Secrets of the City

I just want a decent bratwurst instead of those insipid dome dogs. And maybe some good sushi in an outfield patio. And, some better pitching.

Ha!

Ok, here is what I would like in Twinsville for my enjoyment:
margaritas and real lemonade (with a lemon in it, sort of like cherry lemonade at fairs) like in Kansas City, jalapeno stuffed sausages and complicated nachoes like in Milwaukee, and back bacon sandwhiches like in Toronto. Also chilli fries, cup holders and a heart defibrillator in each section.

Wireless access and/or better statistical information than what the Dome provides, better food choices, more wacky mascots, less Lee Greenwood, and the return of handlebars and fu manchus on players.

Let’s build a big Statue of Kirby Pucket surrounded by women and children out in front of the main gate where families can gather and bask in the glory of America’s past time and enjoy tender family moments.

Or perhaps a better spot might be in the men’s room.

No bother!

Oh and more sleazy strip joints PLEASE! After all they go hand-n-glove with most sports fans.

Ditto the Lee Greenwood. I’d also like to see that fucking bear beaten to death before they throw out the first pitch in the new park.

big Statue of Kirby Pucket
With an eyepatch, and uncomfortable expressions on the women’s faces.

Oh, never mind.

I want green space around the stadium. A place for people to munch on hot dogs and brats outside. Public performance space that’s useable for anything from theater to pre-game music would be ideal as well.

And seatback menus and wireless ordering systems so you don’t have to wait for the vendors to come to you every time you want another beer.

I’d like to see an old-timey Wrigley-Field-style base-ball park. But with robots.

I’ll say it again: poutine.

Blurnsball!

A nice home and in the stadium I’d like to see something like the Chophouse in Atlanta.

Okay with the sushi, but stop dissin the dome dog, Dog.

Homell Heaven. Fun in a Bun. Haute mit kraut.

Maybe adjust the prices on food a bit so “normal people” might actually want to get out and go to a game? As it stands the only day I’d actually consider going to a game is wednedsdays for dollar dog night.

Do the twinkies actually think a new stadium is going to mean sold out games all the time? I think they need to realize that Minneapolis is not a baseball city anymore, and they’re going to need to give us a good reason to come see the games.

I’m not sure children should be exposed to the “Weiner Winner” song either, Oscar.

I’ve been to the “new” parks in a couple of the cities, and one of the best things about them is that reasonably priced bars/restaurants have sprung up around them and attract good crowds before the games. Had large pints of imported beers in Cleveland for $3.50 before a game last year.

I went to some games in Cleaveland and we ate at that Cooperstown restaurant owned by Alice Cooper. You could upgrade your fries to chilli fries. Nice. Cleaveland had awesome fireworks too.

I second Rich’s nod for some quality public performance space – good local music outside the games would really help provide a great local flare to the atmosphere.

How about more mimes?

The tailgating in Milwaukee was pretty great people watching. I suppose you can’t grill on the light rail though. Tailgating at the lightrail parking lots along the line!

“How about more mimes?”

How about Robin Williams as the mime instructor in Shakes the Clown.

Doing “The Box”

“No, No, you don’t grab it like it’s a big ol’ tittie!”

I think the money would be better spent educating our children who the real heros in the world are.

Screw the mimes! Midget clown appearances before every game!

Someone had to say it…

DanD, I think you wandered into the wrong thread.

Here is the one you want.

Thanks for taking it to the midget clowns. I think I subconsciously was setting the thread up for that comment, richg.

No, Rich. No one had to say it.

If he didn’t, I woulda.

I hope when they put a roof on it, they don’t do it like Milwaukee. Even with the roof open there it feels like your inside.

I’d love a quaint stadium and surroundings like Baltimore. What a great way to spend a warm summer day!

The more isolated a site is, the more everything can be controlled. Keep it near housing, stores, people that aren’t going to the game and you’ll get diversity of activities. Put a big parking lot around it and it’ll be an isolated island unto itself.

Too bad it isn’t on the river but oh well.

Max, I think it’s almost time for the FAQ page on mnspeak inside jokes. First entry probably has to be midget clowns.

Reader, thanks. I’m beginning to think this parallel thread idea is a good one, sort of like the real world and Bizarro World in the old Superman comics.

FIREWORKS!!!!!

Since I started a shit storm on the other thread I figure I own this thread something pertinent.

I want those yummy Chicken Spinach Feta brats they sell at Rainbow to be sold down at the stadium! Or in a cart on Nicollet Mall so I can have one any day!

For the FAQ page: First Ever MNspeak Get Together! And a record of the number of times we’ve all gotten together…for the first time.

I nominate walleye shore lunch to be the official signature food item of the new stadium. Death to the Dome Dog…that thing is 6″ of lips and assholes on a stale bun.

The new stadium should sell knishes.

Max’s bubbie can make the knishes & kneidlach by hand.

My bubbie died in a knish-kneading accident. Thanks dredging up that painful memory.

1. Catfish po’boys
2. Some kinda mex/tex-mex/Chipotle type food – even just some guac to go with those nachos
3. More microbrews
4. Men’s rooms without the “trough” (I’m sick of hearing my husband bitch about it) and women’s rooms with separate, and I mean SEPARATE – areas for the screaming brats/shitty diapers
5. Vendors that actually sell to the cheap seats
6. Twins merchandise geared toward female fans that’s not just pink (how about some shirts that FIT instead of XXL garbage bag shirts) or some smart handbags
7. An organ player with soul
8. Nix the Kiss Cam, it’s gross!
9. Some special double-wide seats for fatties, so us skinnies don’t get crushed with the overflow
10. FREE programs

I would like to see the thing made of steel girders, with shadowy sections that seem to carry on forever. I would like no view of downtown, simply a green field surrounded by the dark seats. There would be bleachers made of wood, that seat a good ten thousand souls. No luxury boxes or Trinitrons. Surrounding the park would be sketchy vendors and beaten down storefronts that hawk cheap memorabilia and peanuts for far less money than inside. It would have a name like Twins Field or Puckett Stadium or Killebrew Park or The Hippodrome on 5th Street.

Oh I like the kiss cam. How ’bout a less heterosexually focused kiss cam?

Oh I like the kiss cam. How ’bout a less heterosexually focused kiss cam?

Is there something similar at Lynx games?

oops. I am not sure if there is a kiss cam at Lynx games.

I am not a fan of the warped alien faces and I miss the Great Tire Race.

I love this thread! I’ll repost some of my wishes for the new park/area:
1. Little league field so kids can play tournaments in the shadow of the big league field
2. Lots of housing: a mix, that might make small families feel comfortable (there are so few couples with kids downtown– I’d like to be here!)
3. Maybe some retail mixed with a Twins hall of fame… to give people a reason to visit the area outside of the Minnesota baseball season. You know, in October.

Oh snap! JD – 1, Twins – 0.

I think there is a Twins Hall of Fame in Saint Cloud, at least there was when I went to it like 10 years ago. Will that sporting goods store, Dome Souvenirs Plus, move with the stadium? It should.

Also, I like the little league diamond idea. Something ike that Kix Field by Wells Fargo Home Mortgage and the Greenway.

Max, are you ok with rugelach? Or did a cantor do something unspeakable to you with the chocolate variety?

Kiss cam at the Lynx games – YES.
Kiss cam at the gay rodeo – NO

Aw, that’s so hippocritical its sweet!

msparber: The new stadium should sell knishes.

I agree! One of my favorite things about Yankee Stadium is the knishes.

Max, are you ok with rugelach? Or did a cantor do something unspeakable to you with the chocolate variety?

I really don’t want to talk about it.

I’ll second Erica’s second call for poutine and add: trains!

Oh wait, there’s already going to be trains. Well, if you can’t beat em …

a big donation bucket shaped like a baseball so fans can put in their money and help buy a better team. ahem. oh wait, we’re already giving the fat bastids our tax money. never mind.

Max, I’m guessing your experiences with matzoh balls are fodder for intense therapy then?

It needs places to tailgate! You can get knishes, brats, whatever your hearts desire if there is a place to sit and prepare it near the ball park. No Lee Greenwood! Enough already! It should be “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” or nothing!!! Let me hear ya! Good and loud!

hey oofdah let’s put a donation bucket outisde the Fitzgerald Theater so we can put in more money and help Prarire Home Companion buy better lights and make-up. oh wait, we’re already giving that ugly bastard our tax money, never mind.

I’m pretty sure that in an interview Craig Finn said he would move back to Minnesota if the Twins actually get an outdoor stadium! Let’s hope he is true to his word!

We need more Hold Stready shows locally.

The Farmer’s Market on Lyndale is ready-made for tailgaiting, and will only be a 3 block walk to the stadium. There are already permanent stands with brats, fresh squeezed lemonade and whole roast corn on the cob.

There needs to be a kiosk / shrine for Minnesota’s pioneering professional baseball team, the Minneapolis Millers, who are the subject of a great children’s book. And on the topic of baseball history in Minnesota, if you care about the preservation of the game, check out these guys.

Maybe the Hold Steady should be a regular part of the ball park experience. I would like to hear their take on “Take me out to the ball game”.

Anybody’d who’d eat sushi is not a real American. Unless of course you actually hate the thought of eating raw fish and are only pretending you like it to impress your friends because you have such a fragile self-worth. But then you’d be a real American, but a lefty american with typical lefty neurotic issues.

I like the farmer’s market idea.

I also vote for:
- Decent vegetarian options at the stadium concession stands
- Guacamole (good stuff!)
- Good french fries
- Much more handicapped-accessible seating. The handicapped seating at the Metrodome is insufficient and apparently designed by idiots who have no idea how big a wheelchair is.
- Lefse (we need that Minnesota touch)

Lets all go to dtester’s house and beat him about the head and neck with a nice piece of tuna belly then make some tasty toro Sashimi!

mmmmm, sushi. Too bad I’m not into violence, Mpls Simpleton.

Well maybe we could just taunt him with its fatty goodness!

Lefse!!! YES! with butter and cinnamon. Veg options are a good idea too.

Oh, in Denver they dress kids up to do the YMCA. Maybe we could dress kids up like Prince and have them dance to Let’s Go Crazy.

I think they should have garlic fries like they have in Seattle and San Fran. Best ballpark food ever! (And I’d like to see more/better food options in the cheap seats. Outfield-sitters deserve better than just stupid Field Fare or whatever it is at the Dome…

Also, I hope the parking/tailgating issue will be resolved because they took away all the Dome parking and built condos.

quit trying to make this twins stadium thing seem fun. as a dedicated hipster in the creative class, there’s no way that i’ll ever see baseball as being cool or fun.

An old-timey organ. But not too big. Bx’s husband would come back from the trough and still feel inadequate.

What a coincidence! There’s no way to make someone who says “dedicated hipster in the creative class” without a trace of irony seem fun either.

Personally, I think baseball sucks. But if it’s outdoors and there’s a never ending source of beer, good food, and some incidental entertainment, I’m ok with it.

Great idea to have people dress up like Prince! I love it! In Milwaukee we had the sausage races… and that’s always a crowd pleaser!

Word to Julia…the garlic fries @ Pac Bell are the ultimate stadium food. It’s the aroma as much as the taste that gets you…if they did tons of garlic fries @ the new Twins stadium it might even overpower the stench from the incinerator….BTW, what is the plan for that incinerator? I, for one, think it should be relocated to the top of Lowry Hill.

One thing I love about Safeco Field in Seattle is the openings in the facade at street level, allowing passersby to peer in and get a glimpse of that sweet green grass. Also Summit or Town Hall should be adequately represented in the liquid refreshment department.

The garlic fries at Pac Bell are ruining that park.

JD, I thought the sausage race was the ongoing feud between Nick Coleman & Steve Marsh.

LOL

This is a sausage party. Where’s the chicks? Anybody read Doug Grow’s column this week? Interesting.

Good read, Marsh. If women ruled the world there would be no war, no baseball, and MSP Magazine would be considered heavy on content.

Grote, that’s perfect.

Personally, I think baseball sucks. But if it’s outdoors and there’s a never ending source of beer, good food, and some incidental entertainment, I’m ok with it.

Tru dat. Baseball sober is like… fishing… sober.

I wonder which thread will have longer legs, this one or the “political” version?

I’d like a lot fewer “theme” nights. They never end.

I wanna show up and just see a baseball game. Instead, I see people trudging up and down the aisles in a quest to feed their face.

The Dome has hot dogs close to the size of an adult forearm. That’s obscene! Something has gone awry when you see what is supposed to be a simple snack transformed into that.

How about a No Eating Section. I think I’ve heard of that at other stadiums.

I got the site marked on wikimapia! I pwn the intrawebs.

I’d like to see more local beer at the park. As it was last season, you had to be sitting behind home plate (or willing to search high and low) to get a Summit. Hell, even at Miller Park, where you can’t go 20 feet without MGD or Miller Lite, there are still quite a few stands with better Wisconsin beer. Hell, they even had New Glarus beer readily available.

There Definately HAS To Be Some Vegetarian Options.
I’m Damn Tired Of Having To Sneak In Organic Veggi Snacks!!!

They have cheese pizzas. That work? Big round ones that people carry back to their seats. Whole pizzas, they buy.

Another World Series.

I’m hearing a lot of good food options. But the problem is, most of them you are taking from another park. Garlic Fries – although good, is not “Minnesotan Food.”

How about some MN things like:
Famous Daves Ribs (Inside the park)
Walleye Fingers
Wild Rice soaked in Butter (Heck, put it in a mini Twins helmet)

Then some “Midwest” stuff:
Sausage Link w/ Peppers on a Kaiser roll bun
Brat w/ WARM Kraut and good mustard options
“Anything” on a stick, like the State Fair
Corn on the Cob

These are all great things for sitting outdoors and watching a Ball Game.

- Red-light district to the north, family-friendly to the east.

hey, ole –

if you can’t see the difference between subsidizing the distribution of a bit of culture/entertainment/fun and subsidizing the expensive plaything of a bunch of billionaires…well, uh, eat lefse.

First its one billionaire, now it’s a bunch.

Are the stands filled with billionaire’s too?

Minnesota is starting to look like some tiny oil-rich country.

How about “free sexual assault Fridays”?

After all….you Twin’s fans are good at implying that “she is asking for it*”…

You dig?

* = taxation w/o representation

I just got back from two games at Wrigley and there’s no way Minnesota will ever have anything at all like that. Ever. The people are so radically different we can’t hope to even come close. If we try, we’ll just look stupid.

Besides, after a scorching day in the bleachers I’m thinking maybe a dome isn’t so bad. Let’s re-think this whole thing.