ban has been effect for some time.

I love Christmas!

Usually buy a tree from the Y’s Men but this year due to Beautiful Baby Girl (and the chaos of 3 dogs and a cat) I brokedown and bought a FAKE (gasp) tree from Target—on sale….and…I love it! Pre-lit. Popped that sucker up in 5 minutes- pre-lit to boot! Now I just have to mix up some sweet Old Fashions (I have the BEST recipe) and it’s orgiastic pagan, yule time bliss!

Where’d you buy the baby?

I’ve had an artificial tree for years. Many years ago when I had a real tree, my dog lifted his leg up on it and backed up his butt against it. Now I have a cat and an artificial tree. I wish someone would invent an ornament which could be put on the tree containing a repellent that would keep cats and dogs away from the tree. I love my tree and my cat, Kiki, but why can’t they co-exist. I do have some repellent spray that I got from Petco, but it has to be sprayed constantly.

I have a gift for Jeanette Trompeter, and it’s made of wood…

we trimmed our dog wood this fall and ended up with 6 foot long branches. we put them in a pail, filled it with sand so they would be supported, and hung homemade garland and christmas cards from friends.

killing trees makes baby jesus cry.

Here is some damn fine Jewish Christmas music.