Secrets of the City

Gift Certificate to the 112 Eatery.
Some kind of locally farmed dead animal.
A case of Schells.
Some of that Alexis Bailey wine.
Donate to a local animal shelter.
Apple Cider, and apples on general
Amish stuff from the amish peoples around here.
Wildrice related items.
Spam, and other hormel products.
Porn.

Peace Coffee is roasted locally and delivered by bicycle in Minneapolis/St. Paul

They make porn here? Prove it!

Caldrea aromatherapy cleaning products
Sundries of Saint Paul bar soaps
Chocolat Celeste truffles
(I’ve already given the First Ave bootleg CD to my husband as an early stocking stuffer)

The bookstore at the History Center is chock full of great local gift ideas, not only books about the state but also a bunch of locally-made goods like soaps, chocolate, etc.

How about local whittled dreidels?

Ok, ok. No one thinks about Chanukkah anymore….
A bottle of Morgan Creek wine (say Black Ice).
A Fairbault Mills wool blanket
Pretty much any book by Dave Kenney about Minnesota
And for my cousin in Detroit: a Maxbat pro wooden baseball bat.

A box of B.T. McElrath chocolates.
If you could ship ice cream: some Sonny’s. Any flavor.

There are plenty of local bands that don’t suck. Of course there are plenty that do suck… it just depends on whether the person you’re giving to is someone you like.

Being a broke, down and out writer, I would think that my homegrown Norweigen charm is a fine enough gift to bring to any holiday party. I’m not spending money on anybody I’m not related to or not having sex with.

WHB: You find yourself often buying gifts for people you don’t like?

I usually give wild rice. (hand harvested and parched yet!)

For the dead animal, why not some venison sausage? (refrigeration is free this time of year)

And yes, MN is a porn capitol.

SB (never gave any of that as a gift though!)

Last year, when I lived in NYNY, I gave my friends a collection of First Ave and TRSC shirts. This year, those people will probably get CDs from local bands, or posters from MN concerts by bands we’d listen to back east.

A membership to MN Film Arts.

There used to be a busy porn production facility on Lake street by 35W but they kicked them all out for that International market or whatever a few years ago.

Besides the obvious gift certificates to my fav. local shops (hymies,Tanpopo) how about some jewelry from local designers:
Ruby and Lola
Heinz Brumel

Or some records from a few local bands.

Or magnetic poetry…okay I probably wouldn’t give that to someone.

A giant lens, or a rubber stopper, or map cabinet from Ax-Man

My mom and aunts did the majority of their shopping this year through Native Harvest. I better get cash. Don’t want no chokecherry jam.

Local company Mara-Mi crafts modern, fresh-looking stationary and sells it through boutiques like Avalon and Paper Rock Scissors- I think Mara-Mi even has a product line available at Target. (I’m a sucker for the useless, silly charm of colorful paper products.)

Locally-produced porn website Dream Boy Bondage is a guy in a car offering to tie up dudes running down Washington Avenue for money. Membership is only $19.95 which makes it a very versatile gift!

Dream Boy Bondage is run by Ken Darling, btw.

Squngees!

I just got 2 to give for gifts today. They’re a big hit with my family. Yes, my family is crazy.

I’m giving my boss a House of Mercy CD. Not sure which one, I’m guessing they’re all good.

I believe I’m buying my coblogger this little fella. Shhh, don’t tell him.

Post It Notes. If you don’t like someone, just give them one and maybe write, “I don’t like you” on it.

Plus, books by local authors: Down and Out: The Life and Death Of Minneapolis’s Skid Row by Joe Hart, Baghdad Express by Joel Turnipseed, or Jesus Sound Explosion by Mark Anderson.

Oh wait. Made locally.

Um, France is kind of local. Read Tom Friedman.

Soaps from White Bear Soap Company
Artistic renderings done by my 7 year old daughter
goodies from any church/school bake sale (I love those things)

Tickets to Walker, Guthrie or Children’s Theatre Company performances
Goat cheese from a farm in Rogers
Something from SooVac

There is also a place called Devoided Studios up in Blaine that does some porn. I can see why. I’ve lived in six states and never seen girls more beautiful than here in Minnesota.

Oh Neat!

A free form poetry contest.

Here’s my entry:

I dreamed I bothered Apnea in some specific way in some specific lair.

So, I withdrew in case you knew in case you care.

PS: It ain’t me who knows how to do this kind of stuff, but I figure that when life gives you Spam, you make Spamade?

Hey! What happened to all the neat poems? Maybe it caused a technical problem for the site, (I don’t know about such stuff), but I thought it would be kind of neat to turn the tables on the spammers by having some fun with thier “prank”.

SB (there really was some masterful phraseology)

It’s a spam attack, which I’m trying to clean up and shove a permanent fix into. If there were actual humans behind the “neat poems,” maybe I’d keep it around, but this is junk that hits the entire blogosphere.

They wouldn’t be half so annoying, and a lot easier to ignore, if they just used a normal size.

SB (gotta admit though, “inheritrix” is a neat word?)