Secrets of the City

Rat’s gonna be mad.

Would any of them recommend MNspeak’s “tonight’s play”, the Salmon Rushdie?

One of these three is not like the other ones.

Rex, are you starting one of those Tickle IQ tests?

One doesn’t blog?

As Dara is the only one I know, my vote is for her.

Dara, hands down. That woman can write.

Dara is good, I read her almost every week. She’s a good strait-up food critic. But I love Stephanie’s short blurbs in The Rake’s restaurant database. They give a really helpful idea of what the place is like.

I’m biased here, but… but this is one of those absolutes that I can’t possibly try to justify in this 2×4 box… you get it or you don’t. Dara is… Reichelian… Steingartenian… it’s simply a different category.

Anyway, last week witnessed one of my favorite MNspeak moments of all time. In the lede to her column, Dara responded [in City Pages] to Marsh’s assertion [on MNspeak] that she’s a commie.

Now that’s community!

I’ve always thought she was gorgeous. Since she apparently reads this, hi Dara, now you know.

No offense to the others, but Dara is in a league of her own.

Isn’t Stephanie March really Steve Marsh? If so, I vote for Dara.

“So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end.” – Homer Simpson

Steph, Dara or chef Baldilocks? They all have a good scam going.

What, no love for Kathie Jenkins over at the Pioneer Press?

Hey, what’s this post about, anyway? Am I supposed to vote for my favorite local paid restaurant critic? Everyone knows I love Andrew Zimmern, and it’s not because I’m on his radio show. It’s all the dirty emails he sends me.

I put way more things in my mouth than all of three of those poseurs combined.

PS: I hate Suri.

PPS: What about Matt’s contribution? Pretty sweet. “Dara is a really good writer, you guys, but I think Stephanie’s stuff for my dad’s website is pretty neato. She lists the addresses and the phone numbers and everything.”

I put way more things in my mouth than all of three of those poseurs combined.

Usually, just your feet, Steve.

There you go, Steve. Now Stephanie is going to have to write about you.

Rake interns (like me) actually fill in the address and phone numbers. Stephanie just writes the reviews.

PS. Bite me.

Steve March aka Stephanie = big ol’ cryin’ baby. Not everyone feels your love.

lol.

Dara, and it’s not even close. She’s the best writer of any columnist in the Twin Cities. Not any foold columnist. Any columnist. I’ll read her stuff even if I’m not vaguely interested in the food being discussed.

Dara’s great, if you’re interested in Dara. March writes about food, not restaurants, in the Rake. She knows more about how food works than Steve Marsh knows about being a dipshit.

I’ve been a big fan of Dara for a long time but I would have to give my vote to Andrew Z. Why? He’s got a weekly radio show that is all over the place. His new blog is very interesting. He has always resisted the overly cutesy style that Dara has adopted. Go write a novel if that’s what you really want to do.

I don’t know if the comparison is really fair or even has a point, but Dara’s one of the best writers in town — she actually makes me CARE about food.

What is with all the crazy flaming around here recently?

dara! dara! dara!

there are no others

Dara has always been an impressive writer, but I’ve never been in a position to find her opinions useful–$129 excellent wine as a better value than $20 good stuff is out of the question for this boy’s budget.

I use restaurant reviews when I only have an hour to plan a good date. For these purposes I’ve gotta say the Rake’s restaurant search blurb-writer wins out. Dara writes very well and I read her when I have the time, but Stephanie March (if she writes those Rakish blurbs) has a style that’s concise and meets my needs as a restaurant-review consumer.

Stephanie has written all but a handful of the Rake restaurant blurbs. In her spare time, she also provides ideas for the Strib.

What about Matt’s contribution? Pretty sweet. “Dara is a really good writer, you guys, but I think Stephanie’s stuff for my dad’s website is pretty neato. She lists the addresses and the phone numbers and everything.”

Some St. Olaf alumni never escape the Carleton shadow.

I’ll vote for Stephanie, as long as that doesn’t prevent me from casting a write-in vote for MNMO’s Rachel Hutton.

Dara, no question. Even when I’m not interested in the restaurant she’s reviewing, her writing keeps me enthralled.

one of the things killing criticism in general is this compulsion to compare, and reduce to a thumbs-up thumbs-down kinda comparison–tempting though it is to imagine those three squirming through this thread. you readers havbe been trained to expect it. that’s called service journalism, hooray!

actually, all i really wanted to say was: i like ‘em all, and wanted to go on the record as saying someone stole my name above i’m the real registered mccoy here. (need to maintain my professional demeanor of impartiality, at least in public–decorum!)

I was gonna say… that seemed rather contrarian of you.

Sicherman doesn’t do reviews, but in his spare time he provides ideas for stephanie, who has a long memory: STAR TRIBUNE (Mpls.-St. Paul) Headline: a world of groceries // As Minnesota’s ethnic makeup broadens, so does easy access to a wealth of foods. Date: 06/28/01
Section: TASTE

By far, I prefer Dara. But any writer who pushes the boundaries of the food scene around here is more than ok in my book. I love her outfits when she does TV spots.

Iggers bugs the hell out of me though.

I thought we went over this kind of recently, but here’s my take: Dara is an entertaining writer. Ridiculously witty, if occassionally, a little overcooked. The main prob is that you have to read 1000 words before you get to her review. And when you do get there, you can usually figure that out yourself — small, chef driven? Thumbs up. Large, ambitious 200 seater? Thumbs down. I love that she chose a review of a converted coffee shop to respond to my commie chiding. Take it easy, lady. (Plus, and this is the whispering over the backfence that our small town “community” is really all about, I’ve heard she’s a big fan of the caesar no dressing. She writes like she’s 300 pounds, but…)

Iggers: same thing, but an even more naked agenda, and without Dara’s style.

Stephanie March? Meh.

So as long as we’re pumping Big Daddy these days, I gotta go with the round mound of profound, Z. He really knows his stuff. Sometimes, he’s a little too “Everything’s fantastic,” but if you’re going to pan somebody’s coppa-crusted rabbit loin, Minnesotans need a spoonful of sugar. You just can’t be mean here.

What does Carleton-St. Olaf have to do with anything? They’re both meat-is-murder types, in their own way. I reprezent WBL, y’all.

Lunchtime!

Shogun

I believe that the terms of Dara’s restraining order against me don’t prohibit me from declaring my undying love and admiration on local website comment threads. But why risk it? Wait- maybe by risking incarceration, I could really prove to her how serious my devotion is. But if I got locked up, would I still be allowed to read City Pages? Okay, I need to work some stuff out before I am ready to comment. But I will say that 1) I would be happy if there were twice as many food critics in the Twin Cities as there are now, because I will read absolutely anything about local restaurants; and 2) That fauxhans comment really threw me, bonafidehans! ‘Go write a novel, if that’s what you really want to do,’ indeed! There should be more repressed novelists tucking characters and whimsical digressions into every manner of avocation, from paramedics to military careerists, as far as I’m concerned.

“You just can’t be mean here.”

Someone just stole Steve Marsh’s soul.

That soul-burgler was Alison Triarsi.

Now, who’s this Suri chick? Is Tommy B. in ethnic drag again?

Yeah, we need way more whimisical digressions.

You must love Mariah Carey, sarah. Go back to your lavendar ponies. The rest of us are hungry.

oooh, diss me, marsh!

Behave, mimi.

>>> The main prob is that you have to read 1000 words before you get to her review.

Oh, man, but they’re usually a delicious 1000 words. I always find it a tremendous pleasure to read her reviews — one man’s “overcooked” is no doubt another’s “beautifully baroque.”

Now, if you wanna talk “overcooked” — remember Terri Sutton back in the day? Hoo boy.

(looks around) I can say that here, right?

DM is a superb food writer. AZ is a fantastic food-media maven. As far as restaurants go, all I want to be is that chick on the other end of the question (where should I eat today?) that gives you a tasty bit: pork sandwich at Scotty J’s, fried chicken at Mtka Drive-In. Is that so wrong?

And if I’m not exactly Marsh’s taste, I know I’m dong something right.

Iactually liked Terri Sutton, but I concede your point.

Overcooked is cool. My shit if burnt to a crisp. I’m just fooling around. I read Dara every week. (BTW, what’s up with that lately? She negotiate a new vacay package from New Times?)

Wait? Stephanie March and Steve Marsh in one place at the same time?

I was waiting for someone to attack the sheer comedy of Marsh accusing someone of being overcooked. That’s like me attacking someone for being too goofy on TV.

I love Dara’s writing. It makes me hungry. But I probably look to Zimmern and March more for actual recommendations.

being too goofy on TV

that’ll be JD after covering the 420 pot festival at Mac
be sure to wipe the cheeto dust off your mouth before going on the air

The man shut down the festival. No 420 for me today. But I’ll see if I can work the numbers 4, 2, and zero into my story at ten. It’s the secret code, dudes!

Is dara hot?

If so, I vote for her!

From my favorite Hebrew linguist, breaking down Tom & Katie’s babyname:

Suri has only two meanings – one is a person from Syria and the other “go away” when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert Jonathan Went says, “I think it’s fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way.” Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy’s name, and it also means “pointy nose” in some Indian dialects and “pickpocket” in Japanese.

From Gawker, breaking down the baby name: “It’s a small city in upstate New York known for its cold winters and eponymous university. And it’s dad’s hometown.” Syracuse. Don’t say I never did you any favors, Marsh.

It’s all making perfect sense now. suri-cruise = syracuse

Taken from http://www.SyrAction.com.

“On the main page is a quote by Elbert Hubbard. He was a turn of the century philosopher, who resided in the small town of East Aurora, NY (Near Buffalo). He formed the Roycroft Society, which was a society of craftsmen with various talents. One of the craftsmen was Leopold Stickley, who founded Stickley Furniture, now in Manlius NY. Hubbard’s essay “A message to Garcia” is given to every West Point graduate. He died when the Lusitania was sunk, initiating the United States into World War I. His nephew, L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer who eventually founded Scientology and is well known as the author of Dianetics.”

I’m hungry for cheetos and a yoohoo.

I’m hungry too. Let’s get some food.

Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Haagen-Dasz ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s’mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap’n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on ‘em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons.

SM — it means “red rose” in Hebrew, so there ya go. Curiousity killed the cat and then some editors at various local mags. I’m just another yahoo on this site with an opinion that’s not probably not worth a piss in a pot — that’s who I am. Someday we’ll have to meet. You always rile up me up and either we’ll hate each other or we’ll fall madly in love. You toss the dice!

I’ve never been with a jewish chick. I hear great things.

I hear not-so-great things about certain magazine editors.

It’s getting hot in here.

Maybe it’s the heat between Suri and Marsh.

Maybe it’s just the stench of Funyon breath (god i loved those when i was a kid).

Or maybe its all the pot smoke.

Why not all of the above?

Gulp.

You heard about that?

Yeah, magazine editors=zero “stamina.” But we’re open about it.

Hey I was an editor once, and I can go minutes at a time. MINUTES!

maybe it’s just me, but I though Marsh would be better looking.

Katie Jo, I feel the same way. Uggh! What a disappointment.

I just started sweating. On purpose.

Okay. Just took my shirt off. Much better.

Ladies, it’s called “accessible good looks.” Perfect for the blogging community.

SM: Sweating, shirt off, oh my! I can’t really assess your looks based on a little pic from your blog. I’m interested in a dangerous mind anyway.

myspace me

SM: Your MySpace link wasn’t working. I’m actually being serious in what I wrote, but I think you’re scared.

Try again. My bad.

I was on MySpace but removed my profile after all the horndogs of the friggin’ planet sent me pervy notes. Not interested in pen pals at this stage but find the whole concept amusing. Your profile came up just fine this time. I think IUDs are about 20 yrs ago.

Yeah, I hear you. It’s hard out there for a pretty jewish girl.

IUDs are hot right now.

If IUDs are hot, you must be chatting up some really stupid chicks on MySpace who are living in the Dark Ages of birth control. Go get ‘em, Tiger. Maybe you deserve each other?

Wow…judgy. “The dark ages of birth control.” Hilarious. Yeah, I totally thought we’d have flying condoms that operated on fusion by now too.

That IUD turn-down didn’t happen on myspace. That happened in real life. What’s wrong with the IUD, anyway? Enlighten me.

That’s it, I’m moving back to MSP and chasing Suri. (Unless we’ve already dated, in which case: Suri, when are you coming out West to visit?!)

Funny how we went from food to “Our Body, Our Selves”. SM: I’m happy to enlighten you off of MNSpeak, as long as you don’t blog about it.

Rex: No, we never met, never dated. I know this is small town but our circles didn’t collide or if they did, I was oblivious.

Cool. I won’t blog about it. I swear.

Here’s my email: smarsh@mspmag.com.

Wow, all the horndogs on MnSpeak are now sending Suri pervy notes.

Wow…cool, but since I don’t have a profile, not sure where those pervy notes get redirected.

Sorry, Sparber….you meant this site not MySpace. Duh on my part. I welcome well-constructed notes from pervy brainiacs who possess dry wit and charm, with vast music, theatre, and food knowledge. Can all those attributes exist in one man? My bet is “nah”.

I know about two of the three.

Sparber, Aren’t you supposed to be reviewing a show or something tonight? This is better than live theatre, huh?! Well, the plot is rather flimsy and the characters not so very well-developed at times, but I like the energy and the element of surprise, as well as the costumes. Wait…there are no costumes, everyone is sitting nude at their computers cranking out witticisms galore.

I turned in my theater critic hat years ago in favor of naked internet time.

Does writing naked make the creative juices flow better?

Yes.

Or, at least, it makes the generative juices flow.

My blog: bunnyedelmansworld

I walk to work and have time on my hands on the way.

the most disturbing thing about this thread (notice I said most, and not only) is how obviously worked up Marsh and Rex got over this Suri person. (notice I said person & not woman, since we all know she could easily be a 300 pound, 37 year old man from Brooklyn Center, with man boobs).

second most disturbing thing is how often Rex refers to his dating/sexual prowess. How do you have time to blog, and schill for the evil empire, when you’re tappin’ so much ass?

Nah, I’m just like Marsh now: I never get laid.

(KIDDING, Marsh. Chill, baby.)

Noe THAT’S the kind of comment we like to see!

Marsh is getting his run now!

marsh,

saw you on the Number 5 (not the bus, idiots, the TV station).

whose idea was it to pose you in the “mugging chair”? that shot was so stupid. You, slouched in a chair, back to the sun, sunglasses on, saying like 3 words. Yeah, broadcast journalism!!

Rick,
First off: I’m very much a woman. No man boobs, no suburban dwelling.

Secondly: You call what Rex and Steve Marsh wrote as “getting worked up”? Puh-lease! If that’s considered getting worked up, wake me up when it really gets cooking. I must have missed something in there.

I can attest, Suri is very real. We’re Friendsters, after all. What more proof do you need?

She’s cute too, but I live 1200 miles away, so that’s not flirting — that’s informing you playahs to get yr game act on.

amber is awesome amber is awesome amber is awesome amber is awesome