Secrets of the City

Sarah, you made my coffee come out my nose…again.

You’re fogetting the increasing popularity of shaving off your eyebrows and getting fashionable little drawn-on tattooes in their stead.

For women who want to look a little bit more like a cartoon character.

I knew a woman who had eyeliner tatooed onto her eyelids. First of all, having needles that close to my eye is the scariest thing I can think of, and secondly, is it that hard to put on eyeliner? I mean, I can’t imagine what I would do with the extra 15 seconds it would free up.

Despite my hypocritical distaste for augmentative surgery, I’ve never had an opinion one way or the other about cosmetic tattooing. I suppose because I am ornamentally tattooed myself?

Of all the tattoos I’ve seen in my life (probably 100+) there were only a handful (3 or 4) that I thought were genuinely “artistic” or “well done.”

Which brings me to an interesting question, what’s the worst/best tattoo you’ve ever seen? The most memorable was the worst….A Limp Bizkit album art tattoo on the bicep of a trashy (yet pretty) stripper.

I’ve got no particular issues with cosmetic tattooing, though I question the point — like AnneT mentioned, it can’t save that much time. But tattoos, when well-done, can definitely be a beautiful thing. Sadly, there aren’t that many places around here that actually do great work.

The best tattoo I’ve seen is my friend’s, she has “a light when all others go out” in Elvish script around her wrist.

I’d be afraid the needle would slip and I’d end up a Frida Kahlo look alike.

I like Steven Wright’s tattoo idea……of himself but taller

I once worked with a nice suburban girl who was quite proud of her ‘crazy’ tattoos- Poor girl. I asked if I could guess what they were, nailed all three of them, and sent her giggling uncomfortably back to her cubicle: a butterfly, rose and dolphin.

New rule: Don’t page through the masterpieces in your childhood coloring books for tattoo ideas.

myandrea: The best tattoo I’ve seen is my friend’s, she has “a light when all others go out” in Elvish script around her wrist.

You have to be careful to have a real elf translate those phrases, or you’re liable to wind up with some wiseacre tattooing “I AM A BIG PUS HEAD” in Adunaic. And that sucks, of course, because all your Numenorean friends will laugh at you.

Are there any tattoo artists in the city that have your endorsement fellow MNspeak commentors?

Pretty much the entire staff at Electric Dragonland.

I have seen a tattoo of Brittany Spears album art. It was so hard not to bust out in laughter.

I’m almost positive that Revelations calls that out as one of the marks of the Antichrist.

I’ll give a tattoo artist recommendation: Shane Wallin, proprietor of Twilight Tattoo. He did both of mine. Shane is experienced and professional, and he’s got a beautiful shop.

The added bonus is that he’s hot.

The worse tattoo I ever saw was a 7 in bright red velociraptor on a 5′ tall man’s bicep. Hideous.

Oh, and my tattoo is the best I’ve ever seen. I’m in love with it still, 9 years later.

So, Alexis, are there photos of said art?

I can’t find an appropriate photo right this minute, but it’s this symbol. Stenciled, black, 4 inches tall, on my sternum. I’ll show it to anyone who asks, so if you see me out and about just tap on my shoulder.

John, the older sorta skinny deep-voiced guy at Uptown Tattoo is good–I came in with friends, didn’t give him a picture or anything, just told him what we wanted. He drew up a few different ideas, we picked one that was exactly what we’d been thinking of, and we got it done.

That was 5 years ago and I still get compliments.

I don’t have a problem with tattoos.

Actually, let me rephrase that, because I have a problem with the phrase “I don’t have a problem with (…)”. I don’t think I have much of a right to insinuate that I could have a problem with something as innocuous as someone else’s harmless tattoo.

And while I know people will go on about, “oh, it’s so permanent!”, and you just wanna tell them to shut the hell up already, I have to say said permanence would weigh on me a bit. I have a certain amount of continuity in my life, but by the same token I feel like my mind is ever-changing, ever-evolving (for worse or for better – hopefully the latter!), and I have a really hard time imagining any tattoo I might have gotten ten years or even five years ago that would still feel “right” for me today.

But that’s me. And what am I saying? I’ve lived in this apartment for over a decade. I should get a tattoo of my floor lamp.

I understand the “oh it’s so permanent” argument. I think the key to forever loving your tattoo(s) is to get something ornamental, as well as symbolic. Both my tattoos are black and stencil-y, so they’re very ornamental. Most people don’t even notice the band on my forearm because it looks like a fat bracelet.

If I can get snotty for a minute though (it’s the red wine again), I have to say that it really grates on my nerves when someone shows me their tattoo, then says, “and I got it here so I could cover it up easily.”

So they got something permanently printed on their body because it means a great deal to them, but then based the decision on where to put it on how well they can hide it? It makes no sense. I have a Klingon insignia on my sternum and an Ojibwe band on my arm because the placement of these symbols was almost as important as their meanings.

Yeah, that’s right, I have a Star Trek tattoo!

Pookie at Steady Tattoo. I’m required to give him props because we both came from the same rural MN town and I once assisted taught in his mom’s music studio.

For real though, he did an amazing job turning the stupid “I got a turtle on my lower back when I was 17″ tat that my friend had into a unique little random design.

I’ve never gotten one locally, but if I do that’s where I’ll be headed. I got my first two in Buenos Aires – the second one was at the Argentine National Tattoo Convention. If you’re ever south of the equator, give Alex Tattoo a try!

Obviously a tattoo anyplace but dead-center on one’s forehead is a sign of weakness. Are you all afraid of what the man is going to say?

mike s you’re hilarious

Props to the lizard man for sticking it to the man.

Oh and then there’s leopard man. Admit it, if you came across this beast in the jungle, crouching, ready to attack, you’d jump outta your skin.

Leopard man and Jocelyn Wildenstein would be an amazing couple.

My 86 year old Grandma who resides in Fort Meyers has black eyeliner, and orangey lipstick and brows tatooed on her face. I think she got it done in Miami, where you can get a lot of questionable cosmetic stuff done. She still does the blue eyeshadow on her own. I think it looks good on her, kind of like Bowie or something. I would do it too… someday when I am all wrinked in the face and drunk all day on scotch.

Speaking of cosmetic procedures and grandmas…did you see the 82 year old who had a face lift? She looks awesome!

She reminds me of that old Beasties song “Boomin’ Granny”

“…I saw ya at the check out line
You dropped your coupons and you were looking fine…”

She looks too awesome. It’s creepy.

You gotta appreciate how damn happy she looks though…

True.
(But that’s also a bit creepy.)

Sort of a Bea Arthur to Irene Ryan conversion…

> Sarah, you made my coffee
> come out my nose…again.

Carrie, are you saying that the same coffee that came out of your nose this time had already come out of your nose once before, and you drank it again anyway?

Clearing up the coffee controversy, I usually inhale it so the caffeine can go straight to the brain without delay. When it comes to coffee and Carrie, think of that scene in Trainspotting where the guy sticks his head in the toilet after his drugs. That’s me and coffee. So a little snort off the table top is nothing.

Jeremy, is this sort of what Steven Wright had in mind?

I want to get my eyebrows tattooed on, but Im not sure if i’ll look right, and I dont know. I really dont like my eyebrow shape… It really doesnt have a Arch to it.

What’s with the bold?

I have had mine done for about 7 years and still like them, although they need a touch up. No one, NO ONE knows that they’re done until I tell them, but that’s because I have brows, they were just too sparse. Kinda like spray-on hair works for bald spots, which BTW I invented several years before the infomercial.

I don’t care about how real they look i think tatoos are discusting. scenario: in a old persons home there is an 87 year old woman named candy, when candy was 23 she got an arm completely covered in tatoos. She took up smoking and got into drugs. Now it’s a miricle she lived to 87, she would smoke 1 packet of ciggies every day, she stunk, she failed in school for wagging and got pregnant at age 15. Now she sits in her old persons home looking like white-trailer- trash. With a cigerette hanging out her mouth, tatoos here, there, everywhere and a traci in her throat. Imagine that you are Candy, imagine how you will feel when it’s you that looks like human scum, uneducated and a waste of space. If you want a tatoo just think will i still want that permanant mark on my body when i want people to take me seriously? will i still look good with it when my skin is rinkly and stretched, when it’s faded and discoloured. If u read this than hopefully i’ve talked you out of getting a tatoo.

Thanks, Mallory, for popping in at 2:34am on a Sunday and resurrecting a topic from more than a year ago. Sarah wrote the best posts here. Good memories.

where can i get my eyebrows tatooed, anyone has a good recomendation?

In prison.

Mallory…..I thought the casters of Family Ties invented that name…

But I sort of agree. I don’t understand why tatooing is so popular. I met a kid with a battleaxe on his neck, and told him he would be forever unemployed. He wasn’t to amused. But really, what is the big deal? alexis, why a star trek tatoo? What significance does it hold?
And they are damn expensive…

I knew someone with the rebel alliance insignia tattooed on his back.

you always hear people say–oh, it means something, it’s an expression…

I have a permanent Tatu. I keep the mummified body of herve villechaize in my basement.