Secrets of the City

It’s been said before, it’ll be said again: Any article that discusses burgers and doesn’t mention the Jucy Lucy isn’t worth reading.

Now I want a burger. Damn you people.

and the “oops, you didnt read the entire linked article, did you?” award goes to….

Ya thanks, jerks. Are there any burger joints that will deliver to my desk?

Seriously, I really want a burger.

I still say the peanut and green curry turkey burger at the Edina Grill has got to be one of the best in town.

There’s no way the 5-8 makes a better Jucy. They don’t get the cheese hot enough. The reason why Matt’s is so good is because American cheese is barely real food, and can be heated to the point where it totally loses any of the physical properties associated with solid cheese, and it gets that great, runny, flaming liquid type of consistency which makes it squirt out all over the place. Don’t get me wrong — the 5-8 Jucy is great, and the overall quality of the meat and bun is better. But you’ll only go so far using real gourmet cheese — only weird yellow American cheese can do the amazing chemically-altered slooshy things that are the hallmark of a good Jucy.

Damn liberal media, always biased against the Jucy.

aw, fuck y’all, now I’m probably going to get a burger at the cafeteria toady

How is the General Mills cafeteria Wayne? Do they have more than just cereal?

I’m seriously considering walking down and having them heat up a frozen angus patty for me, even though I know it will make me feel sick and cost far more than it should. Or maybe McDonald’s. Thoughts?

“I’m probably going to get a burger at the cafeteria toady“

Better do it quick. With a name like “cafeteria toady”, I doubt it’s going to be there long.

Josie you wanna pick me up and we can go have a burger?

Now that we are using ethanol in our gas which reduces MPG and increases fires at ethanol plants, I can’t imagine that it does all that much for our environment over burning 100% gasoline.

The reason the tax hasn’t been as high is because we aren’t actually using real gas anymore. It’s unfortunate that we even have to have this discussion.

My office is six blocks from that skyway place in the Strib article. I’m totally going there. Now. But I don’t have my car at work so unfortunately for you, Kevin, I can’t come pick you up.

I’m taking this as a sign, since I was telling an East Coast friend about the Jucy Lucy yesterday and have been thinking about burgers ever since. I vote for a burger crawl of sorts: MNspeak Jucy-Lucy-Eat-Off-Meet-Up.

The reason the tax hasn’t been as high is because we aren’t actually using real gas anymore.

Huh? Every gas tax increase proposal I know of increases taxes on E85 and other alternative fuels.

I’ve said this before, but Jucy Lucys are an abomination to a true burger. You end up with 2 crispy dried out overworked beef patties with goop in between. A real burger has to be dripping with juice. Lions Tap in EP/Chaska or Convention Grill in Edina get my best affordable burger title (used to be Gold Nugget in Mtka, RIP…also, I forget the name, but there’sa retro place in MGM is pretty tasty). In the deliciously overpriced category, I’ll take the Kitchen Sink Burger @ Town Talk or the Lamb Burgers @ LBV lounge.

I will be sampling the 5-8 on Friday for lunch, just to be sure I don’t like Jucys.

I don’t have my car either, that’s why you would have had to pick me up.

Shit.

I like the idea of a Meet Up Meat Off. On several levels.

Josie, If you try My Burger, would you please post the results?

Grote-

Shut up. I prefer that I can hit my burgers with a 5-iron without breaking them and cheese is good in between a lot of things.

Andy’s Garage is the place you’re thinking of in MGM. I’ve had it. It’s good, but just another frozen patty burger that you can get in a gazillion other places. It’s also one of those places that gives you chips and charges an extra $2 for fries AND THEN DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE CHIPS. Eat their tuna melt, it’s way better. Forgo the fries.

Actually we don’t really have much cereal thanks to the fact that there’s an outside contractor for catering/cafeteria services and we’re not allowed to give/sell our own cereal there.

It’s ok, though. The main office is way better, though. The office drones get fucking sushi. Life really isn’t fair.

also:

OMG I DON’T EVEN *OWN* A CAR!

or a license.

Kevin, we are really just evil twins.

I’m with grote on this. In order to get the cheese to melt (even american) you have to raise the internal temperature of the meat high enough that cooks the thing well-done, and a well-done burger is an abomination.

Besides, the melted cheese on top gives the fried onions something to stick into so they don’t slide out into your lap.

PS, Kevster … I love tuna melts.

PS, Wayne…

You shut up, too.

):

Hey, so how about that Wii? Anyone know where to get one?

Screw American cheese. The only non-Italian cheese I use is pepper jack.

Screw ketchup. I only use BBQ sauce now.

The best burgers are at McDonald’s, in my opinion. Consistency, consistency, consistency.

The rest are overpriced ($8 for a processed beef patty from a lesser cut and a bun?), undercooked and often poorly made.

I suppose you’re not connected to the skyway on that lofty hill over there, Kevin, but D. Brian’s would deliver burgers to you and the rest of the office for little-to-nothing if you were.

Wayne, I really hope you find your Wii soon. This has gone on for too long. ):

I second the vote for the turkey burger at the Highland Grill. mmm…

“You end up with 2 crispy dried out overworked beef patties with goop in between.“

Funny, I was reading this and immediately was reminded of a three-judge panel in another state I saw last week.

I just got back from having a foodgasm over at MyBurger. It’s the closest thing to an In-N-Out burger I’ve had since leaving Los Angeles. The chocolate malt was just the right size to satisfy without making you feel like your stomach’s going to explode afterwards. All this for less than ten bucks. I call it a win.

Someone make the call on the Meet Up Meat Off. Having the idea was too exhausting to move forward with planning it.

Thanks Ingrid. I agree. This Wii shortage must stop now!

Count me in with grote and 4eyes. The Jucy Lucy is at best a novelty item.

Yeah, its cute and fun but they’re basically beef hockey pucks with a lava filling.

For an uberburger, the 2/3 lb at Fuddruckers is great if you can talk them into doing it mid-rare.

I’d sure love to find a place that does a great bison burger, though.

You’re gonna be really, really pissed when I mention that I picked ours up yesterday, aren’t you?

bobby I kept asking you where!

don’t leave me hanging! You got yours! where’s mine?

oh god, In-N-Out Burger …
drool

Josie…dear god, yes. Thanks for the update.

The only question will be if they can make a double double animal style and double fry the fries.

My Burger is lacking the special sauce component, but as far as patty consistency, freshness of product, etc., it’s right on target. The fries are not fresh potatoes but are still delicious, and are included with the burger.

Plus everything comes in a cute little box. I enjoy aesthetics.

Bison burger, eh? Now here’s something you’re missing in the Twin Cities…Ted’s (as in Turner) Montana Grill. Great variety of yummy bison burgers.

I’ve never had a Jucy Lucy, and moved just before the MyBurger opened…so sad. I did have an underwhelming veggie burger at the NE Bulldog, though.

And can’t you find a Wii on the WWW (Wayne Wants a Wii)? Is every online outlet sold out as well? I’d like one, too, but I just bought a Mac Book, and am having fun learning it.

My Burger is nothing special. A step up from McDonald’s maybe. If you troll the skyways, try L. Philip’s Cafe (5th and Marquette). Way tastier, juicier patties and many burger variations.

I agree with the earlier post that Lion’s Tap is tops for burgers. That’s all they do and they do it well. Worth the trip out 212 towards Chaska.

JTD, in my opinion, anywhere you can get something freshly prepared in five minutes for five bucks is kind of special.

Man, why Josie gotta go mentionin’ In-n-Out Burger? C’mon that ain’t fair.

ANY establishment that will deliver to the hill for free will surely be richly rewarded, especially on days like yesterday when they’re all stuck here until 5:30 a.m. Lucky me, I don’t have to stay for all that.

I came up with the phrase Meet Up Meat Off, so that’s all the effort I’m going to put into it.

I’ve been daydreaming about In-n-Out burgers since June of 2005. Now that ain’t fair.

It’s called “My Burger Box”, and while it’s OK, there is no way it’s worth $7 for that burger & fries. I’d rather pay the same for the greasebomb @ Ike’s.

Wagners in Tha SLP (7 btwn Texas & Louisiana) is damn good. Fuddruckers is good only because I get all the pickle slices I can eat.

BTW, no burger experience compares to an In N Out Double Chz Burger Animal Style with a well done fry. Just give up. Nothing.

In the absence of an In-N-Out burger, we all have to do the best we can with what we have.

I get to make a yearly pilgrimage to the In-N-Out Burger when I visit my parents for xmas.

Also on the list: Jack in the Box and Del Taco.

Where do your parents live?

And, oh, Del Taco. Sigh. The one near my office in Los Angeles was on the corner of the epicenter of “Tranny Town”, where transvestite hookers hawked their wares. One taught me how to properly strut down the street, which is one of the top random-stranger encounters of my lifetime.

I got to eat there once, and that was in 2002! I also saw a lot of places in LA called simply “Fat Burger.” heh!

Fat Burgers are pretty good too. But they’re no In-N-Out.

In the absence of an In-N-Out burger, we all have to do the best we can with what we have.

I don’t see what the obsession with that place is. I personally thought it was no different than any other fast food joint. It’s like Wendy’s meat with Culver’s speed.

I haven’t had one in about 3 years but Capital Grille seemed to put out a good burger.

I grew up in southern central california, mecca of fast food chains.

ever heard of bakersfield?
horrible place.

“Tranny Town”, where transvestite hookers hawked their wares‘

that’s something we’re really missing here in the Twin Cities. freakish risque sexuality….gay is so mainstream here…you can’t tell the gay guys from the weathermen. I once knew a black tranny named Trendsetta…

That 112 burger with the brie is to die for. Too bad it’s so freaking hard to get a table there.

Bakersfield is on the way to Vegas, isn’t it? Or is that Baker I’m thinking of?

I don’t see what the obsession with that place is. I personally thought it was no different than any other fast food joint. It’s like Wendy’s meat with Culver’s speed.

beyond the fact that it just tastes awesome, it’s locally sourced and made fresh to order. If you can’t tell the difference between a hand pressed all-beef patty that’s cooked fresh and a machine pressed patty with filler that’s been frozen for a month, I can’t help you. Also, the potaotes go straight from field to cutter to fryer…no added beef flavor or parrafin wax.

no…that’s Barstow. (as in “we were just outside of Barstow when the drugs began to take hold”) Bakersfield is on the way to nowhere….maybe some dirt farms.

Oh, God, and the shakes…

Okay, I either need an In-n-Out burger or I need to get laid.

I need an in-n-out burger AND to get laid.

possibly at the same time

Well depending on which way you’re coming from, bakersfield is on the way to vegas. it’s also ‘that place we stopped to get gas and eat at on our way to/from los angeles.’

bakersfield is between vegas and Fresno or SLO….or SF if you want to go the “ugly way”

Did somebody say bison burger?
There’s a pretty tasty bison burger at the Good Earth in Roseville.

Barstow is a hell hole.

lol@ Josie for her seemingly constant desire for meat and meeting

If you wait long enough you can make anything about food and/or sex.

beyond the fact that it just tastes awesome, it’s locally sourced and made fresh to order. If you can’t tell the difference between a hand pressed all-beef patty that’s cooked fresh and a machine pressed patty with filler that’s been frozen for a month, I can’t help you. Also, the potaotes go straight from field to cutter to fryer…no added beef flavor or parrafin wax.

Oh, I can tell and that’s the problem with In-N-Out; it’s just not that good but coming from a bunch of taste-bud-less individuals living in the Midwest, I’m not at all surprised by this.

That’s what she said.

possibly at the same time

Wayne, maybe you should focus on one project at a time here. If you’re asking for both, you might be setting yourself up for failure.

Also that would be so amazing that life could no longer have meaning afterwards, and I would hate to see you peak at such a young age.

Good point. I’ll save the in-n-out burger for afterward so I can substitute it for a cigarette (I’m quitting!)

Bakersfield. I went there once but it was closed. No wonder wayne ex-caped to minninapolis.

They serve a good burger at Stub & Herb’s.

Really…no snark.

They serve a good burger at Stub & Herb’s.

Really…no snark.

sorry folks…double click Bob rides again!

Frequently floss hoes at Roscoe’s
If I wanna squirt her, take her to Fatburger
Spend about a week on Venice Beach
Sippin Crist-o, with some freaks from Frisco

That’s pretty much all I have to add to the hamburger conversation. Oh, that and please be try to be aware of where your meat comes from. Not just to avoid foodborne illness (there can be flesh and parts from 100 dead cows in your single patty), but to perpetuate better living by supporting local farmers who raise those guys humanely and in healthy conditions.

What didn’t get mentioned in that hard-hitting bit of journalism about the burgers is the delicious venison burger at The Craftsman. It’s got bacon inside (lean little Bambi stays moist) and it comes with homemade ketchup, making it a step toward the gourmet burgers that I just have to pretend are something besides a burger, but it is ever-so-excellent.

did alamn bob just recommend Sue Jeffers’ place for a burger?

1. mcgovern’s in st paul makes a mean bacon cheeseburger.
2. myburger is myfriday treat to myself. it’s awesome.
3. i think the writer mentions the craftsman in his podcast or whatever.
4. i’ve never had a dry jucy lucy at matt’s. i always get 2, cuz that’s just how i roll.

Sue Jeffers is dreamy.

Kincaids in St. Paul…in the bar…off the bar menu.
A very, very, good burger.
(Big and cheap, too!)

Wayne, sorry, I cheated. A client from my past reps for a foreign electronics manufacturer, and periodically throws stuff my way. He called and asked if my kids wanted a Wii. I said “Wii??” He explained. I said, thanks, but probably not. Then mentioned it to my eldest kid. And immediately feared for my own safety.

Called him back, said yes, please.

Now my kids all want to go to the gun store tomorrow . . .

Now my kids all want to go to the gun store tomorrow . . .

heh. Too bad you wasted such a good joke on a bad audience.

zenrhino — spellsgood: Longfellow/Highland/Edina Grills do a really good bison burger, though it is overlooked by most because of the aforementioned (excellent) turkey burger. Me, I prefer the Elvis burger and a Summit

oh bobby you’re breakin my heart!

and I’ve never had a jucy lucy.

I did, Geoff.

Last time I had a really good burger, it was at Sue’s place. The fries were perfect, too.

Kevin — down boy, down!

Point One–If a joint can’t make a good burger, they are screwed. It’s not super tough.

Point Two: Based on my research into the jucy lucy, I believe Matt’s is using some sort of Cheese Whiz product. No other lucy or lucy like burger ever gets the cheese that liquidy. The 58, Sporty’s & Tooties all seem to be using actual cheese. It melts, but doesn’t go molten.

Point 3: Spicy asian pork burger at Joe’s Garage. mmmmmm.

Wayne,
Maybe it would be better if you just tell us all what you have had.

Bob,
I’ll think Sue Jeffers is attractive if I want to. And I do.

Sue Jeffers proves the adage that libertarian women are both brilliant AND attractive.