Secrets of the City

In a change from the last two years of being in the process of breaking up with my girlfriend (same girl, 1st and 3rd breakups respectively), I’m going to go back to being indifferent. This shit is as bad as Xmas.

Actually I’ll be having dinner out and then going to rehearsal with my choir peeps.

Get some nice massage oil, give her a long massage. When you’re done, hand over a gift certificate for a professional one. It costs about the same as a dinner or a dozen roses (at least this week), makes her feel good, will make her feel good again later, and paints you as sensitive to her need for relaxation.

If you don’t have anyone to buy a massage gift certificate for, you can send it to me.

Sorta related: I had a v-day dinner reservation at chamber’s I no longer needed and called them to release the slot. I wonder if I could’ve gotten cash for it on craig’s list. Do people scalp high-dollar dinner reservations for high-expectation days?

I had a v-day dinner reservation at chamber’s I no longer needed and called them to release the slot. I wonder if I could’ve gotten cash for it on craig’s list. Do people scalp high-dollar dinner reservations for high-expectation days?

It would be worth a try. Popular restaurants in bigger cities (esp. NYC) take your CC info when you make a reservation and depending on the establishment they’ll charge you for cancelling with less than 72 hours notice….that would never sell here (except maybe @ Manny’s on Sat nights)

Chambers took my CC and phone number when I made a reservation there. I had to back out, but I told them to keep my CC info and charge the meal to my card for the person who went in my place. They screwed that up. In retaliation, I am not going out anywhere on Hallmark’s Day.

“Something ethnic” and a rock show? Grow up, kids.

Here’s the real dope.

Oh shut up, Steve. Hand over your girlfriend’s phone number so I can call her up and ask whether she’d prefer my ideal V-Day or yours.

this is a stupid holiday for stupid happy people with someone to be stupid with.

You could always whip up some bacon-wrapped sea scallops at home for your sweetie…

Round it out with some wine and truffles from Chocolate Celeste and you’re good to go, I’d say.

You shut up, Alexis. Why would my girlfriend want to go to a Turf Club show that happened a year ago? Would anybody really want to take a Time Machine back to 2006 to see Sic Bay?

Marsh + Alexis = TLA…where are you 2 going for dinner Wed nite???

Heh. Slap him again, Alexis.

I’m just doing some nice wine and desert (the heart association benefit one from Lunds) with dinner at home.

wait, does alexis’s ideal V-Day involve anal?

if so, sign me up, btw

Sorry, my 2007 New Year’s resolution was no more anal.

Oh, I suppose you could smoke at that Sic Bay show.

Steve, you were supposed to follow the asterisk to my suggested shows of 2007, but I guess your attention span problem prevented you from finishing the entry.

you just crushed my hopes and dreams in one fell swoop!

except that everyone reneges on their resolutions! high-fives all around! when do I pick you up?

I’m actually working Wednesday night, then going out for drinks with friends. But you’re right, everyone does renege.

Er, anyone for a truffle?

K.

Nevermind.

I heard steve has trouble finishing other things early too.

nevermind, then, when do you get home from the bar already tanked? (thus saving me plenty of cash)

My New Year’s Resolution is to get the wcco.com search engine to work properly, so I can repost items from a year ago.

snerk…

Am I not the most romantic anonymous troll of 2007?

valentine’s bites. it’s just a bunch of consumerism b.s.

bud jr has so been bested. say hello to the alphanonymous male!

I’m actually working Wednesday night, then going out for drinks with friends.

Would those happen to be the ones who answered the anal question in the affirmative…because I know some MNSpeakers who might buy a few rounds fer ya.

Remember when you were a kid, though… Valentine’s Day was so cool. You’d get those little valentine’s from every kid in your class… even the kids who were mean, or were too cool to acknowledge you. You’d get those boxes of candy hearts. It was a sweet day.

People just put too much pressure on about it. We should all just give someone one of those grade school Valentine’s cards.

God, this is so syrupy sickeningly sweet, I can’t believe I’m actually being sincere here.

Maybe I would finish your columns if you didn’t just cut and paste last year’s shit. I mean, an asterisk? Why not just put in this year’s show at the Turf Club? Just laying there while the reader does all the work isn’t very romantic, Al.

Anal is overrated. Ear canals however — roooof!

I heard Derusha’s wife is reading his posts on MNSpeak.

Candy Hearts have grown up.

DeRush, I’d agree in that I think couples just get too stressed out over it and forget how much fun it can be, like people that get stressed out over Christmas.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentines_day

geoff… I’ll get back to you.

We’re gonna have to mock you for that, Jason.

Why don’t you 2 girls take it to email?

Sometimes I like to just lay there. Some readers don’t mind doing a little work once in a while.

Why don’t you make another 11 stemming the rose jokes, gscrote? We get it: “I have some buddies that like ass fuckin’, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

Jesus. Another repressed hockey player.

Speaking Klingon is work enough.

ok, I guess it can be fun. But only w/o the consumerism crap minus, maybe, a grade school-style Valentine’s Day card.

Another reason why our end-of-the season Chasing Windmills party is going to be so awkward. Thanks, Steve and Alexis!

Sometimes I like to just lay there.

For a second, I thought my wife wasn’t just reading my comments.. I thought she was posting.

jeez…discuss sex one time with the guy’s fag-hag and he goes all freudian.

Wait… Steve’s gay?

That’s better. Now you’re back to flirting with me.

Excuse me, bitch, I was talking to gscrote. Go buy yourself a drink or something.

I’m really confused now.

yes, steve, we’ve all missed you…but like a herpes outbreak you keep coming back.

I could do with a drink, though. Drink of the week on Bottle Gang is the sazerac. Sure would be tasty right now.

Feel the love people, feel the love.

My herpes outbreak keeps coming back too.

gscrote

Heh!

Funny, geoff’s not the first person to associate Steve Marsh and STIs.

I named it “Alexis.”

The Bizzaro stevemarsh is back again too.

Is it just me or does it seem like all ’scrote talks about these days is herpes and anal sex?

If by “these days” you mean “in the last 2 posts” you’ve totally got me. And to think they said you couldn’t do investigative journalism.

I’ve really just got a little man crush on you, scrote. I’m definitely thinknig about your scrotum right now, too.

Hee. I suspect that was Bizarro Steve.

I’m thinking about your scrotum too. Maybe that’s why you’re being so defensive about all of your anal sex posts.

dude…you need to take your writ(h)ing back to Craigslist. that’s really enough.

Grote’s name is now officially permanently ruined.

m4m, mnspeak posted wanted for kinky play

Must know how to perform the Nasty Newsman and have own set of nipple clamps.

this is in or around – my anus
it’s totally ok to email this posted about gay porn and wire fraud
this posting was sent into space in case there are any hot gay aliens interested

Now you’re all uncomfortable, ’scrote? Why? One minute you’re all about anal and the next minute you’re Mr. Macho media critic.

poster
posted
postes

My romantic, sweet, Valentine’s Memory has been ruined.

Sorry, my 2007 New Year’s resolution was no more anal.

I can help you break that.

YO, YO AIN’T NUTHIN’ FOO! THE MARSHMAN KNOWS THE REAL SCOOP ON ALEXIS’S BUTTHOLE!

Steve, leave poor gscrote alone. You’re the one who walked away. We’re happy with our new bonny prince of mnspeak. He’s funny!

Really what I’ve been trying to say with my thinly-veiled complaints is that sex with my wife isn’t very good anymore. She also hasn’t given head since the baby was born.

kids, let this be a lesson. Marsh is not a role model. Bolivian Marching Powder for breakfast @ 3 in the afternoon is a bad idea.

Alexis comes back and all we can talk about is her butthole.

That’s it.

I’m taking my truffles and getting the hell outta here!

Guys, leave me alone. I’m still sore from the last fifteen nights!

The only reason y’all are so obsessed with anal is because you haven’t tried it. Trust me. It’s not all that.

I couldn’t sit down for a week.

this has really gone sour. worse than the worse valentine’s day

Such a waffler, The ‘Scrote. An hour ago he’s nudging us in the ribs like one of the boys–”she likes it up the ass, if you get my meanin’”–and now he’s a retentive Puritan. Weird.

Max…your annual check-ups are not any of our business.

For the record, I have never stated to Geoff that I like it up the ass.

Damn, I thought I had registered “Jason DeRusha, Newsman of the CENTURY”.

Also for the record, I have never asked.
Also for the record, Marsh…if you want to read the post all I never made that allusion in this thread or any other.

Come on, ladies, there’s no better way to show him you love him than to clean out your colon with a nice refreshing enema and then present yourself to him for that forbidden penetration!

I am a really nice guy, though. No jokes here.

Whatever, dude. It’s your fixation, not mine. I’m cool with it.

mnspeak is just fixated on: dissing other local media outlets, arguing about grocery stores and politics, and gay sex dungeons

Wow, you said it, Mr. Yeah. That really sums it all up. I can probably go on hiatus for another couple months again now.

Okay, y’all. It’s been real. Lemme know if the scrote starts getting too goat-y again in the future. I’ll regulate. This forum is too important to continue getting constantly interrupted by his lame locker room “backdoor man” allusions. I’ll come back and regulate. Just flash the batsignal or something (and no, scrote, that’s not an allusion to gay sex).

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I can’t let Marsh get in the last word for the commenting day. This is my take:

Grote wants Alexis (who doesn’t?),
Marsh wants Grote,
Jason’s in trouble at home,
and I want to know where Alexis will be drinking on V day.

Did I miss anything?

Yes, I love the sophmoric humor.

Last week we had Konspiracy Kunt, now today we get scrote, but may I suggest a spelling of s crote ?

The best I could ever come up with was twatt, when Kevin was being an ass.

Huh? When did Alexis leave?

Pretty close, MT. But one more thing, it’s “scrote,” not “grote.” Okay? Are we good here? Because Alexis and I are meeting scrote for drinks at Saloon. Hold on, Alexis, I have to shave! God.

Ciao.

Heh, I was responsible for the twatt one too. I’m all over this trolling thing, guys.

I’d also like to follow alexis home on vday, badda-bow!

Not really, that’s too creepy for even me.

I’m on my way to the saloon right now.

I’m on my way to the mall. Have fun without me, guys.

And I’ll be at Temple at 10pm on Wednesday, but where I end up at 3am on Thursday is anybody’s guess.

And I’ll be at shul. Davening, of course, and maybe reading some Midrash.

The best I could ever come up with was twatt, when Kevin was being an ass.

Yeah, and that’s not exactly original.

I’d also like to follow alexis home on vday, badda-bow!

Not really, that’s too creepy for even me.

Not for me.

I don’t know what davening and reading Midrash entail, but I bet it’s less painful than some of the other suggestions on here…

Anyone know if Ry4an is cute? Sounds like he’s available, capable of planning ahead, and has good taste. Sign me up!

This isn’t really that hard. It’s about how you do it, not what you do.
Give your SO (Significant Other) a card with your real feelings. Don’t be overly cheesy. If you need to go ahead and quote Shakespeare or whatever.
If it’s about WHAT you give, then it’s a problem. It should be how you give it.
That and stop trying to make her put out.
Oh, and if you really need an idea: Have a friend dress up as a homeless guy. Buy some flowers off of him or her and make sure there’s a note in it. When your SO reads the note, it should say, “Turn around.” When he or she turns, make sure you have something else (hey, you know your SO I don’t).
The end.

Step 1: Cut a hole in a box.

Wednesday evening I will be at home! Alone!

^ and masturbating furiously!

hey! ):

Step 1: Cut a hole in a box.

Bwaha!

I cannot believe I just scrolled all the way down, and read all these retarded comments. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Can anyone recommend a good spa that does deep tissue massage?

Flesh and the Devil is playing at the Heights, with live organ accompaniment. Don’t tell Courtney, though; I think I will try to surprise her by taking her.

late, SPOT.

My wife’s overloaded this week, so we’re postponing our v-day celebration. Anyone want to assume my cosmo’s reservation for 6:30 tomorrow? If I don’t hear from anyone by email today I’ll call them and release it into the wild. ry4an-mnspeak1 at ry4an d0t org.

Thanks, alexis.

Although I didn’t ask, here’s another thanks. I finally have that gift taken care of.

A card full of cash.

It’s the best Valentine’s Day gift ever. It’s romantic, practical, and best of all, it’s full of cash.

Oh, and Alexis, don’t think I didn’t notice that you totally stole my New Year’s Resolution. You might have changed it up a bit, but stealing’s stealing. However, since mine has kept me in good stead so far, I wish only the same for you. It’s almost as good as my “I have minor lockjaw” standard excuse (followed by two or three teeth clamps for emphasis).

Amber resolved to get tetanus?

Aw, grote. You are hee-larious.

But to answer your question, no. My New Years Resolution was “No Blow Jobs in 2007″. I felt it was a resolution I could really stand behind, being that I hate sucking dick and all.

I weep for the future of wieners.

Technically, I didn’t start my resolution until January 15th, but whatever, I think we can still bond over this. The Man Ban was so 2006… let’s see how long we can stave off sodomy!

I weep for the future of buttholes.

so how did this end? Who’s giving alexis anal?

Check back tomorrow.

mnspeak is waiting with bated breath for the full post-game analysis of alexis’s butthole

you talk a lot of shit for a furry little guy who doesn’t leave his apartment.

furry? little? no and no, but I mostly don’t leave my apartment. that part is true.