Secrets of the City

Ummmm.

Seriously?

Nice lunchtime post Max.

This is not what the word “professional” generally brings to mind.

A real professional would at least fill the bathtub with ice.

maybe its the crew from Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern.

I think the pain of having the testicles removed might be a bit worse than the pain of keeping them around.

*choking on giggles*

Clearly the dude isn’t married…if he had been, his balls would have been removed years prior.

Another case of Reiki Massage gone tragically awry.

It’s sensationalistic stories like this that make it harder every year for the independent testicle-remover to make a living.

Between s4xton and grote, water is coming out of my nose.

Bobby_b: “It’s sensationalistic stories like this that make it harder every year for the independent testicle-remover to make a living.”

Yes. They should give that reporter the sack.

I’ve become quite proficient at mouse ball removal on my pc, but performing same on an adult male human is beyond my particular skill set.

So reminds me of the movie – Hard Candy.

desperate times …

Was this actual, non-file photo of the procedure really necessary?

How does one find a team of independent testicle-removing professionals? Is that in the yellow pages?

Yeah, the amateur surgeons were probably wearing Marigold rubber gloves. And instead of those bottles in the background, there was a mallet.

Josie: Guy-in-a-bar services, I expect. Although I wouldn’t rule out Craiglist.

In fact, I bet if someone were to watch “free stuff” carefully, there might be an ad for some slightly used Rocky Mountain Oysters in the next couple of days.

And replace the scalpel in the photo with pinking shears.

Couldn’t you just put a really tight rubber band around the boys and wait for them to fall off? That’s what they do to sheep.

Thanks for the tip, josie! We’ll try that for our next job…

“Thanks for the tip”

heh

…And an aghast silence drew over the menfolk at Mnspeak.

I have no jokes for this thread, you guys took them all…especially grote…bastard.

I don’t even have testicles and this thread is making them ache!

Ouch!!

Those are sympathy nuts, Bubbles…

I have to say I will keep my girlie parts – harder to remove, nicely compact, and much more protection provided!

“What’s the deal with that steering wheel in your crotch, pirate dude?”

“Arrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

What the left nut said to the right nut?

Eh, the guy in da middle, he tink he big ah!

(I couldn’t resist!)

Why do I imagine the team of nihilists from The Big Lebowski?

“I could get you a gonad.”

Has anyone considered the possibility that he was married, and just was tired of the cold ache of having his balls busted?

“Arrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

Or, the much less popular punchline “Arrr, it’s steerin’ me balls!”

Clearly, everyone, the man’s nuts. Someone should’ve grabbed ‘em before this happened.

I’m wondering if the testicular pain he was experincing was from ill-fitting trousers…

too good to pass up: “Someone should’ve grabbed ‘em before this happened.”

And there was I thinking that to be on that makeshift surgical team certainly took some balls.

Or perhaps having a makeshift surgical team operate on you in your living room took some balls. Just before they took some balls.

It is nuts how quickly this thread went down hill…

Well, to be fair, I didn’t really see a serious conversation not involving ball jokes resulting from this topic.

He should have paid the extra $30 to get them replaced with a professional prosthesis (link not really worksafe).

Police found an improvised operating room in the man’s house, with bright lights, an apparent operating table, a camera and various medical supplies and equipment.

Can you say YOUTUBE!

The best threads happen to be about men’s nards. In the same way that the best things happen at Menards, now that I think about it.

Balls iz seriuz bizniss…

Nuts to prostheses! Just go down to the toy vending machines in the lobby of Wal-Mart and get a couple super balls. Color, swirl, bounce. It’s all there.

Oh, balls.

Yeah, this thread was doomed from inception. Max should have issued a ball-gag order if he wanted it to be kept serious.

I refuse to be castrigated because you people can’t refrain from making awful puns.

“Can you say YOUTUBE!”

His tubes are now tied. Using granny knots.

For those of you still arguing that we really don’t need tort reform, please note that, within an hour of this story breaking, Craigslist pulled its entire Testicle Removal – Self Service/Home Service category off the website.

Once again, viable businesses meeting public needs totally shut down out of fear of the thieving Personal Injury Lawyers. Soon, you’ll look around and realize that you can’t even find the Butt Shavers (amateur/casual) you’re used to using.

A lead on the perpetrator of this medical outrage?

Maybe it was the same person who took them from the City Pages…

I blame ethanol.

….and Carol Molnau.

Are we sure that the “thieving Personal Injury Lawyers” aren’t the ones running around dressed as “Professionals” in order to strum up business?

Not to be cocky, but the general veins of this conversation have left my humor sensitivities pretty flacid. It just seems that if we came together as one, we could erect a tower of comedy with more girth and height than what we’ve done thus far.

I don’t want to leave this comment just dangling out there, but I hope we can all impregnate this thread with a string of comic pearls.

That’s what the Ghostbusters were accused of doing.

That’s what the Ghostbusters were accused of doing

One of the GB movies’ funniest moments, spoken in perfect deadpan by Bill Murray:

Aykroyd: “Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.”

Mayor: Is this true?

Murray: Yes, it’s true…(pause)…This man has no dick.

Y’know, I think there might be
legitimate reasons for such drastic measures.

(Warning, EXTREMELY NSFW)

There’s a vas deferens between quality comedy and the lowbrow puns flying around on this thread.

Didn’t click because I’m at work. The URL info was enough for a mental image though. Scarred for life.

I’ve seen that picture before. You don’t want anything to do with it.

I’m really debating writing a list of punny headlines…

What would Balzac do?

Is grote….um ….hanging out here still?

(read five times fast for absolute hilarity!)

Bixby: As Arnold S would say: “Dooo eeeet.” How did the stand-up go, btw?

Grote: Probably write a very long novel detailing every fold, wrinkle and mole.

Also, after some reflection, I’m wondering why the authorities are even all that fussed about unlicensed operations of this nature. After all, it’s not as if it’s brain surgery.

After all, it’s not as if it’s brain surgery.

I’m sure there are some women out there who would question whether they’re not one in the same.

We should all give RichG his rightful propers for the following: “There’s a vas deferens between quality comedy and the lowbrow pun….”

That was a good one. I, for one, was prostate with laughter.

Thanks Teucer. The group seems somewhat testes today, so I wasn’t sure if anyone would appreciate it.

I was expecting this thread to go nuts but it didn’t.
It wouldn’t be quite ballsy to make a list.
I’m just hangin’ low here at the office so I might as well.

Teucer, I tied for first. There’s a Friday thread on it.