Secrets of the City

How about my 10 least favorite cheese sandwich blogs?
1. I smoked a cigarette.
2. I wrote about smoking a cigarette.
3. I read some other blogs about people smoking a cigarette.
4. I commented on cigarette smoking blogs and left my email so I could raise my own chance of meeting other losers who smoke.
5. I googled “Hot guys who smoke”
6. It came up with Sean Penn, eeuuww.
7. Hey, Robin Wright Penn was great in The Princess Bride.
8. Had a post google coital cigarette.
9. Do I usually smoke after sex?
10. I don’t know. I never looked.

I was a bit sleepy this morning:

Here’s the caffeine equivalency list from Wikipedia:
* One 200 mg caffeine pill
* Three standard Excedrin pills
* Two Foosh mints [3] (3.6 grams)
* Five 1 fluid ounce shots of espresso from robusta beans (150 milliliters)
* Two 8 fluid ounce containers of regular coffee (470 milliliters)
* One and a half pounds of milk chocolate (680 grams)
* Three 8-Fluid Ounce cups of Red Bull energy drink (710 milliliters)
* Four 8-Fluid Ounce cups of Vault energy drink (1 liter)
* Five 8 fluid ounce cups of black tea (1.2 liters)
* Five 8-Fluid Ounce cups of Mountain Dew (1.2 liters)
* Five 12 fluid ounce cans of typical soda pop (1.8 liters) (variable)
* Eight and a Half 8-Fluid Ounce cups of Coca-Cola Classic (2 liters)
* Ten 8 fluid ounce cups of green tea (2.4 liters)
* Fifty 8 fluid ounce cups of decaffeinated coffee (12 liters)

Songs I want to learn on my guitar (I’m just starting):

1. Layla (Clapton unplugged version)
2. Out Loud – Dispatch
3. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson
4. Hurricane – Bob Dylan
5. Masters of War – Bob Dylan
6. Snow (Hey Oh) – Chili Peppers
7. Sister Morphine – Rolling Stones

Things I keep saying I’d like to do, but just haven’t:
1. Paint/draw/build
2. Learn how to actually play the piano (had 8 years of lessons as a kid – I suck)
3. Buy a tandem kayak (1 seat for me, one for dog)
4. Go back to school
5. Grow my hair out
6. Improve my German
7. Go to the new Guthrie and all the other places in the TC I haven’t seen yet
8. Read the stack of books growing on my desk
9. Use my gym membership
10. Meet more cool/creative/fun people

10 Things I Find Really Disturbing and/or Disappointing

10. Almost any component of The 2nd Wind Exercise Equipment marketing, but especially the billboard with the Photoshopped baby wearing a mustache that says “Start Em’ YOUNG!”

9. Any kind of flip-flops, sandals, or any footwear that exposes people’s nasty, grunk feet.

8. People who think it’s OK to chain a dog up, ever, anywhere, for any reason.

7. Pretty women and girls who wear baseball caps and talk like frat boys. Lesbians excluded. They do it well.

6. The smoking ban – while a great idea – has driven all the drunk, already-stupid-if-they-smoke people OUTSIDE onto the sidewalks, into the parking lots, and into the streets, making being a pedestrian in the city a whole lot more unpleasant. Maybe trying to smoke outside this winter will get the stinky idiots to finally quit already. Duh.

5. Tim Pawlenty

4. The staggering number of huge, late-model SUV’s I see parked (usually illegally) at the welfare/public health/human service offices on the first of the month. I don’t get it. No way could the workers there OR the recipients be able to afford that, in theory.

3. Did I say flip-flops?

2. Seeing people turning their polo collars up again. You look like a damn fool.

1. Harley-Davidsons.

Best song begginings (in no particular order):

Monkey Man – Rolling Stones
Gimme Shelter – Rolling Stones
Come Together – Beatles
Back in the USSR – Beatles
Bullet with Butterfly Wings – Smashing Pumpkins
Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
Love Shack – B-52s
White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane
Great Balls of Fire – Jerry Lee Lewis
Voodoo Child – Jimi Hendrix
Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves
Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
Where Is My Mind – Pixies
Let’s Go Crazy – Prince

10 Things I did at work today before noon:
1. Checked e-mail, MnSpeak, MySpace.
2. Had breakfast consisting of toast w’cherry jam, coffee, and kettle corn from Monday’s Music and Movies in Loring Park.
3. Checked on flights to Denver, Ft. Lauderdale, and Savannah… now if I can only bank some vacay time.
4. Made revisions to a report.
5. Answered testing questions from field peoples.
6. Revised previous revisions.
7. Started gap analysis on another project – complete with “gap out” disco nap right in the middle.
8. Started making lists of music to buy, things I want to do this weekend, groceries needed, other misc tasks.
9. Ate so much watermelon that an hour later Im still burping it up.
10. Heard Alexi Murdoch on the Current; revised stalking schedule.

10 things I like to try to squeeze in during my annual spring weekend trip back to Minneapolis (hit all but two of them this past March):

10. Auto Show (tradition with old roomie)
9. Run around Lake Harriet
8. First Avenue show, if possible
7. Coffee at Bob’s Java Hut
6. Wasting a few hours in the Uptown Cheapo racks
5. Wandering the skyways
4. Driving/riding around the city, particularly the parkways and University areas.
3. Hanging with friends in an empty bar on a Saturday afternoon
2. At least one beer at Pracna, and at least one in Stadium Village
1. Spending at least one whole day walking/barhopping around downtown/riverfront/U.

10 Things I Find Really Disturbing and/or Disappointing

2. Seeing people turning their polo collars up again. You look like a damn fool.

Exactly!

Who vomitted back up the 80’s? I thought that putrid decade had been shat out and flushed down for good.

The other day driving thru Hennepin Lake area I saw a couple that made me stop & laugh uncontrollably, ala Axel Foley laughing at the MJ lookalikes.

Anyone willing to pitch in for a banner to be flown over Uptown: “Leg Warmers & Rolled Girbaud Jeans at 25 Years”?

Things I learned while trying to attempt the South Beach Diet:
1. Asparagus really does make your pee stink.
2. [a dramatic change in diet such as] avoiding pizza can give you pizza-face.
3. A high protein diet, rich in meats, can not only explain your own excess flatulence, it can also shed light on why the dog continues to gag you with her farts.
4. A realization that candy is gross, potatos are gross, and white bread tastes like sweet glue when you chew it.
5. In most cases, nothing really happens if you don’t actually exercise.
6. You can actually develop a craving for squash and too much protein can also give you what my friend Ty terms “meat sweats”.
7. Lycasin (Maltitol Syrup), the ingredient that makes sugar-free candy sugar-free will induce EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA if over-consumed.
8. The explosive diarrhea will confuse you as to what it causing your weight loss, diet v. dehydration.
9. You’ll save a lot of money from packing your own healthy lunch, but come the weekend you’ll spend it on booze.
10. And in the end, the book works as a great hot pad on which to set that nice, piping hot pan of apple crisp when you buckle.

10 things what rum is good for:

1. Putting in my belly
2. Drinking
3. Mojitos
4. Cuba Libres
5. Getting me drunk
6. Zombies (the drink)
7. Chicks
8. Zombies (the undead)
9. Pouring into tiki mugs and then dumping into my mouth
10. Mouthwash. Intoxicating mouthwash.