Secrets of the City

Huh? How are they defining single? Not married? Or is it something else? Could it be due to our large number of GLBT folks and people who chose not to get married but live in sin? blah. stupid.

Oh my stars, I am going to die alone.

Wait, what’s the gender and sexual orientation breakdown?

No way, Bixby. We’ll all be hovering over you as your cat whispers in your ear and sucks your brains out.

It’s census data so it doesn’t take anything else into account.

Single is good. Crap lists are bad.

I represent these statistics.

You’re sick, Cat. Sick, sick, sick.

This makes me think of this map with male singles vs. female singles broken down. It doesn’t show a lot for MN, but it gives me good reason to move to SF or Seattle.

Should we be going on more dates if there’s more single people? I’m confused.

This list blows.

I live in sin, but am theoretically “single”.

RTFA, esquared – SanFran is lower on the list than we are! We can also take pride in knowing that Portland didn’t even make the list. Take that, Portlandianites!

Money Magazine again? People must buy this crap, because all they publish is lists.

Sorry ’bout the size.

See you all later, I’m heading down to the big red dot known as Rochester!

Interesting how that breaks on pretty much an east-west line.

I’m going to Portland!

I guess I’m moving back to Sioux Falls. Damn it.

Look at all those poor, lonely Baltimore and Philly ladies, spending endless nights alone watching public television and yearning for the soft, beardly touch of a sensitive-yet-strangely-macho 1970s-style art liberal who knows how to wear a cheap suit and will read aloud passages from the works of Dave Hickey by candlelight…

Whoa, I gota Greyhound to the eastern seboard to catch! I’m coming, baby!

I call dibs on Seattle!

I just noticed the big blue dot near Austin…yet another reason for me to move down there!

You can have Austin, Alie – I’m going to Dallas (I’ll vacation in Portland).

Hey, Max, what’re New Orleans ladeez like? They got a plurality there, too. Are they into settling for less? Less like…me?

What’s the tiny dot in MT?… because I’m headed there to find me a filthy rich, million-acre owning widowess. Don’t agree with the odds?… well I’m a good listener when I have to be.

We, single people of Minneapolis, need to organize some sort of road trip wherein we branch out across the nation in an attempt to meet people in the blue or red dots of our preference.

Alie: Noooooo. You can never. ever. go back to Suck Falls. Austin is cool.

Andyst: You had me at cheap suit!

I’ll take Missoula, MT. Two words: Smoke Jumpers!

Or, you know, we could just date each other.

Or, you know, we could just date each other.

If that were the answer, we wouldn’t be 11th on the list for most single people.

Tch. Such desperation among local singles…

Here’s a hint: Desperation is the absolute least sexy thing in the world (no matter the gender or orientation).

Sexiest thing in the world? That’s easy. Anything that has to do with Brazil.

Or, you know, we could just date each other.

Someone(s) has to facilitate my dream of watching a relationship develop and subsequently be destroyed in a MNSpeak thread (s)!

arthappy – you’re doing the smugness thing again. Not sexy.

Yeah, dude, you’re throwing me way off my game.

According to that map, I think all you ladies need to move to Honolulu immediately.

I’m smart therefore I’m single.

actually, I meant to say I THINK therefore I’m single. (But clearly I don’t)

I really like Honolulu… as a place to visit, but to live? Too trapped feeling.

The sibs love it there though, go figure.

I’m guessing Honolulu is almost all Navy men.

Sorry. I’ll go back to listening to my samba music…

all those single urban hipster ladies on the east coast are bad news, andy. believe me when I say the desperation makes them more than a little cooky on average. I’d also worry about disease ):

oh and it makes all the skinny girl-jeans-wearing retail-for-life-working probably-alcoholic-if-not-other-substance-abusing young men into some of the biggest assholes you’ve ever seen.

but uh, I’m quite happy to not be single. at least not in the real sense. fuck that antiquated ‘marriage’ thing.

Ooh, cheap suits and desperation. Imagine the possibilities!

My big take-aways from “Today’s Talk” is that more Minnesota men should volunteer to date Minnesota women because we seem to be really good at volunteering and really bad at getting women dates.

*takeaway

Whoa, I gota Greyhound to the eastern seboard to catch! I’m coming, baby!

Stay away from Greyhound.

I’m not going to “volunteer” to date anybody. Nor will I do it on a paid basis.

Those people from Winnipeg aren’t quite right in the head.

wayne, if they have one.

That was probably in poor taste.

tee-hee

Kwatt, it’s people like you who are going to make us fall to #2 in volunteering. Why don’t you just move to Genoa City! Hmph!

I’m guessing Honolulu is almost all Navy men.

If by ‘Navy’, you mean ‘Asian’, than you would be correct.

Here’s a hint: Desperation is the absolute least sexy thing in the world (no matter the gender or orientation).

I disagree, stalking is pretty unsexy.

I’m not going to “volunteer” to date anybody. Nor will I do it on a paid basis.

So you’re open to trickery and strong-arm tactics?

Honolulu is actually a cool mix of people.

Ooooh, desperately cheap suited dude on a greyhound? Hawt!

Am I imagining things or does the Mississippi River somewhat split things? Also, Florida should get that checked out…

And if by “Asian” you mean “Polynesian” you are correct.
They are very particular about the distinction.

Thanks for the report, asian poster Trisha Taki–er, Cat.

and yeah, if there’s one thing I learned growing up in california it’s that asian and pacific islanders have some kind of internal system where some of them are better than others and they’re very offended if you mix them up for one another. I got pretty good at differentiating people from that part of the world, though.

Oh Cat, I was referring to the majority of the population–>Japanese Americans.

I was not mixing the two groups.

data

I disagree, stalking is pretty unsexy.

Yes, I can see your point. I am suitably chastised (*bummed actually) for teasing the desperate singles in the audience.

Still, and believe me when I say I hate myself for this, but LOST star Yunjin Kim might disagree with you about stalking.

Ooooh, desperately cheap suited dude on a greyhound? Hawt!

Also: I would be carrying a bouquet of roses and sweating profusely.

So, you know, factor that in, too.

Kwatt, it’s people like you who are going to make us fall to #2 in volunteering. Why don’t you just move to Genoa City! Hmph!

And compete with Adam Newman? With apologies to Treasure Island, my odds are better here.

So you’re open to trickery and strong-arm tactics?

I’m a Republican, trickeration and strong-arm tactics are all I know.

Let me just follow up by quoting Kim’s advice to the desperately single men out there:

She tells America’s Maxim magazine, “If you’re in love with a woman, set aside 100 days to pursue her.
“Call her at nine every night. Even though in the beginning she may be like, ‘I don’t want to talk to you,’ she’s going to be looking at the phone at nine to see it you’re calling.”

That’s gotta give a lotta guys hope, I’m thinking…

And I’m now officially scared of arthappy.

And compete with Adam Newman? With apologies to Treasure Island, my odds are better here.

Good point. But then there’s always Amber Moore. She seems up for anything with anyone.

“Call her at nine every night. Even though in the beginning she may be like, ‘I don’t want to talk to you,’ she’s going to be looking at the phone at nine to see it you’re calling.”

I strongly disagree with this. A recent dude tried this with me and I kicked him to the curb. STOP SMOTHERING ME!!!!

Hey! I didn’t say that stuff.
I’m just trying to provide a public service by pointing out the crazy stuff. (It’s what I do.)

Ooooh, desperately cheap suited dude on a greyhound? Hawt!
Also: I would be carrying a bouquet of roses and sweating profusely.
So, you know, factor that in, too.

Change “bouquet of roses” to “CD mix of bad 70’s songs” and you’d have females falling at your feet.

Ok, maybe not falling, but definitely pointing and laughing.

I agree with Alie about the calling ever night: “Dude, get off my leg.”

There is a book review in today’s NYT for a book called In His Sights.

His friends called her to tell her where Paul had seen her the day before and that he was angry she had left. Her phone started going dead. Her 20-year account history with the phone company was deleted. Just before Ms. Brennan arrived to visit a brother at a summer house in Maine, Paul called the brothers unlisted number. A few days later, she was out hiking when a stranger approached and said: Ive been watching you. Youre alone now, arent you.

Pretty scary stuff. The woman that wrote it is from a middle sized midwestern city.

A recent dude tried this with me and I kicked him to the curb. STOP SMOTHERING ME!!!!

It seems pretty obvious to me that that wouldn’t be the best dating strategy. I don’t know what Kim was on about really.

Sorry to hear your story Alie. Are there a lot of creepy men about in MN? I’ve always wondered why there seemed to be so many eligible women in my circle of friends, but few eligible men to hook them up with…

Why don’t all the MnSpeakers that don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, get together and drink? Sounds like a recipe for love to me.

I use that as a recipe for freaky three-ways.

There are lots of worse things than being single! (Being married is one…) What?

arthappy, he was harmless, just more excited about me than I was about him. This Kim guy should come with a warning label for single guys.

WARNING: The following words are full of extreme idiocy and should be disregarded pending an honest talk with women you actually know and respect.

Why don’t all the MnSpeakers that don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, get together and drink? Sounds like a recipe for love to me.

OMG, or it could cause the anhiliation of MNSpeak altogether…too incestuous.

@Alie: Yunjin Kim is a woman. That’s why I thought her take on stalking was so weird.

And compete with Adam Newman? With apologies to Treasure Island, my odds are better here.

You dick. Now that jingle is stuck in my head.

Oh, wierd cuz that totally sounds like what you would hear from men giving seminars on how to become a babe magnet. (that site is blocked by my work)

Why don’t all the MnSpeakers that don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, get together and drink?

I’m hoping in a year or so Livelinks or LavaLife are an option for me.

Some of us are married to other MnSpeakers.

I woke up this morning to cjc laughing and saying that I had to go check out what Berfus wrote. In fact, most of our conversations involve MnSpeak. That’s really sad. Maybe it is a bad idea to date/marry a MnSpeaker…

Maybe it is a bad idea to date/marry a MnSpeaker…

But meaningless sex would still be ok, amiright?

Why don’t all the MnSpeakers that don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, get together and drink? Sounds like a recipe for love to me.

Because we don’t want to lose our #11 ranking of having the most single people.

Here here!!!

That “here here!” was for alie not kevin.

Being #11 is like being #1 twice!

Aye!

Alie, grrrr.

I’ve always said Minneapolis is just a colder Hoboken.

Please let me know where this happy hour takes place. I would like to sit in the corner and watch. Much like my behavior at Max’s freaky three-ways.

I’m only going if Raindog shows up.

Now I’m getting scared…

Change “bouquet of roses” to “CD mix of bad 70’s songs” and you’d have females falling at your feet.

In all fairness, it would be a cassette tape, not a CD. And it wouldn’t be “bad” 70s songs. It would be good ’70s songs, like:

- “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods
- “Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky)”/”Fly Robin Fly” medley by the Bill Conti Orchestra/Silver Convention
- “Before the Next Teardop Falls,” by Freddy Fender
- a great many songs by the immortal Lobo.

Actually, the whole b-side is just Lobo.

Also, I made the art for the tape myself. It looks like this.

And you know that’s good because I’m, like, an art critic. It’s my job to know what looks good.

Well, part-time job.

Now, ladeez, please get in line.

Please let me know where this happy hour takes place. I would like to sit in the corner and watch.

I actually know someone that owns and runs a swinger’s ranch…just thought you all should be aware of that.

/not that I’ve ever been…

How could anyone resist a whole lot of Lobo???

And you know that’s good because I’m, like, an art critic. It’s my job to know what looks good.

Now, ladeez, please get in line.

See, now that’s what I think you should hang your hat on, Andyst. The art critic always get the girl. Or at least it happened once for me. I think, if I remember correctly.

I think this stat is funny, it seems like the mid-west is a breeding ground for people getting married right after college because it’s just the thing you do.

All my friends who married right out of college are divorced now, so they would fit in the single category.

@mnblmkr- speaking of singleness, my hottie neighbor agreed to a blind date with you, if you are game.

KC, do you have a hottie squatting in the vacant house next door?

@mnblmkr- speaking of singleness, my hottie neighbor agreed to a blind date with you, if you are game.

If they have a kid he’ll be really good at pinball.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

No, but we did have a drunk squatting there for awhile. He showed up at our wedding receptions asking people for beer.

Why don’t all the MnSpeakers that don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, get together and drink? Sounds like a recipe for love to me.

Sounds more like a recipe for an orgy to me…