Secrets of the City

Tell me that’s a joke, Matt.

Ummm…wow. No, seriously. This is a joke, right? A cruel, cruel joke?

either way, it’s hilarious!

Wow. You guys at CP are in trouble.

This guy has Corporate Weasel written all over him.

Start the Irish Wake, City Pages is DEAD.

It is hilarious. But, um, wow oh wow oh wow if it’s real. Seriously. Something tells me it’s fake, since he didn’t try throw in Village Voice Media after every answer. E.g, “MOA? Speaking of acronyms… I am the new editor of City Pages, a VVM paper.”

and I meant it “try TO” throw in Village Voice Media as often as he could. VVM! VVM! VVM! It will be the new Monday morning-meeting battle cry, just like the cheers they used to do every day at…Wal-Mart.

Funny.

Hey, who’s starting the CP death pool on this guy? I’m guessing 9 months.

this guy is up against a lot when he arrives in our fair city next week.
good luck, pal. i think you might need it.

Being this post is about the Bartel Cartel giving a serious jab on some young out-of-touch and out-of-town guy taking over an editorial role of a major arts and entertainment publication, I have to take on his defense and remind that it is rather reminiscent of what happened when a college student in Northfield that was comparatively out-of-touch with the local arts, music, culture and internet scene took over this site.

hmm, s4xton, I believe I had the exact same thought

i.e.

“By the way, anyone know any good web designers? Tell them to email me at mnspeak@gmail.com if you do.

»» Submitted by »»» matt at 12:51 AM on January 26″

Gee, s4xton, maybe Matt should get a myspace page so he can be in touch, too. Then he could get drunk in northeast every night and have sex with Alexis.

Is that really Kevin Hoffman in that photo, or did Bonnie Bleskachek dye her hair red for her commitment ceremony?

Regarding Rex’s 9 months, Mr. Oddsmaker I would like to lay $100 on the under.

Regarding s4xton and spaceman…how dare you impugn matt’s journalistic integrity…do you really think he would take a short-cut-cheap-shot like that? Yeah, me too. But it does sound like maybe s4xton is just angling for a position @ THE NEW CITY PAGES.

shit, if that’s all it takes, sign me up

And because the Bartel Cartel proudly wants to be a part of “citizen journalism,” I should point out the unethical and not-very-journalistic tactic regarding the Michigan-Ohio-Minnesota distance quote:

This post on MNspeak, dated January 26, 2007, points to a url where Chuck Terhark two days ago posted a comment about Minnesota being farther away than Ohio. In the very next comment, Kevin Hoffman himself says:

Just to clear up that Michigan bit: I told the Strib reporter that my wife wanted to stay in the Midwest, near her family in Michigan, as opposed to moving to one of the coasts or down south, where many of VVM’s papers are located.

Best, Kevin Hoffman

Yet, The Bartel Cartel intentionally chose to ignore this clarification of facts and rip on him further.

…and don’t come back and tell me that this is all sarcastic. It’s not sarcasm. It’s just trying to make a cheap blow. This is the exact same kind of thing that MDE and a few other unethical bloggers do.

Unlike Chuck Terhark, who’s angling for a position in the unemployment line.

That’s investigative journalism, Bartel-style. After this post touting MNSpeak’s agenda-setting reporting (er, they link to existing media stories, so who’s the agenda setter?), I had to laugh at Matt’s gotcha tone here. Stick it to ‘em, cub!

I say 6 months and that’s not based on the whole Michigan/Midwest-confusion-thing-that-turned-out-to-be-nothing thing.

In a somewhat related note.

Is that really a picture of the new editor or just some photo you pulled from the web? If the City Pages staff is anything like the Star Tribune staffer quoted in this week’s story on the newspaper’s sale (which I expect it is, if not more so) this guy is in for a world of hurt.

Just thought I would see some of the stuff Mr Hoffman has written.

Here is a link all of his Scene pieces.

For the most part from just perusing the blurbs they seem a tad sensationalist.

I fear he doesn’t realize how insular and unwelcoming the Twin Cities are to anyone that wasn’t born here.

s4xton, to clarify, I hadn’t seen the Terhark comments before I posted my thing. The rest of what I have to say on the matter has just been posted on my blog.

What I can add, though, is that the guy better learn to take some ribbing, or he won’t have the standing to dish any of it out.

I just hope that no one’s suggesting that having a MySpace page makes this man any less of a journalist. I wonder what they’d write about my Facebook account. Because you won’t find a more serious journ…. who am I kidding?

Anyway, I just feel bad that this guy only has 36 friends. I’m gonna add him right now.

I love satire.

He looks like someone you know you’d want to beat up if you saw him at the bar. He’d better hope he doesn’t drink.

good call, jderusha: here in Minnesota, feeling bad for someone is the best way to be their friend.

Hey all. Some very funny stuff here. In case anybody didn’t get the joke, no, I was not actually interviewed for this satire; the author just made up the silly answers as a parody.

Best,
Kevin Hoffman

Kevin: Welcome to MNSpeak… and Minnesota. Cool of you to comment here.

Yeah…just don’t go all Nick Coleman or James Lilleks on us.

who’s starting the CP death pool on this guy? I’m guessing 9 months.

Funny, we did the same thing for you and Seattle. I had $50 saying that you wouldn’t get on your first flight. Chuck had $75 saying you’d have a nervous breakdown and become a “Blue Shirt” in the media section.

Jason, what hot MySpace friends you have!

Hey all. Some very funny stuff here. In case anybody didn’t get the joke, no, I was not actually interviewed for this satire; the author just made up the silly answers as a parody.

Best,
Kevin Hoffman

Thou dost protest too much…

I fear he doesn’t realize how insular and unwelcoming the Twin Cities are to anyone that wasn’t born here.

I can vouch for this!

Also can someone tell me what the Lilleks story is? I’ve browsed his webpage, but spent most of my time on his section about urban architecture in the cities. What does everyone hate him so much for? His smarmy little column at the strib? Or what?

I’m going to add the derushinat0r on myspace when I get home. I hope he accepts me!

Are we going to put together a welcome basket for him? (and when I say welcome basket, I mean a case of Premium Grain Belt)

Let’s get him smashed under the hennepin ave bridge by the grain belt sign!

Don’t worry, no new stories about drunken kids wandering into the river, though!

When you pull up that URL of his articles — at least the most recent 20 of them — he mentioned someone’s name in the first sentence nine of the 20 times, and in four of those 20 stories, the persons’ name is the very first two words of the piece.

So I’ve a feeling we’re in for some more of that great (that’s sarcasm) formulaic writing VVM is known for. We’d appreciate a little substance with that flash, though….

I’ve browsed his webpage, but spent most of my time on his section about urban architecture in the cities. What does everyone hate him so much for? His smarmy little column at the strib? Or what?

Well, Lileks is quite staunchly — some might say too staunchly — Republican, sticking to the pure party line even through the toughest and weirdest times. So while on the one hand he’s one of the funniest and most insightful humorists we have, on the other his political opinionations tend to get most folks into quite a lather, myself included on occasion. Many’s the time I’ve ended a “Bleat” column on his site with teeth gritted and face red.

He *does* however rightly appreciate certain unbeloved architectural relics of the old age, enjoys accumulating and examining antique sundries of many sorts that most would ignore or cast aside, has a righteous appreciation for sci-fi geekery, and has three (3) books that send me into doubled-over paroxysms of laughter, so if you find you can balance that with some questionable politics, and I can, then maybe your milage will vary.

I just need to know who to harass to get my overdue check from City Pages.

I fear he doesn’t realize how insular and unwelcoming the Twin Cities are to anyone that wasn’t born here.

Oh, and yeah, that’s totally true. And completely and utterly unfair and stupid.

As of now the guy’s done precisesly zero, and yet an entire thread has sprung up to screw him into the ground purely by dint of him being a stranger to these here parts.

Plah. How’s about we give him a chance to do his job before, y’know, tearing him to shreds?

Don’t tell Tom, but I hadn’t read this blog yet. My reaction to the “Michigan is closer to Ohio” thing was “Oh. She must be from the U.P. Good people.”

Given that Chuck T. helps create alot of the stuff that actually happens in this city, Kevin would be wise to keep him on the staff. That young man is going places.

oh so basically the only flaw in lilleks is his politics?
I can probably deal with that, since my dad is pretty staunchly and inexplicably repubilcan too.

To paraphrase Judge Roy Bean, “we’ll give him a fair trial and then we’ll hang him.”

I fear he doesn’t realize how insular and unwelcoming the Twin Cities are to anyone that wasn’t born here.

Well I wrote this as a born and bred “cities” dweller. I’m not bashing him I’m just wishing him the best of luck. The first mispronunciation of Nicollet or Lac Qui Parle and the Minnesota Nice will start flowing like the lava from Mt Kilauea.

I hope he has time to peruse the Moving to MN threads. We really don’t want to go there again. Ok I’m done linking for now.

Based on a brief webstalk, she’s from the greater Grand Rapids, MI area…Amway Land, Home of the Dutch American Mafia

Ah, this is witty stuff. And the sanctimony goes down like Champagne. Congratulations to the defenders of journalism, or is it provincialism?

City Pages is a fine alternative weekly. NT/VVM is a solid company that is not known for pandering or hiring hacks. Whether the ideological CP crew will fit well with the new editor’s probably more eclectic mantra is anybody’s guess. (I doubt there are a lot of Howard Stern fans at CP.) But maybe the outcome of all this is a different, but equally meaningful useful rag. God knows, enterprise journalism remains in short supply in this town.

Steve Perry was the new kid in town some month, long ago. Give this poor Hoffman guy a break.

Death pools were better when Rex was here.

T – I have an artist friend who says Lileks doesn’t know shit about architecture. I don’t like him because he seems like a rather pointless individual.

I have an artist friend who says Lileks doesn’t know shit about architecture.

Well, I dunno, I am an artist friend, and while he may not know a lot TECHNICALLY about it — I’m sure he probably can’t draw an elevation or mess around with CAD or whatever (and I’m just throwing those terms out randomly, I can’t either!) — he definitely knows what he likes, and the stuff he tends to dig jibes with my own taste as well, so either he and I both lack taste or we’re smarter than everybody else.

One doesn’t have to “know” about something to appreciate it or even to write about it. I don’t have a degree in music, for example, but I rather enjoy the stuff.

I don’t like him because he seems like a rather pointless individual.

Not to sound like a hippy, but nobody’s a pointless individual. He writes funny stuff that makes people laugh. I’d say that’s a pretty good point to his existence.

he’s one of the funniest and most insightful humorists we have

If belittling Cheescake Factory employees and recounting trips to Target is humor, he’s the best!

fookin hippy.

It would speak that City Pages is not the only VVM publication who lost an editor this week:

OC Weekly’s Will Swaim explains his exit

The paper’s founding editor, who resigned yesterday, tells the LAT it was about Village Voice Media’s new overseers: “I just couldn’t do the job anymore. There were philosophical differences on how to run the paper. They run a very complicated organization and want to have standardization across all 18 markets. I don’t argue whether it’s dumb or wrong. It’s just not my way.”

Founding editor of OC Weekly resigns

c/speak/seem

Hey all. Some very funny stuff here. In case anybody didn’t get the joke, no, I was not actually interviewed for this satire; the author just made up the silly answers as a parody.

Well that question about parking during snow emergencies was a trick question anyway. The first night of a snow emergency it doesn’t matter whether you park on the odd or the even side of the street. You just can’t park on a snow emergency route.

They run a very complicated organization and want to have standardization across all 18 markets.

The WalMartization of the “Alternative” media, Exhibit A

If belittling Cheescake Factory employees and recounting trips to Target is humor, he’s the best!

Read his books, then, have you, Mr. —?

If you fail to laugh at “Mommy Knows Worst,” then you have a serious humor deficiency and need an infusion of clue, stat.

What I can add, though, is that the guy better learn to take some ribbing, or he won’t have the standing to dish any of it out.

Is he ‘avin a laugh? Is he ‘avin a laugh?

I wouldn’t say he’s clueless about architecture. As was said above, he may not be technically proficient, but he certainly understands enough to talk about it. You don’t have to BE an architect to talk about architecture, you know! Especially if you’re examining it as it relates to culture, city life or anything like that. I’m sure architects nowdays want to keep it as a cloistered clusterfuck where they can live out their egotistical fountainhead-inspired fantasies, but the reality of it is that the built environment has an impact on everyone, not just the douchey architects that design it. I think your attitude (kevin) is how we get stuck with atrocities like the melting pile of garbage by ghery at the U. “Oh, well the architects and professional architecture critics say he’s really good … I don’t really understand it, but they must know best, so we’ll pay him a gazillion dollars to crap out a building that looks like ass, because we really want to impress those art critics!”

I’m sure architects nowdays want to keep it as a cloistered clusterfuck where they can live out their egotistical fountainhead-inspired fantasies, but the reality of it is that the built environment has an impact on everyone, not just the douchey architects that design it.

Right on, I completely agree with you! I…

I think your attitude (kevin) is how we get stuck with atrocities like the melting pile of garbage by ghery at the U.

Oh. See, I like that Gehry. That’s the one place Lileks and I diverge. Now, if you want to talk about the giant puke-blue-and-hideous-yellow Ikea store that is the new Guthrie, I could get my dander good ‘n’ up.

“Postcard views” my arse!

Re: moving to Minnesota, I’m a transplant (three years ago) and was talking with another transplant friend a couple of years ago who summed it up fairly well. “People who are from here will say, ‘Hey! You should come over for dinner sometime!’ But then they never invite you.” I was warned about that kind of thing during my job interview prior to moving here, and decided to take the chance anyway. Glad I did.

I like the Art Museum too, Jonny.

We hate Lileks because he posts here.

Wait. We hate Lileks? I’m not mad for his Strib columns, but his books and parts of his Web page are superb.

Wow, a bad geography joke is all it takes to get TB praising my cojones? Have you heard the one about how Florida looks like a penis?

Yes, it took me until 11 am to come up with that.

You’ve probably heard a lot of bad things about families come first, but newspaper writers are a bunch of jerks. Who really opposes families come first? Many childless advocates are like Ben Affleck. Famous, successful people from – OUT OF STATE.

Are we really complaining about Matt’s 7QQ joke? As ribbings go, it’s quite mild.

Let me point this post out from the banners post:

I’m in the mood for change, too. Please send me photos that would make me enjoy the website my dad bought for me a little more than I am currently enjoying it. God knows I’m not going to actually contribute anything novel to this thing. Isn’t that what, um, what’s it called, user-generated content is all about? Thanks. You guys rock or whatever.

Matt got, and gets, much worse than he gives.

The Matt-bashing was better when stevemarsh was here.

Don’t be too harsh on Little Bartel’s 7QQ humor. It’s one of the only things he has done that has shown any initiative since dad bought the site. True, it’s all in service of the Cartel, but that’s just being a good little soldier.

I for one find it rather telling that at 30 he’ll be among the youngest in the CP newsroom. Maybe some youth will make CP a little more vital and less predictable.

if that paragraph you just cited weren’t so spot-on, I doubt there would be an issue.

Maybe he’ll be more pro-family, pro-law enforcement and pro-religion.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Oh, Max. Are we playing too rough? Matty can’t give as good as he gets because he’s incapable of giving. Just like daddy! It’s hard to make fun when you’re humorless. You can’t teach a flatulently self-important, tone deaf dog new tricks, in this case, even if it’s a new dog.

Maybe you’ll be less of a pro-lapsed rectum, but I doubt it.

OK, the last question is obviously a trick question – where’s he parked, St. Paul or Minneapolis?

And as for the TC’s being unwelcoming and not inviting your sorry ass over for dinner, well we just had a recently transplanted couple over for dinner. It was lovely and then we had a four-way.

OK, the last parts a lie, but it was a lovely dinner.

We’re having another “transplant” couple over for a slide show next week. I mean, how retro is that!

I’m arriving a little late to this party, but Kevin is right. I should have just left out the Michigan part (he gave a fairly long explanation) and simply written that one of the reasons he wanted to come to CP is that his wife wanted to stay close to family in the Midwest. Who knew a sloppily truncated sentence would generate so much business for MNSpeak? And, as for my “stab” at him today, he and I were both laughing about it when I called him Wednesday. He does have a sense of humor. Give the new guy a break.

Whoops. Didn’t realize I was prodding that Steve Marsh rattlesnake.

Sloppy truncation is what makes MNSpeak! I thought Kevin was cool about it all– when he commented here. I think we all miss the satire that Slanderous Minneapolis brought to town… props to Matt for trying to bring the funny.

Where’s Caulfield?

“trying” being the operative…whazzat?

Is he ‘avin a laugh?

This whole thing is funny. Unintentionally, of course. The Bartels newborn obsession with the “one of us” paradigm is kind of the obverse of Hillary in a Yankees hat. At least The Hoff will know what to expect from the smugest publishing family in town.

The street signs in Minneapolis are coded for snow emergencies.

see, that’s the other thing. Sometimes transplants do get invited to dinner, but you have to be a couple. There’s no love for single folk over 20 in Minnesota.

Sorry, I meant, “smuggliest.” The smuggliest family in town.

also, what is it about this place that gets local media people’s undies all twisted?

wayne, agreed on that. There are a couple of groups (meetin.org and twincitiestransplants.com) that I checked out when I moved here. Nice people, but most of the attendees at events reminded me of the guys in the corner at the frat house in Animal House…”Well you guys should have lots to talk about then, shouldn’t you?

The banners.

damn marsh.

looks like you are off the Bartel xmas card list

Are other cities more welcoming? How? Why? Does Seattle take newbies on a tour of the city? Does Houston sponsor meet-n-greets?

This whole Twin Cities being unwelcoming seems like it is predicated on who you work with, live by, sit next to on the bus, etc. Can a whole city be more welcoming?

Can a whole city be more welcoming?

I think the unwelcomeness in the cities is a mixture of Scandinavian reticence, seeing too many people move here to rehab and having to listen to people bitch about how they hate it here and where they came from was sooooo much cooler, nicer, warmer, more friendly.

no, other cities are just more honestly unwelcoming. minneapolis tries to go ‘oh we’re so nice, dontchaknow!’ and then totally fakes you out by being just as standoffish and unfriendly as other places. Sometimes it almost seems like people are *more* standoffish here, but that’s probably because the fake minnesota nice thing makes it seem more severe than it probably is.

When I moved to New Orleans, I attended a new resident breakfast with the mayor, a number of city leaders, and everybody who had moved to the city within the last year who chose to attend (several hundred people).

Dear R.T.

Invite me to breakfast, plz.

Tks,
-w

Also,

Dear D. Hofstead,

You’re takin’ me to lunch.

Yrs,
-w

I just hang out with the plentitude of other new arrivals…

It isn’t any more unwelcoming than other cities, etc. You want unwelcoming, try small town Minnesota. (Or any midwestern small town…) And, no Maple Grove does not count as a small town.

off the subject here – but figured it was a captive audience.

i have 4 pairs of tickets to see justin timberlake tomorrow at the xcel – anybody want em? email me at gretchen@vita.mn

we’re going to Fhima’s afterwards for this:
http://www.myspace.com\musicxmusictc

I’m sure architects nowdays want to keep it as a cloistered clusterfuck where they can live out their egotistical fountainhead-inspired fantasies, but the reality of it is that the built environment has an impact on everyone, not just the douchey architects that design it.

No, we architects are desperate to have people (anybody, really) talk about architecture. We feel like the red-headed step child. Please, talk about buildings, urban design, streetscapes, etc. It makes us happy. As long as you don’t mention The Fountainhead.

Seriously.

So all of this would be assuaged if we were all just more overtly NOT nice?

This might be the best thread ever, right up there with the 400 Bar one from last week. “The Bartel Cartel…” “Smuggliest…” DeRusha feeling sorry about the lack of myspace friends …. all of these things hilarious.
(Speaking of which, I only have 24 myspace friends, so I would like to welcome all qualifying out-of-town transplants to invite me as a friend).

Did I belittle Cheesecake Factory employees? Man, must have been during my rude, take-no-prisoners phase at the paper. I was drinking a lot back then. Didn’t care whose toes I stopped on.

I know it’s somewhat pathetic to offer a qualified defense here, and I probably won’t change any minds. Also, who cares. But since the subject came up: If I’m a party tool, the standards have slipped considerably.

Granted: In foreign & economic policy, I’m mostly on the right. You’re free to assume my motives are evil, or you could admit that I have reasons, wrong as you might believe them to be. I don’t assume that people with whom I disagree are pinko Commie-Nazis who dearly want to replace our precious bodily fluids with a mopey grey goo of collectivism, after all. I’m not a “social conservative,” I dont care if Howard Stern cusses on Sirius or HBO shows boobies. My kid’s in a public school, I live in the city, but understand why some love the ‘burbs. Id rather see $800 million spent on a public transit system that gets the poor to jobs cheaply instead of a fixed-rail system. Et cetera. And so on. I’m probably wrong about a few things and insufficiently nuanced about others. But at least I keep it out of the column in the paper, because I don’t think anyone reading the Strib column particularly cares what I think about the larger issues.

In any case: if people continue to enjoy the stuff I put out despite their dislike for opinions, I appreciate the patronage. And if I had business cards, “A pointless individual who doesnt know shit about architecture” would be a great motto.

And welcome, Mr. Hoffman.

Marsh isn’t just off the Xmas card list, he’s off the Zoloft.

If that response buy Lileks doesn’t deserve two Timerlake tix, what does?

“Grey goo of collectivism”?

That’s MNSpeak!

Wow, the guy likes Bad Religion and wants to meet Howard Stern, I already love him !!!!

Ok, I’m pretty sure I like Lileks. It’s ok to have an opinion if you admit you could be wrong (which seems to be a problem with folks like maz, bud jr. etc around here).

And back to the other thing:

hey, no one expects a new yorker to be nice, so when they show even the slightest twinge of kindness you’re amazed and think “boy, they had it all wrong about these people!”

expectations play a bigger role than they probably ought to, but what can you do, right?

the wife is hot

For what it’s worth, Lileks, I enjoy your video game reviews.

If you’re “pretty sure” you like him, Wayne, go pick up a copy of “The Gallery of Regrettable Foods,” “Interior Desecrations,” and “Mommy Knows Worst,” all three of which will cause you laugh-related abdominal agony. Swear.

I don’t assume that people with whom I disagree are pinko Commie-Nazis who dearly want to replace our precious bodily fluids with a mopey grey goo of collectivism, after all.

I’ve been formulating just such a plan for a long time — the grey goo will actually made from dead pink-and-purple-spotted ponies, to even further kill the joy. Damn you, James, for uncovering my nefarious plan.

I’m actually curious, since you’re here, and even though its utterly unrelated to the thread at hand, what *you* think of the new Guthrie building. As, y’know, someone who doesn’t know shit about architecture and such.

I had high expectations for Sailor Martin, and boy, was that was a let down!

And he is MADE of wood!

as a Minnesota native, i’ll counter all you whiners: Minnesota Nice just means we stay out of your business, pure and simple. It’s an undervalued trait; most of the times when you are benefiting from it, you have no idea

oh, yeah, then the counter to that is “oh, you are all so passive-aggressive” . . . well, that charge, for sure, is 100% accurate.

So all of this would be assuaged if we were all just more overtly NOT nice?

well, yea…at least that would be real. i’m not from here, and the minnesota-fake-nice thing is never more apparent than when you’re dating a broad from here, and you meet her guy friends. guys in this town are not very confident, and cliqu-ish. they just stare at their premiums and mutter stuff like “you’re from chicago huh?…bears suck…ha ha….(awkward silence). then they talk about high school.

You said you liked the wood, baby.

fiberglass

hey jonny, it was pretty fun listening to you-know-who on The Current yesterday . . .

I’ll give Hoffman a shot… but come on… Howard Stern, Bad Religion, and Ultimate Fighting. Didn’t all three of those things peak, like, 10 years ago?

Lileks and I basically have the same politics.
He’s just funnier and smarter than me.

hey jonny, it was pretty fun listening to you-know-who on The Current yesterday . .

Don’t. Oh, lord, don’t!

(but thanks!)

I know, I know . . . probably the worst thread possible to bring that up in; my bad . . . so, anyway . . . hey JT is in town! Sexy’s back!

or did Bonnie Bleskachek dye her hair red for her commitment ceremony?

Best comment so far.

so, cubbie, how is saying the bears suck, if one is from Chicago, being fake-nice? would you rather a punch in the face?

Max brought sexy back years ago. Timberlake was simply following in his wake, baby.

spaceman – i guess i’m saying they just don’t know how to relate to “outsiders”, or don’t even try. you get the obligitory “what’s up…bears suck” (whatever) , then the silence, then they go back to their little secular minnesota world.

check out the startribune homepage right now…headline: “Bob Dylan, Still One of Us?” i mean, come on…

he may have, but had that badge taken away when he started playing with fiberglass dolls

This…is…awesome. So awesome, in fact, that after two years (?) of commenting I finally became a full-fledged member. Three reasons:

1. Hoffman as lesbian jokes
2. DeRusha as friendless wonder jokes
3. Florida as a penis jokes

Oh, yeah, I was going to listen to Lucia last night, but I had to work

City Pages is so going down the shitter!!!!!!

I file a motion to start our own MNSpeak alternative weekly and Sailor Martin can have his own Pop Culture colmn and write about being a stripper!! Or a hooker, your choice.

Heh. Heh. Heh.

It’s not that I think Minnesotans are more/less welcoming than other cities/states, but when I was in my interview and was asked why I wanted to move here, I said I wanted to live in a city again (I was living in Iowa…insert jokes here), similar to when I lived in Denver and there were a lot of transplants who wanted to meet other people who didn’t know people. Whereas in Iowa, it seemed like everyone still hung out with people they went to high school with. The interviewer warned me that it was similar here. I said I’d take my chances, which I did and have lived a blissful existence ever since.

well, all I can say to that is, yeah Dylan is still one of us. And, oh: the Bears suck. They are going to be destroyed by the Colts . . . man, back in high school I was so good at football!

Lileks, I don’t think you originally got the bad rap from political views. I seem to remember a conceptual kerfuffle between your Backfence column and the Network section of the Minnesota Daily.

I’m too sexy for my badge.

Off topic but …everyone should try to go see the Kozyndan exhibit at The Toomer Gallery inside Soo VAC. Reception is tonight starting at 7pm. They do beautiful work, so check it out.

My lousy two-cents’ worth: As a transplant whose social circle mainly consisted of other transplants for the first four years I lived here, I have to say that the TC (or maybe Minnesota) is an incredibly hard place to move to. I’ve lived in a few other Midwest cities, and I found that moving here was like getting kicked in the face. Maybe it really is the weather that produces more closely knit groups or people who like to keep their cards incredibly close to their fleece vests or whatever, but looking back at the move, it was probably one of the loneliest times in my entire life.

Max is bringing sexy back hair.

Yeah, Chicago’s not provincial at all. Current Tribune headline: “Local company can’t favor Bears. When it comes to the Super Bowl, the ball maker has to be neutral.” Jaysus.

Go Colts. Tony Dungy and offensive coordinator Tom Moore are “one of us,” I’m sure you’ve heard.

Chicago is outstanding. But the Second City has a major inferiority complex, and so do people from there.

Firstly, Minnesotans are very shy, or at least I am, so all y’all are going to have to make the first move. Secondly, of all the hair I’m glad I ain’t got, I’m mostly glad I ain’t got back hair.

Molly, I can agree with that. I happened to meet a really good group of people (all natives) who I became tight with, mainly because we happened to meet at a Twins opener when all of us had the same cheap seats season ticket deal. If it hadn’t been for that random meeting, I don’t know if I would have gotten into Mpls the way I have.

This is why we need more first evar MnSpeak gettogethers.

Seriously, that commitment ceremony thing is more than funny, it’s trenchant media criticism. G-Rote crushes another one.

So is like everyone going to this thing tonight?

INFO FOR MINNEAPOLIS SHOW… soo visual arts center presents
PICTURES OF PEOPLE AND THINGS I TAKE PICTURES
OF TAKING PICTURES OF PEOPLE
Works by Dan Monick

why are you picking me, Mpls Simpleton?

why are you picking on me, i mean.

It was synergy! Both events are next door to each other! You can see both!

I may have to actually attend some art outside of NE.

Er..nevermind. i’m dumb. I assumed the link was a smartass comment. the title of the link looked weird to me at first.

humble apologies. My guard is always up when I read mnspeak. Some people seems kinda mean here.

but come on… Howard Stern, Bad Religion, and Ultimate Fighting. Didn’t all three of those things peak, like, 10 years ago?

Not in Ohio!

Point of parental etiquette…is it appropriate to bring my 5 y/o son to an art opening @ SOO after 7pm?

-Neil Pollack.

Molly,

I can’t agree with this more:
I found that moving here was like getting kicked in the face.
Because that’s exactly how I feel these days. It’s certainly the loneliest time of my life thus far, and I really can’t imagine it gett much better anytime soon. How long does it really take to acculturate to and get in with the locals? I really wish I’d known more about how completely painfully lonely it was going to be before I came here, because I really did have a few other options in where I moved after college.

Also, after having visited Molly’s myspace profile, all I can say is awwwwwwww! cute!

It is never appropriate to take a 5 year old anywhere.

I guess I’ll just have to settle for Twinsfest…maybe I’ll keep him locked in the car while I duck into Grumpys for a shot & a beer afterwards.

Some people seems kinda mean here.

Most seem kinda mean…the rest of us are very mean.

So is everyone in this thread a lonely hipster? Sheesh!

Gophers v Fighting Sues tonight in hockey. Go Gophs!

No, we architects are desperate to have people (anybody, really) talk about architecture. We feel like the red-headed step child. Please, talk about buildings, urban design, streetscapes, etc. It makes us happy. As long as you don’t mention The Fountainhead.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to talk about architecture/urban design/etc. I just hate the prima donna attention whores that have taken over pop architecture. Everyone fusses over a couple jerks building monuments to their egos and plenty of other relatively good but somewhat ho-hum design gets ignored. In reality, the ho-hum stuff is what knits everything together and in a lot of ways is better for cities, but everyone wants to cram their skyline/city full of flashy showpieces, which doesn’t work. I mean, Dubai has an awful skyline because it’s just a bunch of towers with no relation to one another standing like they’re the end-all architectural masterpiece of the world. There’s no structure or form they’re a part of, and it looks silly.

But I’ll quit now, because this isn’t the right thread for this stuff.

ah, you’re assuming that just because you moved here from out of town, it’s the loneliest time of your life — nah — you’re in Minnesota now, we’re all lonely. My whole life has been the loneliest time of my life. I kick myself in the face just to make myself feel good.

I’d invite you to do something, but I’m booked this whole weekend doing stuff with my old high school buds . . .

the fact that I moved thousand of miles away from everyone I went to high school (west coast) and college (east coast) with probably doesn’t help me much either. I thought starting a new life in a new place was supposed to be something to feel good about? I just feel like I fell into a gutter and am wallowing around trying to slip into the storm drain to get to the ocean.

Anyone else out there want to pimp an art opening?

Aw, thanks, Wayne/Tmay. It does take a while. And it’s super hard, especially right after college. You have sort of high expectations that friendships will always be like that. It just takes some time. But it does happen. I’ve found this to be a great place to live now; I don’t think I’ll ever leave, which is strange to admit.

My take on Minnesota Nice is that it’s an Upper Midwestern expression for passive aggressive behavior.
That being said, I’d have to say that St. Paulites are a lot more likely to hang out with their high school buddies and not be friendly to so-called outsiders. When you’re out with a bunch of 50-somethings who still talk on and on about their (usually Catholic) grade school days, it’s best to call it an early night.
Which might explain a lot about St. Paul. (I’ve always liked the Minneapolitans better anyway.)
As for the new City Pages editor, welcome! Good luck! With this crowd, you may need it.

I’m not lonely. I’m misanthropic.

I started an architecture thread, Wayne. It just hasn’t gotten approved by the Powers That Be yet.

Most are not aware but James Lileks holds a special place in my heart because he was the writer who precipitated City Pages’ first libel suit…for a review of a Chinese restaurant. (He accused them of using MSG, which they did, so we won the suit.) However, what I clearly remember was his summation which went, “These guys not only give Chinese food a bad name, they give food a bad name.” You don’t get restaurant reviews like that these days.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to talk about architecture/urban design/etc.

–Geez, Wayne, we hadn’t noticed…maybe if you veered off that topic for 2 minutes you’d meet some people. BTW, I am not from here either…where I’m from we had real assholes, not this passive aggressive BS.

well, the storm drain will get you to the Mississippi . . .

Spaceman’s right, too: we ALL feel like that. That’s not ’cause you moved, that’s cause you moved to Minnesota. Haven’t you looked outside recently, and felt the oppressive, crushing blow that is No Sunlight For Five Months? Perhaps you work in a lightless office, where the problem is aggrivated further. Perhaps — forfend! — you work in customer service, making it twenty or thirty times worse.

If you’d moved to California, and still knew not a single living soul, it would not feel as bad. Trust me.

Chris Cornell can’t be wrong . . .

Forfend!

g_rote,

man, I can talk about other stuff!

Like, ummm … math! who wants some math?
or ummm Lunds! Who else hates NE Lunds?
or ummm

shit. I am the problem.

durerino meet tmay meet simpleton

Let’s hope that when Kevin Hoffman comes back and reads what this thread has become… he’ll take all of the comments here and weave them into a tapestry that becomes his opinion of the Twin Cities.

Because I’ve been here for four years, and I have no idea what on earth is happening here. But I’m glad Molly actually joined up!

This is the kind of thread you only see on a Friday. It rox. And Lileks is cool, now, too cause he posted in it.

As far as moving to Minnesota goes…again I say that in three years on the bus I have had one person – one – begin a conversation with me. Turns out he used to run with the guy they made the movie Blow about. Who knew?

Now for an Iowa joke (native Iowan here).

What’s the difference between Iowa and yogurt?

When you’re out with a bunch of 50-somethings who still talk on and on about their (usually Catholic) grade school days, it’s best to call it an early night.

I don’t know, I bet some pretty interesting stories come out of that …

OH GOD do I get tired of hearing non-Minnesotans bitch about living in Minnesota. Not to get all rethug on you, but if you don’t like it here, get the hell out! I’m still waiting for grote and the rest of you anonymous losers to move back to bumfuck nowhere and let us get on with our lives.

Also, Lileks ran out of things to say 15 years ago, which should serve as a warning to Steve Marsh.

We all just need to settle back and share some Sythncoke.

Wayne…you can laugh @ yourself and that’s a good start. I always like to say that if you can’t laugh @ yourself, at least you can always laugh @ Sparber. And Max…lytocane is way better. And Tom…I, too, am so tired of every food review being cheery (hello, Dara). I can’t stand Rick Nelson, but @ least he told it like it is when he ate @ the Hilton. While we’re on bad food, here’s a fun Friday office quiz…name 10 candies that resemble human feces. I’ll start with Milk Duds.

Molly: you will leave, when the leader of some tiny eastern bloc country woos you, courts you, and marries you, then whisks you off to his ice-covered “getaway” in Siberia. Its inevitable, I’ve seen it a million times. You’ll wave our fair city behind, you’ll never look back, and you’ll think of your days as a registered member of MNSpeak as nothing but a fond, white-belt-filled memory.

But the Second City has a major inferiority complex, and so do people from there.

not true. i believe i’m superior to 99.9% of the population. seriously, i do. but i actually love it here…moving away from home was the best thing i ever did – totally forced me out of my comfort zone. i think everybody should try it once.

none of the plethora of friends i’ve made here (i’m quite popular) are from here.

ps, Bears rule, and will destroy the colts. peyton manning is a beeyyyayyyayyaaaatch!!!!!!!!!!!

What’s the difference between Iowa and yogurt?

They both help with yeast infections?

some of us losers moved here from bigger places, and not bumfuck nowhere, you know.

and jonny, is that why there are so many eastern european brides for sale online? they export women here and import ours back?

I fear he doesn’t realize how insular and unwelcoming the Twin Cities are to anyone that wasn’t born here.

I beg to differ…I am just as unwelcoming to people born here as I am to outsiders. The conventional wisdom is bullshit–at least some of us don’t ask where people are from when we befriend (or ignore) them.

Dear anonymous loser…I love living here…I love the dull Scandanavian women in their earthtoned garb, the East Dakotan dialect, the ice fishing, your white folks, the semi-alternative newsweeklies, the cro-mag MSP writing culture-vultures, the gay Mayor, the shitty sports teams (hockey is not a sport, BTW), all of it. I wouldn’t trade one boring second here for life back in the gray ghetto of Detroit. My only regret is that you’re too much of a pantywaist to identify yourself for a little verbal jousting.

here’s a non-cheery restaurant review:
the conga latin bistro has really bland food. It’s not bad, it’s just bland, which is not at all what you would expect from a latin bistro. if I’d wanted such a boring overpriced meal, I’d have bussed downtown to go to applebees or whatever it is in block E. then the waitress was glowering at my friend and I becuase we were only having a meal and no drinks. they only had like three other people in there, and I guess I can see why.

In fact, the only time I notice people in there is when they have their weekend dance nights or whatever. Why even bother serving food when it’s not very good and you’d rather see people buying drinks anyway?

If you can’t laugh at me, you can’t laugh at anything.

Baby Ruth. (Kind of an obvious choice. See: Caddyshack)

I really don’t get why Molly would marry someone from Eastern Europe but it’s funnier than hell.

Chocolate raisins.

Hey, I have a digestive problem!

I really don’t get why Molly would marry someone from Eastern Europe but it’s funnier than hell.

The question is not why, Christine. The answer is when.

Its inevitable. As inevitable as the dawn.

Jonny,

You were supposed to keep my news about me and Miklos Von Strugenblurgen a secret. Remind me to never tell you the one about me and the Lenin bust I discovered in Antartica.

DeRusha: Aren’t you one year older or something? Have a party. I’ll bring Miklos. And my clothes. Wha?

Wayne, I agree, a bad review is 10X more entertaining than a good review be it about restaurants or music.

That explains why MNspeakers are mean too. It’s just more fun that way!

With that said, I am sorry for being mean, but I’m a transplant to Minnesota from Iowa and it’s just so cold and lonely here!

some of us losers moved here from bigger places, and not bumfuck nowhere, you know.

An excellent point. I have nothing in common with the “transplants” that migrated here from Iowa, western Wisconsin or the Dakotas because this is the nearest big city.

The first time I moved here, I had a built-in group of transplant friends because we had all interned together the summer before. The second time I moved here I had nobody, and that was really hard. Harder being older, I think than fresh out of college. Except that I had the sense to at least find things to do, even on my own, aside from going to the bar.

So I have nothing new to add except to ditto what everyone else has already said.

And that thing about St. Paul guys in their 50s? Totally true. I once (perhaps unwisely) picked up a guy in a parking garage in downtown St Paul who needed a ride to a gas station to fill up his gas can for his empty car. On the ride over and back he talked about nothing but his days playing hockey for South St Paul High School (I think?) back in the day. Time to move on, buddy.

I’m in. Belated DeRusha b-day party. Saturday night. Jason’s house.

My only regret is that you’re too much of a pantywaist to identify yourself for a little verbal jousting.

I was gonna say, too! Why is it the slash-and-burn flamers are always anonymous?

I have it on good authority that DeRusha will be in tmay’s ‘hood on Saturday night…safely esconced in a quiet dining room. I’m secretly hoping that camera crews from the rival stations will show up when they find out that a celebrity is in our midst.

I once (perhaps unwisely) picked up a guy in a parking garage …..PERHAPS!?!?

Maybe we could have a thread where we all post our myspace pages, which might help our MN transplants make some friends.

The misanthropes can continue to stay away if they’d like to, of course. Just throwing ideas out there… am I onto something or on something?

Who is going to set me up with DJ Girl Talk tickets at the Varsity tonight?

Where are those vita.mn pimps when I need them?

the times? fugaze? tell me! I’m going to camp out with my camera and fashion a homemade “DERUSHA 4 MAYOR!” shirt. Then I’ll go apeshit when he walks by.

Who is going to set me up with DJ Girl Talk tickets at the Varsity tonight?

Where are those vita.mn pimps when I need them?

I will second this sentiment!

I wish I could get ahold of my old buddy who is pals with that guy, he could probably hook me up from a distance. or maybe he could have had I thought about that like weeks ago.

the gay Mayor

wait, what?

Yeah, where’d that come from?

He’s not gay. He’s meterosexual.

I used to think I was metro, and now that I’ve met him a few times……If I’m metro, he’s Paul Lind. If he’s metro, I’m Archie Bunker.

Well its been fun but work is over!

I may try to hit that art thingy. Look for me!
I’m the one with Bouncing Souls Jacket!

Have a faboolous weekender.

what if Derusha was eating @ Punch…that would be the ultimate dilemma for twayne.

Paul Lynde sez:

If the mayor is metro, then I’m freaking Rambo.

I’m a transplant – 12.5 years. It was really, really hard when I first arrived. I thought I made friends with the folks at work, but it turned out we were work friends, not real friends. Anyway, it does get better. I met other transplants and eventually a spouse. Now, his job might leave and I don’t want to. This place grows on you after a while.

PS He’s a quant. I get the math jokes.

I’d have bussed downtown to go to applebees or whatever it is in block E.

dude, I don’t think block e has had food in two years. but you can go to payless, which tastes the same…

simpleton just punched out from a hard day on a web forum. Today has brought a new level of MNSpeakism. Me too then.

Not Fugazi, not punch, not Panera, not Times. It’s not a chain, I’ll tell you that. It’s my birthday dinner. But I’m looking for a cool place to go for drinks tomorrow night (Since my wife won’t let me take the vita.mn free tickets for the JT concert)

you must must must take those (not so) crazy friends of your’s to Nye’s…nobody’s MN indoctrination is complete until they’ve done a few hours of people watching in that shrine to campiness.

Jason, my suggestion is the bar at the St. Petersberg restaurant in Robbinsdale. Great selection of vodka, and 65-year-old Russian women dancing with bottled in each hand.

Paul Lynde said some of the funniest shit e’er…and nobody realized he was gay???…come on, people.

We don’t want RT. We want Sven.

Yogurt can grow a culture.

None of you can be my MySpace friends. It’s the most exclusive club on the net.

I din’t realize that there was a corner of myspace staked out by young republicans…sounds like a real hoot. go friend marsh.

my suggestion is the bar at the St. Petersberg restaurant in Robbinsdale.

My suggestion is the American Legion below it. 2 dollar vodka-tonics, karaoke, and — well, that’s probably where we’ll be at midnight tonight.

Awesome. I would totally eat at Fugazi. Especially if they played “Suggestion” and DeRusha decided to start kicking corporate ass.

This just magically showed up on my computer:

Hip Hip Hooray for Minneapolis.

I prefer to have the Repeater in the Waiting Room.

sweet, it’s quittin time. Now I’m going to go home and forget this place exists until monday morning.

ciao!

I had no idea that the official team colors of Linden Hills were green & yellow….guess you learn something new every day.

Also, Fugazi is totally delicious and completely out of my price range. I’d probably never had the chance to eat there if it weren’t for a dinner on the corporate card my boss took myself and some consultants/contractors/whatever out to.

daddy! you’re a cheerleader!

My wife and I had a nice meal at Erte for her birthday last year. Not bad, not a chain. The Canyon Grill in Coon Rapids is also very good.

Erte is good. I’ll be here.

Anybody else going to see Kennth Anger tonight?

I’m so lonely.

I prefer to have the Repeater in the Waiting Room.

That a gay sex joke?

Alma is not exactly in my hood. It’s down the road a little. Closer to work, really.

also, my god, why did I log on from home?

I prefer to have the Repeater in the Waiting Room.

That a gay sex joke?

It’s a (hilarious) Fugazi/Fugaise joke.

grote: On his game today, as usual.

I am a patient boy….

Erratic yet deliciously random threads that span 200+ comments including remarks from every corner of local media were not better when Rex was here.

Who?

Good god. I leave town for a couple days and this place goes from Crossfire to chitchat at a tupperware party. ugh.

This thread is just too funny. Am really enjoying it.
And no, Wayne, the 50-somethings’ stories about high school or grade school over here ain’t that interesting. At least none of the ones I’ve heard. Maybe if we heard less about ruler-waving nuns and more about bad priests. . . nah. . .
Two more thoughts:
The late Evelyn Fairbanks, native St. Paulite and author of Days of Rondo (a great book) once told me at length how “clannish” St. Paul is. I found that interesting as she had grown up here and lived here most of her life. Her take on it was that people really seemed to travel in pretty small circles and that we all missed on not getting to know each other.
And I can’t see a mayor’s transplant event in St. Paul, although I love the idea. This mayor and at least one of the City Council members apparently went to high school together.
Yikes.

Oh, I was just thinking that catholics + children = “interesting” stories

I so should have read this thread Friday.

A perfectly good MNSPeak thread devolves into personal talk therapy for so many. Or is that evolves.

Where exactly did Matt Bartel go to journalism school? I forget.

As far as I can tell, Matt went to Western Michigan Universitys Haworths College of Business.

Who, indeed, “knew a sloppily truncated sentence would generate so much business for MNSpeak?”

If you want to get a real flavor of Lileks’ WingNuttiness, listen to him on the Hugh Hewitt radio show. His scorn for those who disagree with him is palpable and Hewitt is the ultimate GOP shill.

If you want the real flavor of Lileks’ Wingnuttiness, read his Newhouse columns:

http://www.newhouse.com/james-lileks-13.html

I should really put “wingnuttiness” in scare quotes, since I are a “wingnut” myself.