The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

I'm not a little disappointed that the charges against Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois who purported to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat to the highest bidder have pushed the recent transgressions of Governor Tim Pawlenty out of the news, even here in Minnesota.

As anyone who has a television knows, Blagojevich has a name that's hard to pronounce. Every pundit seems to have a different way of mangling his name. I just want to offer a suggestion. As Katie Couric learned to pronounce Ahmadinejad by remembering the phrase "I'm a dinner jacket," I suggest you learn to pronounce Blagojevich by remembering the phrase "I'm a douchebag with a bad haircut."

As for pronouncing Pawlenty, let me suggest the phrase, "I used to have a mullet, which was useful for getting elected in Minnesota, but now I've recently cut my hair differently to signal that I now have national aspirations, but, don't worry, I still have a hockey player's understanding of economics."

If you think that's a little long, how about, "I'll say really stupid stuff to fire up the base. Hey, it worked for that bimbo from Wasilla." Or, if that's still too long, "Balanced Budget Amendment."

For that's the new device for remembering just how banal this guy is. "Mullet" just won't sum him up any more. In case you missed it, and you probably did, "BBA" just wrote a piece for Politico.com, the web site for people who just can't get enough politics, called "Cut Up the Credit Card" in which he calls for a balanced budget amendment to the US Constitution.

I could be wrong, but I don't think such a stupid idea for a constitutional amendment has come out of Minnesota since Prohibition.

BBA's startling essay, (which, in BBA's defense, was probably written for him by Phil Krinkie,) includes such memorable laughers as "free market solutions for better health care" and mentioning "our [Republican] approach" and "energy independence" in the same sentence. Even more hilarious was blaming Wall Street for the current crisis and then forgetting to mention who paid for his party's policy of not regulating said den of iniquity.

Anyone who has had the first course in college economics knows that BBA's quaint image of a family sitting around the table and making the decision not to go to Maui or buy the plasma this year has nothing to do with how to handle the country's problems of massive unemployment, no health care, crumbling infrastructure and political and financial corruption. In fact, the college I went to required two economics courses-macro and micro economics-so that even an eighteen-year-old freshman would know the difference between John Maynard Keynes and Joe the Plumber...and why it's a good idea to spend during a recession and to subject plumbers (and bankers) to regulation.

One commentator said BBA had "a child-like understanding" of economics. I think that's giving him too much credit. What he really has is a child-like understanding of what it takes to fool people into voting for him-that is, that we're all stupid. Here's a clue Tim: you've been elected a couple of times because you've had the great good fortune to run in a time when the DFL has been even lamer than you. Remember, the last time Minnesotans really had a choice, we elected Jesse Ventura. That should take a little shine off your helmet hair, if you stopped to think about it for a minute.

So, all in all, I'm going to go with Blagojevich as my governor of the week. He may be corrupt, but I think I prefer that to cynical, stupid and arrogant. I also like his hair better.