Secrets of the City

This one’s for Alie, isn’t it?

Why do we have to ask the guys out?

Cut Alie some slack. Being an only child in South Dakota didn’t give her a lot of dating opportunities.

Were her parents only children too? Because that’s not an excuse for not branching further on the tree…

You can pick up men at a BAR? Holy shit! That’s what I’ve been doing wrong!

Also, if you’re already a cynical dater by, what, 21-22, that makes me really sad…or proud. Not sure which.

If you are worried about intellectual differences, put your pretension aside. Just because someone doesn’t go to Mac doesn’t mean they are dumber than you.

I’m trying to formulate a response here, but my public school brain just can’t fit the words and letters together.

The problem never has been, and never will be, where to meet men. They’re everywhere. Try walking down the street. The problem is do you have the guts to talk to them?

I’ve noticed that most Minnesotans (regardless of gender) aren’t exactly eager to talk to strangers.

I’m trying to formulate a response here, but my public school brain just can’t fit the words and letters together.

Just go cross-eyed and say, “Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.” It’s all a cake eater expects from you.

Me want ask Mac seenyer gurl on date but me too stoopid! Me afraid her use big words abowt “ism”! What ism?! Me not know! Me go to stayte colluj! GRRRRR!!!!! ANDYST SMASH!!!!!!!

I have to admit I just don’t get the local frustration over dating.
I’ve always tended to be tongue-tied around new people. I’m not particularly great to look at (just ok, I think). I’m not rich. I’m not muscular. I’m not a particularly snappy dresser.
And yet I’ve never had a dating problem. In fact, last time I was on the dating scene 4 years ago or so (before I met my wife), there were almost too many dating options. (I had to turn down offers…)
I have no idea why–if I can get dates–other attractive locals like Alie and Bixby and Andy are (or at least seem to be) frustrated. It’s a complete mystery.
(Note: I’m being sincere here…)

Cut Alie some slack. Being an only child in South Dakota didn’t give her a lot of dating opportunities.

Very true. Had she had a sibling, her dating opportunities would have been much more plentiful….

??

arthappy, it’s not quantity, it’s quality.

Well now that I know all the public school mouth breathers are on MnSpeak, I feel much more optimistic!

(I really, really, hate unwarranted private school snobbery.)

I can be painfully shy sometimes but that’s just me. I don’t start blaming “the dating scene” because of my own insecurities.

There are a thousand different places in the Twin Cities to meet people. Guys: before complaining about any lack of opportunities (as is the wont, it seems, of many new TC residents), I would suggest going further afield than some hipster night spot … or CL. Also, check the attitude at the door.

Just my two ¥.

Wait, Mac kids think they’re bright? Their school does not even crack the top twenty liberal arts colleges….

Like anyone cares five years after you graduate. All they care is that you graduated.

arthappy, it’s not quantity, it’s quality.

Agreed! Though now that this article has told me that there are men at bars (gasp!) maybe I’ll find a quality guy.

What we really need in this town is a bonafide Matchmaker, and not that stupid “It’s Just Lunch” scam.

Get there and strut, Macalester seniors! You may try to understand The Mac Weekly’s effect on man!

arthappy, it’s not quantity, it’s quality.

bitch, bitch, bitch…

Thanks Andyst, that clip brightened my day.

arthappy, it’s not quantity, it’s quality.

Ah. Can you define this elusive issue of quality?

I thought the dates I had were, generally speaking, of high quality. Lots of fun attractive smart people around town, it seemed to me.

Andy, disco boots would look good on you.

I don’t know if the ladies like novelty footwear. I dated a girl that always looked like she was going to burst into tears whenever I wore my kickass saddle shoes.

But really, I have dated a pantheon’s worth of smart, attractive women, almost all of whom were, strictly speaking, out of my league. Some of these women even attended Macalester College. So no serious gripes, actually.

Yes indeed. Um, there’s a pantheon’s worth of attractive fun smart charming people in town. (What’s a pantheon’s worth, Andyst?)

But speaking of high quality date-fodder, you all should keep in mind this future event from which I derive my very name. Maybe Andy will be there and wearing his kickass saddle shoes.

I thought the dates I had were, generally speaking, of high quality. Lots of fun attractive smart people around town, it seemed to me.

Yes, I have met a lot of quality guys here, it’s just that most of them are taken or married.

I keep telling you, Alie, that’s why you have to get into the freaky three-way scene!

No, they have a holes in the soles now. No good.

Also, a pantheon’s worth is the equivalent of the occupancy three Saepta Julias and six Tabularia. Most of my dates end up with me drunkenly running down Hennepin Avenue shouting “Senatus Populusque Romanus!” and throwing nets over Christians. Hail thee, mighty Caesar!

I keep telling you, Alie, that’s why you have to get into the freaky three-way scene!

Wait, there’s a freaky three-way scene in Minneapolis?

Most of my dates end up with me drunkenly running down Hennepin Avenue shouting “Senatus Populusque Romanus!” and throwing nets over Christians. Hail thee, mighty Caesar!

That would almost be a shockingly normal date for me, considering some of the doozies I’ve been on.

Ach, you must be in the tough 29+ year old demographic. It’s possible that you imagine the dating pool has dried up a bit because all your friends have gotten married.

I used to know a number of people in this demographic who thought, because everyone else around them had someone, they were never going to hook up. Pretty much all of them, however, got married to great people just as they approached or had just passed the second half of their 30s.

A pantheon’s worth is the equivalent of the occupancy three Saepta Julias and six Tabularia. Most of my dates end up with me drunkenly running down Hennepin Avenue shouting “Senatus Populusque Romanus!” and throwing nets over Christians. Hail thee, mighty Caesar!

Um. Is this all because you just learned what a magnificat was?

Wait, there’s a freaky three-way scene in Minneapolis?

Well, it’s not so much a scene as it is a circular bed.

I keep telling you, Alie, that’s why you have to get into the freaky three-way scene!

Wait, there’s a freaky three-way scene in Minneapolis?

yes apparently it goes down on a circular bed and may or may not include a spry fellow dressed oddly similar to one Samantha Ronson.

Jinks.

buy me a coke!

yes apparently it goes down on a circular bed

ORLY?

Well now that I know all the public school mouth breathers are on MnSpeak, I feel much more optimistic!

(I really, really, hate unwarranted private school snobbery.)

I’m sorry so many of my peers have caused you grief.

In other news, the dating pool in Minneapolis does, in fact, suck. Especially for me.

Stay tuned for the next installment of This Week In Obvious where we discuss the plethora of lakes in Minnesota.

while we’re making it possessive:

it also “rubs the lotion on it’s skin”

In all seriousness, the dating pool sucks for me because I work full time, go to school part time, and when I have down time, I have to do homework or go to happy hours and commisserate with my other single gal friend. Plus, I’m lazy and jaded. Which is why this town really needs an old school matchmaker.

I keep telling you, Alie, that’s why you have to get into the freaky three-way scene!

It’s true. My dating life has exploded (quite literally) since being introduced to Max’s circle bed.

Just don’t tell my husband.

Just don’t tell my husband.

Whoops. Maybe I should take those pictures off my blog.

Don’t worry, mb, I won’t say a word to him later tonight.

My lips are sealed.

Wow, it sounds like the author of that article has been following me around and is trying to introduce all the ladies at mac to me.

Well sorry, I’m taken. (meet me around back?)

oh ps, I went to private school too, so never you mind all these public school mouthbreathers.

[Y]ou must be in the tough 29+ year old demographic. It’s possible that you imagine the dating pool has dried up a bit because all your friends have gotten married.

Heck, that’s nothing. Just wait until you reach the 40+ year-old demo and all of your friends have gotten divorced. It’s the land of walking wounded, I tell you!

And by the way this is the worst radio I’ve ever heard.

Or the land of rebound opportunities, as the case may be…

Heck, that’s nothing. Just wait until you reach the 40+ year-old demo and all of your friends have gotten divorced. It’s the land of walking wounded, I tell you!

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

/I kid.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

I know you kid, aliecat, but it is much more difficult the older you get … especially if either (or both) people are divorced. I won’t get into all the permutations but e.g. a single/divorced 40+ woman is not usually looking for a hook-up or FWB (and we all know a 40-year old man is just a 20-year-old 20-years older with slower moving parts) and there will often be the air of suspect infidelity within a relationship even if no infidelity was involved in a divorce. (”Am I the only man/woman you’re seeing?” Uh, yes? No?) It’s even worse when there are children involved.

Polyamory is an option for some people but even those I know doing that aren’t always happy, either.

I won’t get into all the permutations but e.g. a single/divorced 40+ woman is not usually looking for a hook-up or FWB (and we all know a 40-year old man is just a 20-year-old 20-years older with slower moving parts) and there will often be the air of suspect infidelity within a relationship even if no infidelity was involved in a divorce. (”Am I the only man/woman you’re seeing?” Uh, yes? No?)

Grim. But just so you know, this is not everyone’s reality post-40.