Secrets of the City

Also: Rex is obsessed with Scott Baio.

This week’s episode really made it climb onto the shark and start humping the shark –if that’s what it means to be demonstrating the opposite of “jumping the shark.” Really quality reality programming here.

Apparently Scott Baio is “45 and single.” And has a small penis.

This bridge might be the stupidest *ahem* public works project *ahem* that I’ve ever seen. We won’t have to use the crosswalk any more, but we have to cross the street still and let’s put in a traffic light so that cars always have to stop even when there are no bikers. Brilliant!

I’m wondering why Fake Par has tagged his awesome^6 screenplay as, among other things, “hot gay massage”? Maybe it’s a clue as to the mysterious secret that lies on the computer of the murdered journalist – some sort of a Jeff Gannon thing going on there.

I guess that would mean that the newspaper would need a Washington DC bureau though, and that’s a lot to ask these days.

Well there are other reasons for the traffic light, like cars that are turning left, kwatt, so it’s not all about the bikers there. I’m psychhed about teh bridge because I hate having to wait the ten minutes for the light.

Deets is right about people not paying any attention to bikers at that crossing, and also right about how treacherous it can be in St. Louis Park. I biked past a guy who was being treated by an ambulance a few months ago. Blood all over the road.

On a semi-related note, I saw an old man die while biking near Lake Hiawatha the other day. heart attack. Bunch of bikers had stopped to help him after he ran into a streetlight, but it was too late. Really weird to see happen, and I wasn’t in a biking mood after that.

I saw an old man die while biking near Lake Hiawatha the other day. heart attack.

That’ll learn him. God gave us geezers bad knees as a warning not to do any strenuous exercise or it’ll kill us.

Oops, he was driving, not biking. I was biking. I apparently shouldn’t post until I’ve had coffee.

I also spent the last two days at farmfest, so my brain’s a bit addled. So good to be back in civilization.

His car had hit a streetlight and was blocking the trail. Went from pissed off to feeling guilty about being pissed off really quickly.

From Fake Par Ridder: “The bridge collapsing also affected traffic downtown by our building. Anyway, it’s been busy.”

ROFL.

Rock of Love is my summer guilty pleasure.

How can you not love a reality show that has a phone sex challenge in episode two?

What is ROFL? My knowledge of “hip” acronyms ends at LOL.

How was FarmFest, PwrGeek?

We usually go, but with the ACE conference in St. Paul and the State Fair looming, we stayed put.

Unless I’m mistaken about where they want to put a traffic light, I don’t understand how there could be a whole lot of turning traffic along that section of 28th. Even if there is, the number of bikers certainly does not justify a permanent and full-time disruption to car traffic. It would be one of those lights you stop at at 7 p.m. in the dead of winter going, “WTF is there a stoplight here for?” Indeed, the assininity of building the bridge across the street notwithstanding.

In four summers I’ve never had a problem crossing any street on the midtown trail. I stop, wait for car traffic to clear as I’m required to do, then I pedal across, even if it means having to sit there for a minute or two. What’s a short delay compared to keeping my beautiful skull intact? By following these common-sense principles, I find my likelihood of getting nailed by a crazed motorist to be near zero. I understand how that might be a little too far on the rational side for some, but I also understand that me on a bike will come out the loser in any fight with an automobile. That’s what keeps me so grounded.

Warning: Totally Unrelated

Saw this today and thought of Maz

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/09/us/09brfs-MANISKILLEDA_BRF.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

I love this Scott Baio show for several reason, most of which is that it acts as a stick by which to distance myself from the truly lecherous. The dude is just so…. soulless.

Also, the Brett Michael show is pretty funny too, but for different reasons. Here, it’s a whole show full of lechery. Usually, the way you handle watching these shows is that you can “see” the “characters” through the eyes of one of the “good” people (either a character or the host). In this case, everyone is so bad that you’re left in the pit of despair.

I just don’t understand why people don’t love reality tv like me.

BTW, I’m guest-editing the meme-tracking site Buzzfeed today. Send me your ideas for hot cultural trends (the more outlandish, the better).

Rex, someone else must love it too or they wouldn’t keep programming the crap. And Charles in Charge is such an asshole! Who knew! He’s an idiot too if he really doesn’t know why he’s still single. But I do love that Brett Michaels show. Those women are so cartoonish. It’s like watching high school.

Rex, I love reality TV like you do. Rock of Love is a triumph in casting. Seriously. I want to find those casting producers and shake their hands. Where do you find that many busted eighties rock chicks?

Even with all the lechery and disgustingness, Bret Michaels seems like a good guy underneath the bandanas and beer breath.

Where do you find that many busted eighties rock chicks?

New Jersey?

No need to go all the way to New Jersey…pretty sure you’d find a critical mass of them @ THE ROCK in Maplewood.

Where do you find that many busted eighties rock chicks?

Brainerd?

Yeah, that’s the other funny thing about Rock of Love: none of the chicks are fuckable. Seriously, they’re just not hot.

The tatted up chick would be hot, except for her wierd haircut…it looks like a wig…

I like how the stripper’s hair gets bigger and bigger every week at eliminations. It’s going to defy gravity by the end of the show.

ROFL = “Rolling On the Floor Laughing”

Typically, it is often followed by MAO, who was the General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party in the early-to-mid 20th Century.

Not to be confused with MOA, which is the abbreviation for Hugedale.

This sudden outburst of humor from MNspeakers is troubling to say the least. First wayne crackin’ funny jokes, now maz be making hilarity. If cats start befriending dogs, I’m outta here.

I keep a little red book of “The Quotations from Charmain My Ass Off Tseung” on the nightstand.

Don’t worry Kevin, the apocalypse won’t arrive until we see you at a MNSpeak get together.

I don’t think MAO would enjoy MOA.

Charmin’ My Ass Off? Ah yes, the silver-tongued womanizing Comrade Lothario of the CCP.

I don’t think you give the honored chairman enough credit. I hear he’s a big fan. Panda Express for the proletariat!

Advance Forward Towards Libby Lu’s With Progressive Resoluteness! Many Comrades Shall Fall To The Forces of Capitalo-Syndicalist Cooties! They Shall Be Remembered As Proletarian Heroes!

Insert joke about The Long March here.

Don’t worry Kevin, the apocalypse won’t arrive until we see you at a MNSpeak get together.

Thanks, rich. I really needed the burden of apocalypse on my shoulders.

The crossing at 28th is preferable to the pair of bumpy at-grade crossings with stray traffic that (necessarily) injects itself into the middle of the existing crosswalks. Sightlines to the east of Hiawatha, especially to the south, really are terrible. If E 28th was in any decent shape, I’d prefer it to the Greenway from Minnehaha onward.

How was FarmFest, PwrGeek?

Really hot, and really crowded. I heard one of the organizers say it was the largest opening day crowd ever. Our booth was so busy (and I was working alone) that I didn’t take lunch Tuesday or Wednesday. Two people are working it today and one of them called me sounding all proud that they had people at the booth pretty much non-stop. I was like, yeah, I dealt with that on my own for two full days. Congratulations, dude.

Kevin, I thought you were talking about the stoplight at Hiawatha. See previous post about needing more coffee.

The crossing that the deets is talking about, I could see a light that you have to push the button for. People drive so fast along that street (four lane street) that it is a really bad bike vs. car waiting to happen.

“I heard one of the organizers say it was the largest opening day crowd ever.“

That was crass. You don’t tell the people who are paying your fee that they’re fat.

What is ROFL? My knowledge of “hip” acronyms ends at LOL.

There is a place to find the definitions for “hip” acronyms.

goto: http://www.urbandictionary.com

“This sudden outburst of humor from MNspeakers is troubling to say the least. First wayne crackin’ funny jokes, now maz be making hilarity. If cats start befriending dogs, I’m outta here.”

Yeah, that maz is just hilarious:

PwrGeek:
I saw an old man die while biking near Lake Hiawatha the other day. heart attack.

maz: That’ll learn him. God gave us geezers bad knees as a warning not to do any strenuous exercise or it’ll kill us.

…and while you’re there, I’m telling you, have a hilarious time looking up the “defintions” for such beloved locales as Edina, Minnetonka, Minneapolis, and Saint Paul.