Secrets of the City

….and frog.

Hey, my cat killed a centipede this morning! And then ATE IT. She’s the best.

Hey, my cat took a shower with me. Wet little weirdo.

E², if your cat seems nervous later she probably has butterflies in her stomach.

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week with two shows on Saturday.

(Wait, I misread centipede as caterpillar… my joke makes no sense)

At home this AM, waiting for the estimate from the tree service guy.

I’ll go out on a limb and estimate that its going to cost me an arm and a leg.

I lover jersey/long island stereotypes…those poor bastards good thing people don’t make fun of our accents dontcha know.

kurtis, I thought it was just a quirky, perhaps surreal joke.

jpbob: cut that out!

I’ll go out on a limb and estimate that its going to cost me an arm and a leg.

We had to have a tree service come out earlier this fall. We had some leaves turning black and falling off. Thought it was some kind of disease that was spreading to all of the trees in our yard. So the tree guy comes and says that the trees were planted too deep! Apparently it’s a common problem. The fix was kind of spendy.

Damn, this is going to be the best open thread evar.

Jane, did you hear the one about the blind carpenter, who picked up his hammer and saw?

Actually, I was just working on a little political poetry for the Open Thread:

“When Bachmann raised a stink,
the coffers filled for Tink.
She’ll blame the liberal elite,
when the GOP loses the seat”

I’m going to leaf those tree stories alone.

Not sure how to insert a pic, but I figured this would appeal to MNSpeakers. The Bacon Mat!

At home this AM, waiting for the estimate from the tree service guy.

Bob, my ex does tree work on the side for cash (He works for Anatone Tree Service), if you don’t need stump removal or disease treatment, I’ll bet I could get you a good deal.

Here I sit within spitting distance of St. Paul, and MetroTransit’s options for getting from the West Bank to downtown St. Paul amount to backtracking my way to downtown Minneapolis and catching the 94. Hope you’ve got an hour for that.

You could also take the 16 the whole way, but that would probably take as long. Or you can take the 3, but again, that takes about an hour. Or, if you want until 2:00 you can take the 50 and that only takes about 35 minutes.

But, you could probably speed up the whole trip if you took the campus circulator to the St. Paul campus then took something from there. I’d look into that.

It is probably too late to get for a Halloween costume, but perhaps you could get it for the next MNSpeak get together. I give you this:

More here.

Bacon seams to be popular these days. Any one know a good place to find a costume?

My cat pooped on my arm last night. Liquid poo.

And I was accosted by a crazy man on the street this morning. He claimed he lived in the neighborhood (never seen him before) and had a picture of his 3 year old son. MNspeakers, do you ever feel bad about not helping someone? I was genuinely creeped out by this guy and told him to go away, but then I had a little remorse as I was driving to work. What do you do MNspeakers, when approached? Especially the female MNspeakers?

Yikes, on the cat poo, Norwego.

And I always feel bad about not giving money to pan handlers (unless they are of the rude variety), but I rarely do anymore. I figure giving to the United Way is a more solid way of providing assistance.

But, you could probably speed up the whole trip if you took the campus circulator to the St. Paul campus then took something from there. I’d look into that.

You would actually want the campus connector. A minor, but important difference, as the circulators stay on their respective campuses.

Do not give money to panhandlers.

First, it is better to give to an organization that helps low income/homeless people.

Second, it can be dangerous unless you just have some change in your pocket. If you pull out your wallet, it may be taken.

Third, you don’t know how they are spending the money, so it very well could be going to alcohol or drugs.

Finally, a lot of panhandlers are full time panhandlers. I had a client who admitted to making $400 a week panhandling. At the time I was taking home $700 every two weeks, I wasn’t impressed. When I smoked, I would watch panhandlers at the entrance into downtown at 10th. They were making very good money, being handed dollars constantly, sometimes more.

If you want to give directly, and not to an organization, give food to a food shelf or give toiletries to the shelters or battered women’s shelters.

Well, what’s worse is the guy got angry with me and started yelling at me. He had a car, and he got into his car and tried to pull up next to me. I drove off. He was still yelling at me. So of course then I felt really bad. Damn Midwestern manners. But they say you should always listen to your instincts, and my instincts were telling me ‘danger, danger, get away, he will hurt you’.

Always, for sure, put your personal safety first. That usually means scurrying past panhandlers.

Sometimes I have food handy or a bus pass (SuperSaver) that has a few bucks left on it, and I am happy to give that to panhandlers. They are usually very grateful. However, I only do this if I don’t have to reach into a bag or purse; it has to be right there, accessible, b/c more important than being generous is making sure I stay safe.

I don’t give money to panhandlers. I have some experience with homelessness, and, in my experience, at least 80 percent of panhandlers are substance abusers; when I give money, I want it to help someone, not destroy them.

If a panhandler gets unpleasant with me, I call the cops on him. There is a law again aggressive panhandling. I especially do this in my neighborhood, as it just generally brings down the sense of safety in the neighborhood if there is someone approaching people for money and then getting surly with them when they don’t give.

I can hardly wait to hear what Bob’s tree guy says!! Chop, chop Bob! Hurry up and tell us.

Alternatively,

Can we branch out and make this Open Thread a general pun-themed one? Some of you are really good at it!

Alternatively,

Because if you are counting on me for good puns, you are barking up the wrong tree.

(See? It’s just wrong of me to even try.)

Wow when it comes to panhandlers I have exactly the opposite strategy as most of you. I can understand the safety concerns of females, but I usually give them any loose change/ 2 dollar maximum.

Yes I know its going right to the liquor store but who the hell am I to judge…I am a what you call a panhandler enabler.

I don’t condone some actions…harassing people, standing near atms, hanging around the gas station, lying about situations, etc

ryanl: I know; I don’t care really if they are going to buy booze or whatever. I just don’t like looking down and digging through anything for that change! I’ll give them a few smokes if I have any on me. Sadly, they all love that. One guy once asked me how I knew he smoked…

Well, what’s worse is the guy got angry with me and started yelling at me. He had a car, and he got into his car and tried to pull up next to me. I drove off. He was still yelling at me. So of course then I felt really bad. Damn Midwestern manners. But they say you should always listen to your instincts, and my instincts were telling me ‘danger, danger, get away, he will hurt you’.

OMG, DO NOT feel bad about this! This guy was clearly harrassing you and could have done worse. Next time, call the cops.

Hey, my cat took a shower with me. Wet little weirdo.

Hmm.

I’ll give them a few smokes if I have any on me. Sadly, they all love that. One guy once asked me how I knew he smoked…

I used to get haggled for smokes when I lived in Stevens (live in BF wouldn’t let me smoke inside) and I had about a 50-50 rate of bumming them until one dude wanted to share the cig that I was currently smoking. After that, no more smokes for anyone that asked.

I’m positive that if I was homeless and somebody gave me a few bucks, it would go right to beer.

We bought a case of peanut butter cheaply at Aldi, so I sometimes give the guys a jar of peanut butter. It’s shelf stable, nutritious and portable. They seem really happy about it.

norwego – I don’t get it? Did he want something in particular?

mb21- I don’t know, the whole situation was weird. He was babbling about his 3 year old son, and that he needed some help, that he had already contacted the police but he needed additional help. I cut him off at that point, as I was feeling really creeped out and intimidated, and I told him that I had to leave. At that point he started raising his voice at me, so I jumped in my car and locked the doors. He walked away to his car, but instead of driving off, he reversed through the intersection, pulled up next to me, and continued to yell at me through his car window. I drove off, and I could still hear him yelling “HEY HEY!!!”. I looked in my rear view, and he sped off around the corner.

Norwego, I’ve gotten that line before, you did the right thing.

Holy crap. Yes, you totally did the right thing. Not a great way to start your day…

What do you mean, mb? Being hassled for money is almost as good as caffiene!

/I kid.

Hey, my cat took a shower with me. Wet little weirdo.

I was staying with my friend in Chicago and his cat kept harassing me. At one point the cat pushed open the bathroom door, pulls the shower curtain back and hopped into the shower to attack me.

It turns out that it wanted some water.

Still, that cat is kind of an asshole. It also tried to eat my hair while I was sleeping and then attacked another friend for no reason. At first I thought the cat was racist but my other friend is white, so that cat’s an equal opportunity asshole.

What is the scoop on the tree Bob? We all want to get to the root of the problem.

I feel like giving money to panhandlers, who usually are NOT homeless, encourages them.

Please know that no one goes hungry in Minneapolis/St. Paul. There are multiple places to get free hot meals every day in the city. Also, families always are put up in a shelter if they are homeless, we do not leave children on the street. It isn’t the best situation, but we don’t let kids sleep on the street. AND people with kids are eligible for Food Stamps if they are poor (and if at least the kids are legal residents). It does not have the 5 year rule cash assistance has.

And if people are saying they need money for a bus ticket, that’s bullshit too. The county will give almost anyone a free bus ticket out of state if they have somewhere to stay.

the “I need a couple bucks to stay at the shelter” is true. It costs a little bit for some single adults to stay in some of the shelters.

I considered branching out to other tree services, but that wood not be fair to the guy from Cambridge (Scott) who has done our trees before (and well). It will cost us a little more than a grand to trim five trees, which sounds like money well spent to me.

Downside — After this morning’s post about trimming my oak trees, local GOP chair Ron Carey has called for an investigation of my links to ACORN.

I wood continue reading about trees, but I think I’m board…

Personally, I pine for more of these threads…

Well, Bob, should you feel the need to branch out, as it were, let me know.

I don’t know about other panhandlers, but the guy who is ALWAYS at the corners around 35W/Lake/31st (either on the 2nd side or the Stevens side) is super bad news.

He has repeatedly been caught breaking in to vacant buildings in our neighborhood, and is involved in the local prostitution & drug trade, at least as a watcher.

So please don’t give him anything.

Thanks, aliecat. If someone else in the neighborhood wants another quote (when one neighbor gets their trees trimmed, it usually plants the seed in other’s minds), I’ll send you an email for you ex’s contact info.

Your puns are making me firious. I’ve lumbered through these comments and am left with a knot in my stomach.

$1,000! Wow, that’s a lotta green! Sheesh, good thing money kind of grows on trees (I think it is made of cotton, mostly, but close enough).

Nateek: hee! All good ones!

Your puns are making me firious. I’ve lumbered through these comments and am left with a knot in my stomach.

I’m stumped as to why these puns amuse so many of you but someone should really get to the root of it. Or just trim the puns down a bit.

Last weekend I saw a guy on the off ramp at the crosstown and France.(about 25ish back pack, ball cap, college hoodie) with a sign that said “Absolute Desperation” and it looked like he was crying. That kinda made me sad.

Ce, dar are lots of ways to do these puns. And while I know puns aren’t poplar with all people, I’m sycamore things than bad jokes.

I’m surprised no one has said “douglas fir the win”.

That really needles me.

Hey Bix! Way to spruce this thread up!

Better this thread than that Oak Street thread.

Oh wood you guys knock it off. I’ll burn this thread and all you’ll have left if Ash.

if = is
(damn)

Ugh. Pun threads are perennials, but to me they’re just a silly sort of humor that people larch onto. Some may chortle, some may haw, but I find them deciduous unfunny.

mb – stop being such a pecker.

I wood knot change a thing in this thread. I have greatly enjoyed the general grain of it. I hope it will be as poplar as bacon — knock on wood. (Leaves)

Then why don’t you make like a tree and leave, Sparber!

There is no pleasing some people. All they do is birch birch birch!

I’m a rubber tree you’re glue.

rubbers grow on trees??

(Read this aloud)
That’s knotty, Max!

Alden eye writing such bad puns.

I know that weeping willow-nly make my eyes puffy.

I will admit this is getting ridiculous now. We should nip this in the bud.

I think that I shall never see
A pun as lovely as a tree

Dougie_D – that is sad!

Why in God’s name is another hockey team inviting Palin to drop the puck?
Do we all NOT know what is going to happen?

Whassup!

Do we all NOT know what is going to happen?

Wait, did you capitalize NOT to emphasize your overall point or were you trying to point out that you didn’t use knot?

Oh fir frick’s sake, Kevin, leave it alone. Stop tree-ting my arbor-itrary capitalization for emphasis as something bad. I mean, pull that stick out of your butt! Chop, chop!

Sweet: Envelope from my Dr. office in the mail today. Expected it to be a bill, turned out to be a check.

The West Central Tribune has got the winners of the 2008 Regional Emmy Awards (can’t link from this computer). Some notables: MinnPost, for web design, David Gillette, TPT animator/comentator (he also won last year), Steve Marsh, for online writing. Didn’t notice either Jason or Sheletta in the list, but it may not have been a complete listing.