Secrets of the City

Math, obviously.

Meth.

A man hung like a Shire horse.

(What?)

I was going to say a man hung like a Shire horse, but someone already said that.

Picard crying

WCCO news

Data swearing.

Spock swearing too.

I like Josie more and more every day. (Wait, that’s not my answer to the question.)

Skinny white boys with tattoos and bad attitudes…for reals…

Boobies.

PhDs, law degrees, statutes, etc
Physical fitness
Eyes
Tight jeans (with pockets)
Pink baseball hats
Tan lines

That is all.

I’m 6ft tall, and I have a taste for tall women, like 5′10 and up. Being hideous or thick negates the effect, but it is not necessary to have a supermodel face or body. I don’t understand where it comes from, but it’s not about the legs, it’s not Freudian (my mother is average height), and it’s not closeted (remember, no burlies). Can anyone peek into my psyche and explain what it is?

The kind of girls I usually like always like the skinny boys with tattoos.

There is no love for the chunky boys with no tattoos. For serious. I keep hoping the beard will pay off because I see some chunky indie rock dudes with beards getting some schladies, but I don’t know if I have enough cred because I’m not in a band.

wakka wakka

Klingons.

Girls who bring me beer. On a golf cart. At a golf course.

The Cardassian withdrawl from Bajor.

Aw, Erica, I like you too.

Also, I am fond of men in suits. And uniforms. Firefighter’s uniforms. I used to walk by a fire station in Boston every day one summer on my way home with really, really hot firefighters who sat outside on lawn chairs all day.

I’m sorry, were we talking about something?

What about labcoats? anyone have a labcoat fetish?

OK, scratch the whole thing.

What really turns me on is football-tanned skin and bleached-blonde, highlighted, or two-step color hair. Paint on some eyebrows, and accessorize with a Coach purse and Caribou/Starbucks latte.

HAWT.

Can anyone peek into my psyche and explain what it is?

The desire to sire a future pro athlete who will take care of you with his millions.

Josie reminds me that I forgot to mention:

Women in business attire.

I forgot uniforms too…mmm….

with horn-rimmed glasses …

Oh, and those pointy heels. Apparently women like to make their feet look big now.

tank tops with spaghetti straps
a good workout, enjoyment of same
knowing eyes
belly laughs
intelligent women in general, talking science/engineering is a bonus
my girl’s sour cream apple pie *foodgasm*

I guess I just don’t want to get to work today, and someone just had to mention business attire…

I dare say that I’m stranglely attracted to Tarryl Clark. Please don’t judge, I’m not asking anyone to agree.

Blue collar guys.

Eric, from the looks of things it would appear that we have the same taste in women. Gonna dump her anytime soon?

HEHE…kevin likes lesbians!

Guys, take note: find a profession that requires you to wear a uniform, and you’ll be fighting the ladies off with your telescoping night stick.

Let’s not forget the movie Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze was my first crush.

I didn’t realize ericam was Erica, not Eric.

Still…

I dare say that I’m stranglely attracted to Tarryl Clark.

She’s a bleeping nanny statist.

when I quickly read Maz’s response, I thought he was channeling Imus.

My biggest turn on is misplaced confidence to the point of self parody.

… but who doesn’t like lesbians?

They occupy the perfect (straight?) guy matrix of people with whom you can relate, sexually, but not relate… sexually. The latter is a huge hurdle to clear in many inter-gender relationships.

That’s kind of my take. All the lesbians I know (5 or 6) are athletes, ex-athletes and/or sports fans. I can talk to them about the Twins chances or the Vikings draft choice just like I would a guy. My wife has no interest in those sorts of “guy things.” It’s a turn-on to me to be able to talk to a great-looking chick about stuff usually only guys talk about. Dr. Freud, paging doctor Freud!

I was mostly poking fun at Kev for still not knowing that ericam was a woman.

I have found most lesbians don’t hang with many straight men. I’m only basing this on the 15-20 lesbians that I personally know so I might be wrong.

I’ve attended many Linx games with a couple of good friends who happen to be lesbians and share my interest in women’s basketball.

So true, Josie. Uniforms and musicians. Girls will date the fugliest dudes because they sing or playing guitar in a band.

Girls will date the fugliest dudes because they sing or playing guitar in a band.

This alone is reason enough for mysogyny.

Howdy, kwatt. Nice to meet you. I wasn’t gonna correct you and kinda see what happened, but this was more entertaining.

They occupy the perfect (straight?) guy matrix of people with whom you can relate, sexually, but not relate… sexually. The latter is a huge hurdle to clear in many inter-gender relationships.

That’s very astute, champs.

I have lots more straight guy friends than gay guy friends. Until recently I had more of each of those than lesbian friends. But that’s just me. I think I’m abnormal amongst lesbians in that regard.

I’m quite aware that it’s not exactly a mutual feeling, but it could be, even if our stereotypical similar interests are only skin deep.

Um, Wayne, won’t most guys date dumb/bitchy/downright mean girls because they’re hot? Same difference.

I have dated some fugly and/or jerky dudes because there was something about them I was really attracted to…but it never lasts long.

Well I can still be bitter, Josie. Don’t take that away from me too!

Also, re: lesbians
some of the best partying I’ve ever done was with lesbians. they know how to have FUN.
and just like actual FUN, nothing sexual whatsoever. In fact, I think the fact that there was zero pressure there made everything more fun.

Now that I have this topic on the brain, mechanics get me hot too…something about exaust smell and grease under the fingernails…mmm…dirty…

This pretty much sums up what I like in a woman.

I’m quite aware that it’s not exactly a mutual feeling, but it could be, even if our stereotypical similar interests are only skin deep.

Did I ever tell you about the time back in my yute …? Oh yeah, I guess I did.

The train of thought inspired by this thread is making it really difficult to concentrate on work today.

(Oh, man, greasy mechanics…or a sweaty, scantily clad construction worker…sigh. My spreadsheets are never getting done today.)

Guys, take note: find a profession that requires you to wear a uniform, and you’ll be fighting the ladies off with your telescoping night stick.

Even prisoners?

Really smart
Really funny
No arrest record

There’s more but that’s the pre-screening process.

When I was in the submarine service, the local scottish town government told us they didn’t want us wearing our uniforms in town. Seems we stole the hearts of all the local women and that pissed off the local skitch men. heh

If the mechanic has tattoos, oh, man, forget it, I’d die…

nerd fetishists are far too rare in this world

spreadsheets

I like nerds, as long as they’re not into WoW or D and D.

but nerds are nothing like sweaty mechanics

and I still can’t understand wow nerds. I feel like I should be beating them up and taking their lunch money, which … I mean, seriously.

It appears Ali and I have, well, everything in common.

And Bixby’s prescreening process is spot-on, but I’d like to had “not legally married” to the list.

ps what ever happened with that bottle thing?

as long as they’re not into WoW or D and D

Those are geeks.

ps what ever happened with that bottle thing?

Somebody’s fixating…. I think you’d be more satisified if you found your own bottle and did something with it.

You’d be surprized how nerdy mechanics are…my dad is one and he’s the biggest gearhead who will bore you to tears about catalytic converters and carburators and intake valves…etc. Not to mention you almost have to have an engineering degree to work on cars now

As for the vid, too many hits, had to take it down permanently…

just wait until I’m off work and I have plenty of my own bottles.

spreadsheets

ahahaha, I just got it.

but nerds are nothing like sweaty mechanics

Well, the sweaty mechanic and the nerd each fulfill a different yet equally important need. You marry the sweet, kind-to-animals, emotionally stable nerd, but you end up in the auto body shop after hours, boning the emotionally unavailable sweaty tattooed mechanic on the hood of a Chevelle.

(I feel weird dropping the f-bomb on MNspeak. Is that wrong?)

fulfill?

ahahaha, I just got it

What? I like spreadsheets. Not as pretty looking as a nice saddle point, but it does the trick.

Mmmhmmm.

(no work currently being accomplished)

…I’d like to had “not legally married” to the list.

Nice addition, Josie!

had to take it down permanently…

Nooooooooooo! I never even knew what it was!

Well, the sweaty mechanic and the nerd each fulfill a different yet equally important need. You marry the sweet, kind-to-animals, emotionally stable nerd, but you end up in the auto body shop after hours, boning the emotionally unavailable sweaty tattooed mechanic on the hood of a Chevelle.

That’s supposed to make me feel good about being the former how?

What? I like spreadsheets. Not as pretty looking as a nice saddle point, but it does the trick.

Wait, you weren’t playing the pun angle?

oh ):

still, I like spreadsheets too. They don’t particularly arouse me, though. It takes a full-on CAS to get me going. Or at least a good set of LA routines like LAPACK.

me neither, josie…

as long as they’re not into WoW or D and D

What’s WoW?

Well, now I’m not able to work either.

What’s WoW?

If you have to ask, you are fortunate enough not to know.

Word of warcraft.

ha. thanks.

I am rendered unable to work right both out of bitterness over pay and out of thoughts of math packages dancing through my head.

Or maybe the post-lunch drowse.

Wait, you weren’t playing the pun angle?

Too easy.

thoughts of math packages dancing through my head

Math packages? Are you sure?

That’s supposed to make me feel good about being the former how?

Your innate decency should ensure an eventual life partner for you, whereas the sweaty mechanic’s appeal will inevitably fade with the passing of years, leaving him loveless and alone.

yes, big bulging sacks of numbers jiggling back and forth in my brain

yes, big bulging sacks of numbers jiggling back and forth in my brain

There’s a Wonder Showzen episode in there somewhere.

Well, what good is a life partner if they’re schtupping the mechanic?

This is why I will allow no cars in my household.

There’s a Wonder Showzen episode in there somewhere.

oh god I hope they let me write it!

This thread is just reminding me more and more about how I’m not getting any…damnit

ahahaha, I just got it.

2-1 odds say you didn’t.

This thread is just reminding me more and more about how I’m not getting any…damnit

Just put up a post-it note. That’s what I do.

This thread is just reminding me more and more about how I’m not getting any…damnit

I know, like I didn’t think about it constantly already. I’m hoping that I cross over to the point soon where I forget how fun sex is and stop caring.

…who am I kidding, my beast never sleeps…

At first I thought this thread would be a snoozer, boy was I wrong!!!

I wonder why no one has mentioned 40+ year old, thick, technical specialists??? Sigh…

the beast sleeps after it feeds

not for long…

Yes!

I love this! Amongst the younger (and/or single) set, we married people often look down at our shoes and sort of demure in light of all of the cool things people who aren’t married with children and a house get to do. But at the end of the day, despite how “settled” and “lame” I might be, I don’t have to sweat such things as who I’m going to bed with and whether or not I’m “attractive to the ladies.”

Don’t get me wrong, I like being “attractive to the lady,” but it’s a much more forgivable scale of criticism.

o rly?

All right, this is starting to be like when Rex and Alexis were always bragging about bonking each other, but never ponied up any videos to prove it.

I’d probably believe that

I mean who *hasn’t* alexis bonked?

yes rly…sigh…

):

That doesn’t make us any less settled and lame, Nateek.

We take up golf and geeky hobbies.

Line from a Jimmy Buffet song:

“They dream about weight loss/Wish they could be their own boss”

Granted Rat, but I’d like to think I’ve got some degree of lameness and settledness monopolized. If I clarify that I’ve got the married life + golf and geeky hobbies, does that count for something?

what turns me on? moonlit walks down nicollet avenue. intense conversation over a mocha at the spyhouse. gazing at the stars sitting on the banks of the st croix. splitting a bottle of merlot on a sunny afternoon at the rose garden.

that, and boobs. mostly just boobs.

…who am I kidding, my beast never sleeps…

Ha!

I mean who *hasn’t* alexis bonked?

Me.

Yeah I guess the real answer here is “liquor and boobs”

Pina coladas.

tbartel, thanks for the sex thread. I never thought we’d get one on here. Jeesh. Proves what I thought: the women of MNSpeak are horndogs. Check – another reason to hit up MNSpeak overly often.

Guys, take note: find a profession that requires you to wear a uniform, and you’ll be fighting the ladies off with your telescoping night stick.

So true! Intelligent men in uniform who can also rock a baseball cap should be added to the list

A pulse is good to. (not necessary, but good)

Did I say that? D’Oh!!!

High end computers and booze. Adn grilled food, perfectly prepared by a cute girl.

Sexy Firemen, like Bonnie.

D’Oh!!!

All right, comedy thief. That’s a direct quote from Homer Simpson, and yet you don’t reference him. HOW DARE YOU?

Max, let it go. It’s only making you look guilty.

the women of MNSpeak are horndogs.

Truer words were never spoken.

Like the men of MNspeak aren’t horndogs?

MNspeak: All Horndogs All The Time.

Alie, I think you meant:

Like the men of _________ aren’t horndogs?

Max, let it go. It’s only making you look guilty.

Consider it let go.

D’Oh!!!
All right, comedy thief. That’s a direct quote from Homer Simpson, and yet you don’t reference him. HOW DARE YOU?

With all due respect to Homer, I had no idea he said that. Consider this his attribution. Sorry Homer!

what? this article has it all wrong
god doesn’t make homosexuals, they are recruited by legions of homosexuals out to destroy the tradition of marriage…
oh wait, nevermind

uniforms, shorter than me, body hair, facial hair, average weight but not like they’ve been smoking meth for 10 years, and other things i can’t mention at the moment.

True dat.

Josie- hahaha! That should be the motto! Who seconds?

Hey, people on MN Speak! Are you all friends in real life, or do you just write like you are?

I wasn’t aware there were intelligent men who could “rock a baseball cap”. If you’re willing to settle for only the latter, I suggest searching University Ave. between, say, 10th Ave. SE and 20 Ave. SE.

“As a married . . . I don’t have to sweat such things as who I’m going to bed with . . . “

Happily, us marrieds can generally answer that “who ya boinkin’?” question with no hesitation.

Sadly, the answer is usually “no one.”

Intelligent men can rock baseball caps (-; And they’re not hanging out at at the frat houses!!

Intelligent men can rock baseball caps (-; And they’re not hanging out at at the frat houses!!

Right, they’re driving UPS trucks. Bend and snap girls…bend and snap.

“Intelligent men can rock baseball caps . . . “

But that same intelligence allows them to understand that they really don’t want to.

Billydwilliams: I think most people here have not met each other… or have met just a couple of people. But we “know” each other, in the Internet sense.

what bobby said

I’ll have you know that “D’Oh” is in the Oxford English Dictionary! A citation should not be required. Excellent!

Yeah, we tried coming up with a word for that, but it never worked out.

Jessica, it’s too bad you don’t qualify to be in my MySpace friends. You’d make a great addition. Here’s to hoping A-Rod decides against a massive homerun tonight.

Jessica, it’s too bad you don’t qualify to be in my MySpace friends. You’d make a great addition. Here’s to hoping A-Rod decides against a massive homerun tonight

What qualifications do I not meet Kwatt??

So far we have managed to silence A-Rod’s bat. I’m hoping it continues!

And Jessica: I’m no myspace snob. You’re totally added. (Kevin has a bizarre list of qualificiations to make his page… which he completely fudged so he could add Ingrid. He needed a really good looking woman in his group.)

No one’s friending me on MySpace. Sniff.

(Well, Ingrid. Who I went to high school with. So I don’t think that counts. And Wayne, but he’s like Captain of the Internet. And my other eighty friends. But still, I definitely don’t feel like a cool kid if DeRusha is leaving me out.)

Of course, I could find you guys on MySpace on my own, but did I mention friend requests turn me on?

Personally, I like intelligent women. Bona-fide intelligent. A good smile and whatnot as well. Sense of humor is important as well, because I’m a goofball. Also I like a woman that is either interested or willing to become interested in some things that I enjoy, like cars, working on cars, etc…

For the nerds:
Sadly, Women are hard wired to like the “bad boy” types, really. A lot of nerds like myself can’t get over that. A good strategy is to elaborate on an interest, get some confidence in that area, and exploit it. Even the most hardcorest nerds can try this, there’s women at Star Trek and WoW conventions and the like, too. Just maintain some semblance of personal hygene, keep your chin up, don’t act like a pathetic nerd. Strike up conversations! You’ll get laid in no time. It’s not hard to become the confident guy, especially in a new social group….

Seriously, there’s nothing most nerds would like more than to be sexually objectified, if not just only once. Ladies, you should give it a shot some time. Make a nerd’s day!

I don’t really get myspace. What’s all the hype?

Also, sorry ladies. I’m taken!

Girls named Josie.

True.

I did not “fudge” anything to add Ingrid, nor did I fudge anything to add Amber. Anyone who thinks they might qualify is free to make an official request.

Josie: You’re added. I’m so sorry for not seeking you out and adding you in the past. My MySpace couldn’t be easier to find.

Anyone who thinks they might qualify is free to make an official request.

What’s your MySpace URL? I’ll make an official request and see if I make the cut!

Girls named Josie.

True.

Fantastic!

Let’s all throw ourselves at Kevin on MySpace and see who makes the cut.

And Jason, I have never felt as special as I do at this moment.

Jessica,
You have an impressive MySpace. Very impressive. I am strongly considering expanding the membership criteria to include you. LOST is on right now, so I’ll have more time to think later.

Jason, you rock! Thanks for friending me, even if I do work for your competition (-;

Good call, Josie. I just tried to be added… although I know I don’t meet the criteria. And Jessica: I love the competition!

I have a sinking feeling I’m going to be rejected, as I have LOST on in the other room but am not paying attention to it in order to obsessively update my goodreads.com profile.

But you don’t get what you don’t ask for!

I get the impression that at any moment, mnspeak is going to break down into a gigantic orgy.

I’m totally turned on by nerds, so I married one.

(Lucky for me that he appreciates dirty construction-worker types.)

Hasn’t that been MNspeak’s goal all along?

Wow, tough break that you’re taken, caryc. I’m so tiiiiiiired of guys insisting that girls are hard-wired to go for the “bad boys”. No, we just simply prefer not to have to be ones to initiate the sweet lovin’ ALL the time. But nerds just kept using the “bad boy” thing as an excuse for why they never initiate anything. Nerds have balls, too…maybe it’s time they start using ‘em.

Yeah, I passed Kevin’s exclusive test. He probably knew he didn’t have a choice. I’m pretty good at wearing people down. Like one of my guys friends told a girl he was digging, “You’re either gonna go on a date with me or file a restraining order against me.” Worked for him.

Works for me.

Josie…I think you will make the cut for Kevin’s myspace. You’re awesome! I made the the cut because I went to school in Iowa.

Lost was great tonight.

I am aglow in the love of MNspeak!

What I overheard of Lost was good…

This thread has spiraled out of control! Now I have to try to look cool to go to a party that I’m not nearly cool enough to be at.

I totally agree with Amber about the nerds.

Are you going to Voltage Jason?

I am indeed. All by my lonesome. My 10pm producer wingman is doing the morning show this week… You?

I wish I was going to Voltage. I just got back from a business trip and I am totally exhausted. So lame.

Can we expect a Voltage video blog?

I echo what Amber and Ingrid say about the nerds…

Jason and Josie have made the cut. Jessica will receive her invite soon. I must say after reading your very impressive (very) profile I’m considering breaking off my engagement with Amber. MySpace is kind of a dick to Mac users, so it’s taking longer than I’d like. Be patient.

LOST was A-W-E-S-O-M-E tonight. I think we’re in for a wild ride the rest of the season.

Remember that I can never meet Wayne or Bob, so keep that in mind when sending out invites for the orgy. Them or me.

Ha. I should bring a video camera. Good idea.

Oh. My. God. I can’t believe I made the cut! Sweet!

I made the cut too. For real!

Y’all are filthy pervs Is is wrong that I want nothing to do with Myspace?

Skinny guys with thick necks. Why? I have no idea. It weirds me out.

Nerds don’t have confidence because people shun them in their youth and girls didn’t pay any attention in the first place.

I’m not saying that it’s the females’ fault at all, what I’m saying is that nerds need to buck up as adults and stick their necks out, so in a way I’m concurring with you, amber.

Amber is an admitted nerd teaser.

I won! I won! I’m special!!

the women of MNSpeak are horndogs

Not that there’s anything wrong with it….

they are recruited by legions of homosexuals

You should see my toaster collection!

Thought I’d throw in for the sex over 50 crowd – I still think about those little nurses uniforms they used to wear… but I can’t remember why…

Knee socks, bi-curiosity.

I mean who *hasn’t* alexis bonked?

Who hasn’t Rex boinked?

wait what kind of weird myspace orgy is going on here?

I think I’m already friends with molly and josie, though!

Hm, I only hookup with bloggers and media celebs, so…. I’m looking at you, Kate Parry. (Or wait, is that you, Steve Marsh?)

I mean who *hasn’t* alexis bonked?

Oh, come on now. Publicly, I’ve mentioned three, maybe four people I’ve slept with, and it’s usually for referential purposes. Of course, there’s one I’m just downright proud of, so that comes up more often than the others.

On that note, attractive people who can converse for hours on the topic of New Star Trek turn me on. White guys who come from strict Catholic and/or religious cult families and/or have disturbingly submissive relationships with their mothers. Mixed Asians and Latinos. Black guys with Cockney accents. Aveda cologne for men (I love almost any cologne on a guy, actually) and Axe Shower Gel in “Kilo.”

I went through the rock star phase, but I’m over it now. I just consider it a rite of passage for twenty-something women.

Weird, I’m into the exact same things.

I have no idea why I’d want to set the record straight on this but: Alexis and I dated before before MNspeak existed (for approximately eight months). Now we just send each other dirty texts. She’s much better at it than me, though.

I really admire her, but I’d only say that publicly at the bottom of a two-day-old thread with 165 comments on it.

Zip it over there.

(Also, you forgot to mention how good the booty was during those eight months.)

You two shouldn’t be posting at 2 in the morning. Although, in Rex’s defense, his post was closer to midnight Seattle time.

the new star trek … enterprise?

ha!

TNG 4 lyfe