Secrets of the City

I know that guy at Nina’s. He owns a bookstore under the store.

Mafia Dave, a guy who used to frequent gas stations and fast-food joints throughout northwest Iowa. It was amazing. You’d be 40 miles from home and BOOM there’d be Mafia Dave sitting with the old coffee drinkers at the town Pronto. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s at SA the next time I fill up.

When we first moved to the cities I worked for a few weeks @ a coffee shop on Grand Ave in St. Paul, and the resident weirdo was Norm Coleman. Nowadays it seems the resident weirdos @ most coffee shops I visit are actually the staff.

Kevin…I don’t know how to break this to you, but Mafia Dave was probably selling dope.

I’ve seen that guy at Nina’s before. He is always out there smoking and talking to himself. Even in the winter.

Grote, I also used to see Norm Coleman at coffee shops too. Weird.

I’ve never noticed a weirdo at the shop I visit, and I’m there 14 hours a day, at “my” table…the mannequins I bring with me everywhere flanking me with military precision, looking so elegant even without heads…I scan for weirdos as I scream at the staff to either bring me more espresso or to SHUT THOSE CAMERAS OFF, WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS WATCHING ME…but maybe the weirdo comes and goes during the frequent moments I beat my own forehead with my shoe for several minutes just to make the voices stop, for Christ’s sake why can’t they STOP…

So again, that’s a “no.”

My buddy Dave the Hippie is the resident weirdo at the Dunn’s on Grand. He wears the badge proudly.

Is this one of those, “If you don’t think your coffee shop has a weirdo — guess what?” type of things?

It’s almost a Jeff Foxworthy deal…if your photo is on a flyer on the coffee shop bulletin board…you might be the resident weirdo.

Until you show me proof that he was NOT eluding the mafia in a quest to save his own life, I have no reason to believe otherwise.

So this reminded me:

This last summer I spent a lot of time @ Spyhouse. There was this group of middle age, loud and obnoxious white-trashy dudes who came in. They constantly shouted at each other and it drove everyone (mostly artsy hipster types) freaking insane. They’d all play checkers, and invite some quiet dude to play with them. They’d all joke around with him, shouting at the top of their lungs. It was truly god-awful.

But then later on that summer I volunteered for some homeless thing and saw the quiet dude there.

So yeah, now I love those Spyhouse weirdos.

Are we sure he’s not a hit man for the mafia, going from town to town offing people in the witness protection program?

omg, Max. OMG.

If I were trying to hide from the Mob, I’d pick Iowa. Not a single authentic Italian restaurant anywhere.

PS: Have you ever notice how conservatives absolutely love gangster firms? I’m just saying…

I don’t know most of these people by name and it has been awhile since I have “hung out” in coffee shops, but here are a few of the crazies Ive encountered from my coffee shop experiences.

The fantasy artist: really old white guy with bumps on his face, bushy eyebrows, and an uncanny ability to fall asleep anywhere he resides. He has been seen at every coffee shop I know and works on his watercolors of fairies and such. If he comes up to you, he is usually looking to sell his work. That guy hit me up ten years ago and he is still at it.

The Angry Arab: At the Dunn Bros across from BLB. He usually takes up a soft chair and reads the Koran with loud and obnoxious commentary. Well that is until he falls asleep and starts to snore.

Crazy Mary: hangs around uptown area. looks like a guy, nasty scabby legs, considers herself an artist. Powerful crazy.

Peacock feather fro guy. Complete crazy asshole. He has been hanging out at the Purple Onion since the dawn of time.

All the Halfway House people: at the Spyhouse. How fricking annoying–sitting by the window talking loudly about their recovery. Like if you talk about it loud enough people will be convinced.

DougF- I used to live next to that halfway house…nice to see they’re actually venturing out from off their porch…

Now I miss the Spyhouse…thanks alot…

only hipsters would have this thread/conversation….honestly

Not too sure about what’s so great about hanging out in a coffeeshop.
My living room is much more pleasant.

The Fantasy Artist tried to sell me a drawing in Mortimers a few years ago. It was Adam and Eve in the garden with a dragon. I only had money for beer at that time, or I might have purchased it.

Back some years ago I “hung out” at the Hard Times when it was called Cafe Global and Cafe Expatriate.

TONS of high, crazy, strung out characters infested the place. Maybe they still do. Memorably:

The guy with snails tattooed on his kneecaps who had cerebral palsy (I am not making that up). The tattoos were identical and complete with a little ribbon banner underneath that said “SNAILS.”

Then there was Elmar Romain, the ska musician on his crazy bike.

And loads of others I (thankfully) can’t remember.

When I was an undergrad I went to the Espresso Royale in Dinkytown a lot, until I started getting harassed by the always-loudly-arguing Muslim dudes there.
Glad my time in coffeeshops is over.

At Acadia there are two of them, one an aging biker guy (with no bike) and a freaked out looking short little fat dude who talks with a SCREEEEEEECHING voice. He scares me.

What about Scott Seekins? Not that he is really a weirdo, but how is it that he is EVERYWHERE???

i used to work at a coffee shop in st. paul. this young dude would come in every night and not say anything to me. then one day he started to bring me the strangest produce. i used to call him “my produce boyfriend”. blood oranges .. strange tiny bananas .. weird peppers.. anything.
so he asked me out once after weeks of passing me illegible and strange little notes on ripped out pages from paper back books… and the decided i wasn’t for him because i smoked .. all the while he was getting high off of a piece of bark and telling me how he was going to go back to school to become a nurse.
he was a chode

sigh .. i miss that job

Bob Davis on KSTP radio is a huge mobster movie fan. I’ve seen every episode of The Sopranos, read several books about the mob, and never pass up a mobster movie or documentary when I see one. That’s an interesting idea you throw out there, bob. I wonder if anyone ever tracked conservative election success with the popularity of mob movies/tv shows in pop culture. Wouldn’t that be the ultimate FU to Hollywood!

I thought ‘chode’ was spelled ‘choad.’ Damn Max, when are you going to install that polling feature?

What about the bar version? I miss Hardcore Dave.

What about the bar version? I miss Hardcore Dave

I Miss him too. I used to see him all the time when I was more connected to the music scene. It is strange that you bring him up, I was just thinking about him the other day. Is he still around?

I also haven’t seen him much since I haven’t been in a band in 5 years. Though, back in the day H.C Dave was always at First Ave and The Red Sea for shows. I’ve randomly ran into him a few times over the last few years, and yes, he wanted me to buy him a beer.

What made you think of him?

What made you think of him?

I drove buy the Red Sea.

I haven’t been in a band in 5 years

What band?

Many of my friends loved playing The Red Sea. Remember Ex Animo or The Sea?
What band?
So many bands, so many years, but The Red Sea was my hangout not venue. I was more a Turf Club, Ryans,7th Street Entry, or Coffee Shop gigger. Which suddenly makes this thread make sense.

Riverview Cafe:

“Let-me-tell-you-about-me” Dave

“That’s an interesting idea you throw out there, bob”

You know what the original group of conservative bloggers in this area call themselves? The Minnesota Organization of Bloggers — the MOB.

I rest my case.

If I were trying to hide from the Mob, I’d pick Iowa. Not a single authentic Italian restaurant anywhere.

I don’t necessarily disbelieve you, as I didn’t really get to the restaurants there, but southside Des Moines has a pretty significant Italian population. (Or at least it was that way when I lived there, about ten years ago.)

Um, or are you simply being funny? I should probably delete this…

Iowa is the worst place for hiding from the mob. No matter where you live, everyone knows everyone. That’s not good if you’re trying to hide from bad guys.

It’s funny you mention it though, because many years ago a couple moved into town and we swear they are WPP.

So many bands, so many years, but The Red Sea was my hangout not venue. I was more a Turf Club, Ryans,7th Street Entry, or Coffee Shop gigger. Which suddenly makes this thread make sense

The good old days. Thanks for bringing it up, it was fun to think about it again. Did you ever play the What’s Up in Kato.

I’m a resident weirdo at the Dunn Bros on 3rd & 2nd (Freight House).

Well, weirdo is a bit of a stretch, I like to think I’m fairly normal. I’ve just learned that if you’re a nice enough person and leave good tips that the baristas will give you free coffee. It makes me feel special.

Did you ever play the What’s Up in Kato.
Nope, but my buddies in Dogshine and Style Monkeez did frequently.

p.s. Man, I love name dropping bands that broke up 10 years ago.

Holy shit I knew the Style Monkeez guys!

Scary, spooky, tiny world we have here.

Bx, freaky indeed. There’s a good chance we have known each other at some point. Did you know them through music or Davannis?

There’s a running joke/truth between my friends and me. I haven’t lived in Uptown in 10 years and most everytime I’m back for something or other I run into someone I know. It’s like in some ways time stands still in that place.

I knew them mostly through just the old uptown punk scene.

I’m talking about the era of hanging out in front of “Stars” and drinking under the bridges, shit like that.

And I’m 33 now.

Yeah, we’ve prolly crossed paths!