Secrets of the City

The small item (two sentences) is at the bottom of this page.

Should I prepare my resume?

Not much more in City Pages.

I think it’s time for the midget clowns to get a shot in the driver’s seat — a fresh editorial voice.

Thanks Rex. I couldn’t find it online.

There’s nothing that isn’t improved by the addition of a few midget clows. Clown cars. Cannon that shoot people across the room. Monthly publications.

I have a strong feeling that whoever takes over for Hans is going to get as much flack from the “general public” as Matt is getting for taking over for Rex… no matter how good… Thems is tough shoes to fill.

Ladies and Gentlemen…

…I give you the newest addition to the Rake staff.

Bravo, my man. Bravo.

I think it will be Steve Marsh, in pro-wrassling-style doublecross!

I never understood where Hans got the stamina to spend his daylight hours editing The Rake and still run Moonlight Bike Taxi at night. But like everyone who perched on his handlebars while speeding through the evening breeze, hearing him call out hellos to all the bats and moths who know him by name, I must say that if the time finally came to choose between the two, I can’t say he picked the wrong one. Yet what joyous and skillfull edits he did make! Would that he were here to gently carve away the excesses and encourage promising developments in this very Comment.

If I had a bit of time, I’d put together a Hans greatest hits post, including work from his stint at The Rake plus three of the best publications of the ’90s: Spin (way awesome back then), Request (best defunct music mag evah) and Suck.com (the reason they invented the internet).

But you don’t, so we’ll just relax, secure in the knowledge that The Rake will soon be under the small, but firm, hands of its new dwarf-like overlord.

Caught in another scalping sting?

Even though I think it’s about damn time that midget clowns are fairly represented in the workplace, I think this is going to be a terrible, terrible loss for The Rake.

Agreed, Taylor. Most definitely. But The Rake shall overcome….

Why must midget clown civil rights always be accompanied by tragedy?

man, I forgot all about Request mag; used to pick that up at Musicland while hangin out at Maplewood Mall with my mom

That would be sweet. In a shocking move, I should be introduced by both Matt and Tom at a press conference, with shades, a black bandana, with a blond handlebar mustache against dyed-black stubble, accompanied to the dais by Jimi Hendrix. Then Brian Anderson, the editor-in-chief of Mpls.St.Paul, could run down the aisle and ask me if it’s really true, and when Brian and I were talking, Bartel would hit Brian over the head with a chair, I could land my world famous leg drop, and we would all spraypaint “NWO” on his chest while he’s unconscious.

I could land my world famous leg drop, and we would all spraypaint “NWO” on his chest while he’s unconscious.

Then Apesgrapes would switch sides and schedule a steel cage match with you in which there would be a chair in the ring and no holds would be barred!

Unfortunately, The Rake must not have any money left (maybe daddy should consider returning matty’s graduation present to rex). So none of these genius publicity stunts will ever come to fruition.

oh no, which steve marsh is the fake? this is like that situation in every comic book ever where there’s a fake hero and a real hero and somehow someone has to decide which one to destroy!

Whoa. No need to even go there guys. Apesgrapes day rates run well into the 6-figure range.

You see, you always take the joke too far. That’s your genius and your achilles heel.

But you don’t, so we’ll just relax, secure in the knowledge that The Rake will soon be under the small, but firm, hands of its new dwarf-like overlord.

I for one welcome our new dwarf-like overlord!

…and when Brian and I were talking, Bartel would hit Brian over the head with a chair, I could land my world famous leg drop, and we would all spraypaint “NWO” on his chest while he’s unconscious.

Leave it to Marsh to book a Dusty Finish.

Maybe the Rake can get Paul Heyman as editor.

Actually nevermind, it’s not like that at all. Destroy both just to be safe!

I was hoping someone else would say it.

That is terrible news. But I’m sure it can only mean good things for Hans. Hans was my former boss at Request (thanks, Rex!), and by far one of the best bosses I’ve ever had. He already knows this I’m sure, but I likely would’ve died a slow painful death if it weren’t for Hans, who was generous enough to take a chance on lil’ ol’ inexperienced me. Aside from being a fantastic editor and writer, he’s big-hearted and honest. A rareity, and a big loss for the Rake.

.

Heard it was because Bartels was interjecting himself into editorial too much.

steve marsh is now playing a bird!

the O RLY owl has something to say about that!

Actually Hans wanted to print a recipe for meth and Tom refused. Hans and Alexis are currently planning a new publication.

On a serious note, Hans was great to work with. I will miss him. I have no doubt he will end up doing something equally as great.

Hans and Alexis are currently planning a new publication.

Bring on the cupcakes!!!!!!!!

I’ve always enjoyed the Rake since it started, and rex is otm about Suck.com, which I adored then and still miss. The pieces by “Ambrose Beers” are some of the best writing about terror and security I’ve come across, years ahead of everyone.

did he post here as just “hans”? the hans i flipped out at over music about a week ago? yeah sorry about that. and good luck.

Hans, I hates to see ya go.

What I will really miss is having a Ole on the Rake staff. My historical perspective on Mr. Eisenbeis has more to do with all-day punk shows run by dual generators down at Heath Creek outside St. Olaf campus. I can’t remember his band’s name — and he doesn’t remember mine, although it was called Los Loser Winos — but it was real punk rock in the late-80s.

Best to you, brother. I’ll keep those Carleton heathen, non-choir singing, hairy, co-habitatin’ weed-smokers in check…as in, “at my next party.”

Too bad…he seemed to have just the right editorial “ear” to fit the magazine’s tone. Maybe he was the right guy to help get The Rake off the ground, and now someone else can take it to the next level, wherever that is.