Secrets of the City

Got me thinking of when the Zombie Pub Crawl will strike this year.

Boubon, a Bowie knife and gaffer tape.

Talk about scaring the population into submission. I mean, code ready?

“Be prepared for a weapons incident. The type of weapon used (for example, chemical, biological or nuclear) will determine if you should stay or go.”

Huh?

It was we called NBC trainning back in the Army. I still remember much of it…like to remember to clip the empty nerve gas treatment injectors — you stick the two-inch needle in the thigh muscle — on the victims, so no one coming later overdoses them — one shot saves (they claim), two kills. How to clear and seal a gas mask. The lung-searing burn of tear gas.

All in all, pretty frightening stuff, all of which the average Minnesotan is completely defenceless against. The more you learn about it, “B & C” gets scarier than the big N we have feared since Hiroshima.

Have a fully-fueled late-model SUV that’s designated only for this purpose, loaded with your ammo-heavy BOB, parked in your garage and ready to go.

Here’s a tip: head west. If I told you anymore I’d have to kill you.

When the zombies rise up, I’m getting in a hummer with bob, Maz, and Tom, for their grenade, general survival, and shooting skills, respectively. Of course, there is a real risk they will kill each other, and me, before the zombies reach us, but, if that doesn’t happen, I know I’ll be safe.

What do I bring to this august group, you ask. Easy: Swedish fire steel.

Also: Good gin and whisky.

Who would target MN? Seriously….. While it may sound dumb to make statements such as that, I believe we are way down on the American cities hit list.

What are the chances that a 20 kiloTon device will go off in minneapolis vs. Manhattan let’s be realistic.

Still fun to think about this comedy. The SUV escape seems to be a typical plan, but wouldn’t traffic be a complete bitch if any such event were to occur. Perhaps a dirtbike would be a good way to get the fuck out.

But perhaps you can stay, here is a simulation of the results of a low-yield nuclear weapon detonated in Minneapolis.

Minneapolis Nuked Analysis

scroll to the bottom to see how messed up your area will be.

Assuming a yield similar to Hiroshima of 13 kiloton (I am assuming the terrorists are not Russian Nuclear experts).

Downtown: Complete destruction of reinforced concrete structures, such as skyscrapers, will occur within this ring. Between 7 psi and 15 psi, there will be severe to total damage to these types of structures

9 miles away from blast (not even in 1st ring suburbs yet) : Most glass surfaces, such as windows, will shatter within this ring, some with enough force to cause injury.

Anyway, the two way to prevent this are martial law or a more progressive peaceful foreign policy.

I for one welcome our new Orwelian martial law overlords.

I’m getting in a hummer with bob, Maz, and Tom, for their grenade, general survival, and shooting skills, respectively.

um…if maz heads west, doesn’t he have to enter Minneapolis…thought that was verboten?

Dear God, grote, I hope I’m Michael Keaton in that scenario.

doesn’t he have to enter Minneapolis…thought that was verboten?

Passing through is allowed.

Assuming a yield similar to Hiroshima of 13 kiloton (I am assuming the terrorists are not Russian Nuclear experts).

I was working with 200 Kt warheads that were the size of basketballs. They would be pretty easy to hide I would guess. And that blast area would look like this.

I hope your SUV is a flex-fuel vehicle, maz. We may need to brew our own firewater fuel in Post Zombie Apocalypse America (PZAA). Also, we will want to have something to trade with the locals — or the local zombies, debending how fast it spreads this time. Fortunately, we are all old enough to remember the zombie plague of 1976. You know, I think that Jerry Ford never got the credit and respect due after he nationalized the Guard and Reserve and put down the zombies so quickly. Old Jerr never could “whip inflation now,” but he sure knew how to kick some zombie butt! Still, it was pardoning Nixon (who some suspected of leading the zombies, which was never proven) that finished Ford. Oh, God, your SUV isn’t a FORD, is it maz? If so, we may want to find another ride. Think we can all fit in my VW?

All right, I’m reconsidering my plan. My group of survivalists would definitely kill each other before the zombies showed up.

When I was a wee lad (I think “wee” means, like, 12), my family, at our northern MN cabin, had the joy of living through a tornado. Said tornado destroyed our cabin, all our neighbors’ cabins, our cars, and (obviously) shut off all power. The thick forest was all down, looking like someone had neatly combed it, as all of the trees were lying facing the same way, but tangled and stacked up all over to about fifteen feet deep.

We were in rough shape, having run out to our car knowing the cabin on pilings on the steep hill was toast, as the 6-foot-thick Norway pine that fell on our car (saving our lives, actually, as we didn’t fly away) crushed the roof down on us, cutting us all up with window glass and and branches sticking through the roof.

the National Guard couldn’t cut through to our little in-the-boonies acre of paradise for two days. It was about 95 degrees. Fortunately, our next-door neighbor took these emergency things seriously, and so we all had clean water and food while we waited, along with his emergency supply of gasoline so we could run our chainsaws and clear out some paths.

So, while it’s good joke fodder, once everyone stops and moves on to the next idea to ridicule and it’s safe to be seen with water jugs, quietly check your own stuff, and store some water, and whatnot.

“Cash (about $20, including quarters)“? WTF would you need quarters for?

I usually like to be prepared. I carry a first-aid kit and fire extinguisher in my car, I choose exit-row seats on flights, and I always lock my doors. I have smoke detectors in almost every room, and a tornado shelter spot in my basement.

But I also like to live with peace of mind. Sure, maybe I’m choosing to be naive, but I’m also not being dragged down by living in a life of worry. Same reason I don’t have any interest in owning a gun.

I’m prepared… within reason.

WTF would you need quarters for?

Pay phones and toll booths.

is that a roll of quarters, or are you just happy to see me?

“WTF would you need quarters for?“

For flipping, to see who gets eaten.

Any coin will do, but quarters are bigger and harder to lose.

Insert Quarter or Die.

I thought the zombie apocalypse came last November 7?

heh!

A roll of quarters can be used to pay bribes to easily-impressed guardsmen.

“You won’t let us through? Maybe 3 of these fellers will change your mind. Go on… it’s OK. Buy yourself a Hershey bar when civilization is re-established.

I’d throw a big zombie dance party downtown.

Who would target MN? Seriously….. While it may sound dumb to make statements such as that, I believe we are way down on the American cities hit list.

Actually, most of North Dakota and Omaha are highest on the nuclear hit list…

I blame The Faint.

Alie has the correct as far as a full-on ‘grab your coat and mittens and let’s all go outside and make fallout angels” nuclear exchanges go.

North Dakota’s silos are what they call dense pack – lots of silos built very close together – as this handy fallout map indicates.

You will note that MN gets smeared. I think the current thinking is that Nebraska’s silo and command and control structure is more of a threat to states south of here because of prevailing wind patterns.

They want to knock out our ability to make our own fuel: E85 and biodiesel.

Ethanol killed Minneapolis.

They’ve recently retargeted away from here. Turns out the ethanol in the area would destroy o-rings and seals in the nukes’ fuel systems, causing them to crash in Iowa.

I notice that the FEMA fallout map doesn’t have a legend explaining its color coding, so here is a makeshift one:

Dark orange = We’re boned
Light orange = Oh fuck
Yellow = Don’t plan for retirement

Correction: Ethanol saved Minneapolis!

Err, sorry about Iowa, Kevin.

Outside of those areas, your forecast is “Mildly radioactive rain or snow and sudden outbreaks of skull-clad biker gangs.”

Dude, that sounds like rural Indiana now…

Say, chuck had himself an E85 test ride. Now, not that chuck. Prince chuck.

No, rather…

Yellow = Don’t plan for retirement

Heh, that’s what the baby boomers are under. Heh.

Correction: Ethanol saved Minneapolis!

Err, sorry about Iowa, Kevin.

At least we can go have a steak and a smoke before we are smote.

So baby boomers in rural Indiana will hardly notice the global thermonuclear war, except for the fact that their cable went out.

Thankfully my homestate got rid of most of their nukes…well, as far as I know, anyway, but ND, is just screwing it up for everyone…stupid North Dakota…

Hey, Mrs. Lungs is a Nodaker!

So, then she knows what I speak of…kidding…

I’m ready. I’ve changed my name to “Overdog of the Northern Wastelands.”

Heh. I’m ready for pretty much everything.

You scare me, Binky.

Why be frightened? If I’m so wrong, I ought to be the subject of ridicule, right? If, on the other hand, I’m right, my presence is a nagging reminder that things might not be all right… that there may actually be a danger posed to all of us.

I would be interested to know what your take on the recently foiled terrorist plots against Fort Dix, NJ and JFK Airport is. Do you think the news reports are nothing but a campfire story? Do you think that tornadoes don’t happen, that snowstorms don’t happen, that power-outages don’t happen? Do you think that despite the news reports every night (and the stories you post on this forum), muggings and robberies don’t happen? Home invasions?

Yeah, I’m sure I do scare you. I scare you because I’m a constant reminder that this isn’t (and won’t ever be) the utopian dreamworld you’d like it to be. I scare you because I’m forcing a little bit of reality into your dreamworld.

I feel a little like Harold Ramis in Stripes when that guy says he’ll kill anyone who calls him Francis, and insists on being called “Psycho.”

A: Call me whatever you like, I couldn’t care less… Just don’t call me for help when the shit hits the fan.

B: You haven’t addressed my question: what of Ft. Dix, JFK International Airport, tornadoes, storms and burgeoning crime? Are all of these a right wing conservative conspiracy? Bushes fault? The Republicans fault? Or a very real problem that we should prepare for?

You’re talking to a guy who was in Los Angeles for the riots and was forced out of New Orleans by a hurricane. But I’m not sure my preparations for emergency and yours are precisely the same.

Here is a question for you Binky. How many of these have YOU experienced? How many home invasions have you been involved with? How many muggings? They happen. They may even happen to you or me one day. However, how likely is it? How many people do you know that it has never happened to?

As for Ft. Dix and/or JFK International Airport, who reported the “incidents”? Do you fully trust them? Do you rail on the media unless they feed into your particular bias? I don’t know what the realities of those situations are. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit that they are totally fabricated, or just big talk from a couple of Timothy McVeigh wannabes. I do know, that if it happens, there is not one thing you can do to stop it. So, why worry?

msparber:

Your approach to the disasters you “endured” was probably what most libs do in times of trouble… cower in a corner until your good old mother government comes in to save you. Either that or run like hell; let the powers that be beat you.

I bet you believe Bush was responsible for Katrina, too. Maybe the flooding of NOLA? Did he have his foot-soliders wire demolition charges to the base of the levees? Did he use his “weather machine” to cause the hurricane in the first place?

DouglasG:

Home invasions: 0. The door is always locked unless I’m actively speaking to someone (and only then by my choice) and if there’s a stranger at the door, there’s usually some form of protection either at arms length or closer.

Muggings: 0. I avoid problem areas after dark. I don’t let anyone I don’t know get close enough to “get the drop” on me, if you choose that cliche. And once again, if someone is approaching without first making their intentions known, I’ve got a means of defense close at hand and ready to bear.

These two are a lot less likely for me because I choose to be aware of my surroundings.

Natural disaters… not a year goes by when there isn’t a tornado, blackout, or severe snowstorm that closes the roads for at least a day or so out here. It gives me a chance to dust off the radio gear in the house, break out the flashlights, and check on some of the other preps, and improve that which I’ve already put in place.

As for Ft. Dix and JFK Intl Airport…

I don’t think Timothy McVeigh ever uttered the phrase “allah akbar” or any of that crap.

And see my comments above regarding “weather machines”, demolition charges and other crackpot conspiracys if you think that news stories of terror plots are fabricated.

I think the thing about preparedness is that one should be prepared for a whole range of eventualities, including a large number of outcomes where one goes through a generally life confronted by only typical joys and vicissitudes; a life where one is not mugged, or forced to dig one’s own grave, or make snap decisions regarding justice towards a group of cannibal bikers. A mostly normal life, in other words.

The die-hard survivalist type seems inordinately concerned with only the potential hardships of life. His public face is similar to that of a disease-phobic who can talk only of the million different potential pathogens that lie in wait every time they venture out into public. Every conversation he is involved with gets bent around to describe the horrible pains of cardiac arrest or the ruination of a stroke. Every time he brings this up, he always talks about his well-stocked medicine chest and how he is eating sensibly and exercising. His tone seems somewhat self-congratulatory and just a little selfish. “No,” he says “don’t come crying to me if you feel chest pains. You’re on your own. You should have listened to me.”

Does this person sound like a multi-faceted and genuinely concerned individual? Or do he come across like someone who is, maybe, focusing too much on one aspect of life?

Oddly enough, the gun guys tend to have a lot more to say than the hypochondriacs. I think it’s something to do with wanting to create a manly persona, but that might just be me.

Wow… someone told me I projected that “Film Noir” appearance. You take the cake.

As for looking out for others, why should I waste my resources on someone who refused to read the writing on the wall?

I think that was me who said that as well.

“As for looking out for others, why should I waste my resources on someone who refused to read the writing on the wall?”

The Levite looked down upon the broken body of the robbed man in the ditch on the other side of the road. Blood trickled from the man’s nostrils as he stirred and tried to speak. “He should have bought himself a stout stick and learned how to use it, like I did. Then maybe he wouldn’t have been robbed on this known treacherous stretch of road. What a sheeple maroon.” said the Levite.

Just skimming his Fascist Dribble I can see Binky is just another whack job looking to validate his own irrational fear and hatred.

Yep. Just another member of the GOP.

As for this:

I would be interested to know what your take on the recently foiled terrorist plots against Fort Dix, NJ and JFK Airport is.

I’ll tell you what it is…a bunch of fucking LIES.

If you believe ANYTHING the Bush Administration has to say at this point…and obviously you do…you are a poop head.

’nuff said!

Your approach to the disasters you “endured” was probably what most libs do in times of trouble… cower in a corner until your good old mother government comes in to save you. Either that or run like hell; let the powers that be beat you.

How dare you, you who have endured nothing but minor inconveniences from the weather and have never been mugged, presume to make assumptions about what I did when confronted by one of the largest mass riots in history and the destruction of an American city.

Perhaps you would like to radiate a film noir persona, but, from where I am sitting, you look like something much more quotidian — an easy chair tough guy who likes to anonymously boast of his undemonstrated martial prowess on public forums. Well, bully for you. Anyone can be a superhero in their own fantasies — dealing with the real world is a lot harder and requires a lot more finesse.

I have been mugged. At knifepoint and gunpoint. Both times I got away with my life, and the mugger got nothing more than a few dollars. I also interrupted a man who was beating his girlfriend with a hammer, whereupon he decided that beating me with a hammer was a good substitute. I managed to wrestle him to a standstill and then talk him down.

I know you think that you are awfully clever never to have been faced with these circumstances, because of some sort of mystical gift you have for sizing up your surroundings and, I don’t know, having the right weapon in your hand just when you need it. But the truth is, you’ve been luck. When your luck runs out, and the city floods around you, or a riot erupts, or someone pulls a knife on you, we can talk, but until then, you’re just another pretender.

We’re supposed to have severe weather on Wednesday this week.

Heck, maybe we will be scare enough to put on our U.S. Government-owned tin foil hats before the hail starts pouring down on us in the Twin Cities by midnight.

As for the JFK thing, now, I haven’t really read extensively on the subject, but, as was mentioned in the Strib article, jet fuel is extremely difficult to ignite with a single bomb blast as it has a high flash point in it’s liquid form (which is dramatically lowered when it’s aerosolized), which is good, because, you know, I really don’t want to head out to Toronto on a flying bomb. From my interpretation, this plan was in it’s infancy and the guys were either too stupid (um…getting the dime dropped on you by a drug dealer cum police informant) or lacked funds to fully realize their plan in the immediate future. Could they have achieved their goal? Sure. There are few things that can come between a whacko and his dream. But, I’m not sure if I want to fall for the Right-Wing, pro-gun groups’ fear mongering, constantly looking over my shoulder and wetting my pants every time Bush raises the threat level. I’d rather be out there, living my life to the fullest, because when I die, I want to remember my friends and loved ones, not where the extra water and duct tape are…

That said, if the apocalypse comes, I plan on having lots of beer, tater tots, and ammo (no guns, though, gotta have something to trade to make a living).

How much warning did you have before that city flooded all around you? How much lead time did you have to get out of dodge?

And yet you stayed. Wassamatter, that 10 speed of yours not an adequate form of transportation?

You’ve been mugged, and you call me paranoid for avoiding the areas that things like that happened?

One of us is nuts. I’m pretty sure it’s not me.

Dumb.

You can get mugged anywhere, dude. It’s a crime of opportunity, and from what I understand, muggers and thieves target affluent and touristy areas due to the higher payout…better get back in that panic room, now…

I didn’t stay. I left New Orleans. I left the moment it seemed likely that a hurricane was going to hit the city. But, you know, don’t let the facts get in the way of your assumptions. You’ve made a lot of them about me tonight, and they have, for the most part, been wrong.

One of the times I was mugged was at work at a movie theater in Westwood, an affluent suburb of Los Angeles. A guy came up to the teller window and produced a pistol and demanded I give him money. The other time was a few blocks from my home in Koreatown, which, admittedly, was a sketchier area. He ran across the street and attacked me with a knife. The guy with the hammer was right behind Nye’s, in front of student housing. I’m sure I could have avoided him, and I am equally sure he would have hospitalized the woman he was beating.

You may be right, though, Binky. One of us may be crazy.

So you ran, and yet talk about how you were there when the hurricanes hit. Yep. And then you talk about the times you were victimized and robbed and you still talk about how its wrong for me to want to defend myself in the face of a similar threat.

WTF is your problem? Jsut because you choose to be disarmed, don’t force your victim mentality on me. Just go live in your liberal utopian society with the campfire sing-a-longs and the free love, and the fairy tales where everyone lives happily ever after in the land of faeries and elves.

I’ll keep the light on in the real world if you ever decide to stop by for a visit.

Did I say I was there when the hurricanes hit? Don’t recall saying that. Would love it if you could point to where I say that,

I’m just saying I have actual experience with crime and national emergencies. When you do too, I’m willing to entertain this conversation. Until then, I find you’re decision to anonymously crow on a public board about how much firepower you have to be extremely juvenile.

Forced out, I’ll give you that one. But according to your rules, you *don’t* have “actual experience” with national emergencies, either. Not if you ran away. If you were cowering in a corner during the LA Riots, that doesn’t count either. Nor does it count if your block wasn’t actively experiencing rioting.

As for crime, I can’t help but think that there are no “victims” short of very young children. Anyone else who is a “victim” is one because they made very stupid choices. They make the choice to travel alone after dark, to blast their Ipods at top volume while they go jogging through dimly lit parks, they don’t even take the most basic measures to be aware of their surroundings and protect themselves.

I haven’t been a victim of a crime because I choose to use common sense. I avoid high-crime areas. I watch my back. I make preparations to react to crime that “finds me” so that I have a very good chance of coming out of it unscathed.

Binky if you set your gun down I would love to kick your ass.

Trash Talking Pussy.

Two interesting things come to mind here…

A: Raindogs obvious inability to control his temper, threatening to “kick my ass”, and yet I’m the psychopath with issues, and

B: The contemplation as to whether assault laws would cover whats written in an anonymous post on a web forum. (Fifth degree assault, if you choose to look up the law… )

Interesting that the guy who has never experienced a national emergency and never been robbed feels he gets to define the parameters of what constitutes a legitimate experience of those events.

Just to be clear, though, becoming a refugee and being forced to abandon your possessions does constitute “experiencing” a national emergency by anyone’s standards, except, apparently, yours. Also to be clear, my block did experience rioting during the La Riots, and I was assaulted in a previous riot, in Westwood.

I stand by my point. Until you have some actual experience here, you’re just some pretender babbling on the Internet. I’m glad you’ve got your single issue, that you talk about incessantly. May I suggest a service such as blogger, where you can write about it to your heart’s content. For now, the topic has gotten exceedingly dull, and I will no longer respond to your posts. I invite fellow MnSpeakers to do likewise.

And you’re presuming I have no experience with emergencys. Uh huh. How do you know? How do you know what I’ve done in my life to put my at my present mindset?

Do you remember Saint Peter, MN? The F5 tornado that erased most of the town? Have you ever driven through the aftermath of a tornado, searching house to house with a flashlight, trying to find injured people and hoping you didn’t step on a live power line? Have you ever helped to locate a downed plane by tracking the signal from its transponder?

Hmm?

As for crime, I stand by my view that a lot of your “victimization” is 95% your fault. Your fault for the choices you make, your fault for putting yourself in harms way, your fault for being ignorant of your surroundings, and your fault for refusing to take steps to protect yourself.

B: The contemplation as to whether assault laws would cover whats written in an anonymous post on a web forum. (Fifth degree assault, if you choose to look up the law… )

Add “sniveling” to the description on Binky.

Were you that undercover road rage cop who got shot up in Coon Rapids?

You were pwned, dude.

PWNED!

As for the cop in Coon Rapids, there are so many things flawed in that story. Quite simply, he got his comeuppence. In an unmarked car, out of uniform, and out of his jurisdiction he got into a pissing match with an armed citizen and decided to play his “gold card”.

Unfortunately for him, while puffing out his chest and acting like a psychotic, he pulled out his gun before his badge and underestimated a mere “civilian”.

The “Cop” is lucky he’s not dead. The permit holder exhibited a phenomenal amount of restraint when faced with a man pulling a gun on him, his wife, and his children.

God damn porkers.

As for crime, I stand by my view that a lot of your “victimization” is 95% your fault. Your fault for the choices you make, your fault for putting yourself in harms way, your fault for being ignorant of your surroundings, and your fault for refusing to take steps to protect yourself.

Hey this is just like those guys in The Accused.

“The bitch was asking for it.”

I pity you, Binky. What a sad existence your hate filled world must be.

“Hate” is a very strong word, one that I think gets used too often. There are so many examples of people using “hate” without understanding the true implications of what the word means.

I myself find the prevailing emotion I feel towards unknown people is indifference. Couldn’t care less what happens to you one way or the other, as long as you don’t threaten the well-being of my family or myself.

If you are one of those unknown people I encounter and you start acting in a way that is suspicous, I will treat you with a certain level of scrutiny. If you act in a threatening manner toward me or attempt to do me harm, I will respond with whatever force is necessary to neutralize your threat with whatever resources are at my disposal.

When it comes to accquaintances… they’re that; people I’m accquainted with. I have conversations with them and enjoy their company. If something bad happened to them I’d be upset, probably bummed out for a while, but the world wouldn’t end.

When it comes to “friends”, I make no distinction between them and my own family. I love them enough to kill for them or die for them. And if there’s any threat to their safety, by god I’m gonna do what I have to to protect them.

But, “Hate”? No. There’s not one single person in the world that I can say I hate. There’s not one person that has hurt me badly enough to be worthy of “hate”.